The Real-Life Twinkie Experiment

Twin Switching -- From Traci

2006-01-17T11:39:00.000-08:00

For those of you joining us for the first time, please go back and start reading from the beginning (back in August 2005). Otherwise, the blog may not make much sense to you.

2009 UPDATE:
This blog authors are using the assistance of LANDOLT & ASSOCIATES in Fort Worth, Texas, for advice on this blog. Please contact them if you have any questions or inquiries: contact@landoltlawoffice.com

Hi, this is Traci, the Blog Administrator... The twins are trying to decide what should be posted here and what shouldn't. I apologize for the delay. I was reading back over the posts and some of the emails, and some of them are really interesting about twins switching places. I thought maybe we could open up a discussion about that while we wait... If you are a twin or know a twin who has switched places, please email your stories to me. We'll try to put together a posting with everyone's comments, so be sure to indicate if it's okay to post it on the blog. You are also welcome to send in your impression of identical twins overall...and how this blog has or hasn't changed your view of twins.

And, of course, if you do send in your comment or email, we will send you a totally imaginary Twinkie Experiment T-shirt!

Thanks to all you loyal Twinkie Fans out there! Time to go buy a box and eat some while we're waiting.

Traci
Email inquiries: contact@landoltlawoffice.com

Happy New Year! -- From Amy

2006-01-06T05:01:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, Ya'll!! While Ashley has been portraying me down here at the coast, I was up north living in her condo. Yes, while she was on the beach and enjoying the ocean, I was "enjoying" the lovely white fluffy stuff. I took this picture of the view behind Ashley's condo. Talk about a contrast to the view outside my house!

Sorry about the delay in the blog posts. Ashley and I have been having "creative differences" about this blog. To make a long story short, Ashley read my comment about her and Tarkington and said: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOLD THEM THAT!

The way I see it, Professor Tarkington is MY professor. MINE. What happens at the law school is my business because these people think that was ME doing all that stuff. So why can't I talk about it? Ashley really loves all of you out there and appreciates your support. I understand that, and I think that's great. But, it doesn't mean that you should have the details glossed over or sugar-coated. I'll try to give you hints about Tarkington when I can--until I can figure out a way to give you the whole story...

How embarrassing that Ashley and I are having a fight on the world's stage. This has to be my mom's worst nightmare...

Back to what happened to me... As one of the Commentors pointed out (and made me laugh), the Twinkie Experiment wasn't exactly fair--at least at the beginning, because Ashley got a nude beach, and what did I get? Altitude sickness!

Overall, I have to admit, I probably did have an easier time with the whole school thing. Dr. Lyle was in on the Twin Switch, so I didn't have to go into an academic program alone. I can't imagine for my life walking into a law school program like Ashley did. I feel bad about laughing, but I can't help it. She probably was able to do it because she has this mentality that she can handle anything. I don't think she knows even now what a lion's den she was walking into.

I had the opposite problem. Instead of walking into a room full of law students who practically pee around the room to mark their territory, I had the "huggers." You know who I'm talking about. Those people who have to hug you like they haven't seen you in years, and you are a long-lost dear friend. I'm not a big touchy-feely type person, unless it's a really hot guy who's doing the touching and feeling (haha). It's probably inherent to the whole psychology thing to have them be so tactile. Probably something Freudian.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, the party Dr. Lyle had at the start of the semester was especially humorous because Ashley didn't give me a physical description of Robert. (She told me she didn't think I'd run into him.) So the problem ended up being: How do you stay away from someone when you don't know what they look like? One of these days, I'm going to ask Robert if I actually spoke to him at the party before I knew who he was...

Have I mentioned that Dr. Lyle's husband is hot? He is. Totally. Of course, he's a little old and MARRIED, but I thought he was really nice looking in a Kevin Costner kind of way. (Man, I might as well delete this paragraph now, because I'm sure Ashley will have a fit that I said that!) He was also really sweet and funny. He walked around helping the caterers and stuff at the party, and every time he'd see me, he'd say, "So, are you caught yet?" Dr. Lyle's husband is a psychologist, too. Can you imagine what their kids must be like????

The first day of school was pretty anxiety-driven. The lack of humidity in the air made my hair have more body ---something I'm definitely not used to since I've been living at the beach. We're talking flat-head city. I have a flippy haircut that is (I think) darling, and the multi-layers and flips make it look not so flat in the humidity. But when you take me from a place with 95 percent humidity and drop me into a place with 18 percent humidity, well, you can imagine what happened. The flippiness with a small "f" turned into flippiness with a big fat "F". And Ashley is not a flippy kind of person. She warned me the people up north may not take kindly to a flippy haircut on her. I tried to get rid of it. Believe me, I tried. I used water on it after it was dry. I used hair spray. I curled it under....

But when I arrived on that huge campus and walked through the wind up hill (both ways), the hair took on a life of its own. And it decided to be flippy. And I think I told you last time, that when I ran into Paige, Ashley's best friend (who I've met a few times when I've visited Ashley in the past) the very first thing out of her mouth was WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH YOUR HAIR???

Not "Hi, how are you," or "how was your summer", but a rude announcement that might as well have said, "Hey! Everyone! Look over here at this ugly hair!"

It's no secret that I am not a big fan of Paige. As this blog goes on, I think you'll understand why. The hair thing started it, though. So much for integrating quietly into the crowd. Everyone had to notice me and my hair. Which only brought on more hugging, since that's what psych students do.

What a big difference class was compared to law school. The psych seminar actually had donuts and coffee for the students! And the first day was spent going around the room introducing ourselves. Students actually talked amongst themselves WHILE Dr. Lyle was talking. And she didn't kill them. Not to mention how nice everyone was to each other. We also didn't have to read for the first day, which was weird. Some people didn't even have their textbooks yet. I was in shock.

The most fun on the first day was finally seeing who the notorious Robert was. He wasn't anything like I had imagined him from Ashley's comments. And I don't remember seeing him at Dr. Lyle's party. He's tall -- almost 6 feet, slim, but not skinny or fat. Dresses pretty nice. Dark hair and dark warm eyes with wire-rim glasses. I usually don't like guys with glasses, but he was an exception. Okay, I admit it, I thought Robert was cute from the very first day. But it's not like I hit on him or anything. I intended to keep my distance and not even speak to him.

He sat in the row in front of us, and Paige leaned over to me and said, "I guess he wants to make sure you've seen him." And in typical Paige-fashion, she said it loudly enough for him to hear. The girl sitting on the other side of me, who I called "The Screamer" for awhile since I didn't know her name, of course had to say hi to Robert. She was like leaning forward with her desk (they are the individual desks, not like the rows of tables in law school), in front of me to ask Robert how his summer was. When he turned around, he just kind of looked at me for a second and then said, "Fine." Real big conversationalist.

The first day of class left me with one major question: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO PSYCHOLOGY?? I took a few courses in college, and I've read stuff through the years. But somehow, they changed it. It's no longer the common sense intuitive, get in touch with your inner-child's feelings, bring memories to the surface, bells ringing, dogs salivating, penis envying, human behavior study that I thought it was.

Dr. Lyle gave an overview lecture about the topics we would be covering in the course, and I was really amazed. It's now a complicated mixture of theories, statistics, philosophies, medicine, and science. I guess it was pretty arrogant of me to walk in there thinking I was up to par with the other students. Boy, did I learn that lesson the hard way...

Merry Christmas From Everybody

2005-12-23T15:21:00.000-08:00

Here's a picture of what Christmas time looks like on the coast. Ashley took this picture from the upper deck of the Ferry on her way back home from law school on her last day as "Amy."

This is Traci, the blog administrator, and I have a message for you from the whole gang. Apparently, almost everyone (except the professors?) knows about this blog now. ( Talk about pressure...;))

We Wish You,Your Family, and Friends...A Very

Merry Christmas
& Happy New Year!!

from

Ashley & Amy
Traci
Drs. Miriam and William Lyle
Joyce (Mom)
Martin (Dad)
Robert Peevy
Paige Fowler
Charlie and his flock:
Rose
Ricky
Haylie
Giny
Billy
Emma Lee
Duane
Libby
Sammy
Regan
&
Booger

Welcome to the Twinkie Experiment Part Two

2005-12-21T21:09:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Real-Life Twinkie Experiment Part Two! I'm Amy Morrighan, and my twin sister's name is Ashley--who most of you already know. Just a brief background in case you are just joining us...

Ashley and I are twenty-seven year old identical twins. Ashley is in her third year of graduate school, working towards her Doctorate in Psychology. Her emphasis is on Twin Studies at the University of ______. (I still can't put the name of her school.) She lives up North where it snows more than I would like, but otherwise it's beautiful. Ashley's best friend is named Paige. Ashley used to like a guy named Robert until the great AC/DC Concert Incident last summer. Robert and Paige are also psych doctoral students. Although Paige is more into Abnorrmal Psychology...which is understandable if you've ever met her. Sorry, that was petty. Bad Amy, bad.

While Ashley is in grad school, I am in my second year (a "2L") in law school. I can't give my exact location, but I can tell you I live on the coast. My interest in law has primarily been in the area of Intellectual Property. But I also am interested in other areas which span across the board. They say the first year of law school is the worst, and mine was no exception. In fact, I can honestly say, last year was the worst year I've ever had. The coursework itself is challenging, but not as hard as they make it out to be. It wasn't the work itself I found challenging since I actually like studying the law.

The people in my life you've probably heard the most about are my professors for this past semester who Ashley encountered: Professor Rogerson, Professor Tarkington, and Professor Mathews. My two closest friends (or at least they were up until the Twin Switch) are Vicki and Beth. I am probably closest to my next-door neighbor, Charlie, who has taken in a whole lot of his kids and grandkids to live with him. He basically has a big ol' heart and loves to feed and take care of people. And dogs. He has a beach house right next to mine, and actually owns mine too, though he rents it out to me.

Ashley and I are the only kids in our family. Our parents live in (can I say where they live? No? Okay.) They live in a place that's cold, too. We have great parents who support us financially (and emotionally) while we are in school. Neither of our parents were supposed to know about the Twin Switch, but that changed when Ashley told Mom. More details about that later.

We ultimately decided to do the Twin Switch for several reasons...
1. Everyone always asks us if we ever switch places, and we wanted to see if we could pull it off now that we're adults.
2. Ashley is working on her dissertation involving twins, and she wanted to see if her advisor would let her incorporate the data from the switch somehow. Her advisor, Dr. Lyle, said she would review Ashley's and my data at the end of the switch to see if there was anything workable for the dissertation. I am sure Ashley will give you the scoop on that.
3. As mentioned above, I had a hard time with law school, and was about to give up on it, and I wanted to see if there was anything Ashley could do while she was there as me. Of course, I didn't *exactly* tell Ashley how bad things were or how much I was relying on her for help... But that's because I didn't know how things would be for her. And she told me over and over not to say anything that would alter her behavior during the twin switch.

Ashley and I also started off trying to think of a bet... I would bet we could pull off the switch (because I always knew we could), and Ashley would bet we couldn't. Unfortunately, we couldn't ever agree on what we would put for the wager. Looking back on it, I guess we could have used Robert...(Just kidding)

The whole thing seemed pretty funny at first, and we both had our doubts as to if we would actually even give it a try. Then Ashley flew down to visit me, and we started getting our hair and nails done to match each other. I thought Ashley was going to catch the first flight out when I gave her a tour of the law school, showed her where everything was, where to sit, etc. I think that's when reality set in for her. I had no idea how freaked out she was until after the switch was over and she admitted what she did the weekend right before school started... Ashley told me I shouldn't mention anything about it, but I'll see if I can put the details in.

Let's just say, Ashley didn't tell you EVERYTHING she did during the switch. I think many of you would be surprised and amused if you heard it all.

As for me, you haven't heard everything that I went through, either. Ash and I have agreed to keep this Rated G or PG since we have no idea how old our readers are. Sorry, that means no graphic details about what went on between Ashley and Professor Tarkington (Can I mention that, Ashley? No? Okay.) You didn't hear that from me...

I left for Ashley's condo up North on the weekend right before school started. Leaving the ocean was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I really felt a loss for some reason, and it wasn't until much later that I figured out why (with Robert's and Ashley's help). It felt like I was leaving my swingset or something. When we were little, Ashley and I had the coolest swingset in our back yard, with the monkeybars along the top, with a swing, the rings, glider, etc. It was awesome. Then, my dad took a job in another state, and we had to move. Without the swingset. Ash and I were mortified and actually grieved for our swingset. Anyway, that's the same grief I felt when I left the coast, and it was haunting for me. I couldn't understand it because I figured the Twin Switch wouldn't last THAT long, and I could go back anytime I wanted thanks to frequent flier miles.

When the switch ended, and Ashley and I were able to sit down and go over everything, it was then Ashley told me what she had discovered regarding identity issues for twins during our twin switch. It feels like you are leaving yourself behind when you switch places with your twin. Anything that is not exactly like your twin, you have to cut off. Completely. Otherwise people who knew Ashley would never believe I was her. It's not just leaving my "life" that was hard... It was leaving ME...all the things about me that I like (fish, crabs, etc), and having to mentally train myself to like what Ashley likes or Ashley does. Mentally, it has more of an effect on you that you might think. I could never have anticipated how much it would effect me.

So, I arrive up north, and (I hope I can tell you this part) I had Altitude Sickness for awhile because her condo is near the mountains. Going from sea-level to the mountains took some getting used to. I had migraine-like headaches for awhile. Other than that, escaping the 98 degree temperatures and 95% humidity was fabulous!! My hair just seemed to come alive for some reason. This, of course, meant I had to deal with the flippiness of my haircut. I have a medium length shorter-cut which is cut to flip in the back. Ashley said "no way" would Paige or anyone believe she would ever have a flippy cut. It was a constant battle between me and my hair there for awhile. And on my first day of class, the first words out of Paige's mouth when she saw me was: "WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR HAIR?"

I met with Dr. Lyle the Saturday before school started. Ashley thinks this woman is so great, but to be honest, she didn't make that great of a first impression on me. She came across very "snooty" almost--not very friendly to me at all. Ash says it's because she's from the North and "that's how some Northerners are," but I don't buy it. Everyone else was really nice. I also think Dr. Lyle had her own agenda with the twin switch. There were times when I definitely thought she purposely set me up to fail so she could see if anyone could tell I wasn't really Ashley.

Dr. Lyle had a student reception at her house that night, which gave me a chance to be around the Psych people before classes started. Of course, Ashley didn't describe Robert for me, so I didn't know what he looked like. She told me just to ignore him anyway, since I was supposed to be her. Ashley was mad at Robert because he never called her after their one date they had (that ended in disaster). So the plan was for me to just stay away from him. I don't think Ashley realized that Robert was signed up to be in the same seminar as I was. It was just a matter of time before I ran into him.

At Dr. Lyle's party, however, I tried to avoid him. But how do you avoid someone when you don't know what that person looks like???

There was a girl at the party named Jamie who walked over to me first thing and wanted to know how my "date with Robert" went. I told her I didn't want to talk about it, and she said, "Oh, that's because he's HERE, isn't he?" I almost freaked out right then because for all I knew, I had already been talking to him and been sickly-sweet and nice, like I was trying to be to everyone I encountered. Later during the party, Jamie came up to me again to let me know she saw Robert in the livingroom. I tried to sneak a peek at the guys in the livingroom to see if I could guess which guy my sister would like. I didn't have Robert pegged right, though. I still can't remember if I actually talked to him or not before I knew who he was. If I did, I'm sure he thought it was weird, because on Monday, when I really did find out who he was, I intentionally stayed away from him.

Well, I wanted to give ya'll some background on me and to kind of let you know where things started. This has been just some general comments, and next I'll try to get into the details more.

From Ashley

2005-12-20T16:43:00.000-08:00

Hi Everybody~!

I took this picture right out in front of Charlie's and Amy's beach houses. It's my favorite time of day--sunset.

I apologize for not posting sooner. Things have been pretty hectic, as you can probably imagine. Thanks to everyone for your kind emails to Traci that she forwarded to me. It has meant a great deal.

As I think Traci posted already, Amy would like to have a chance to give her side of the "story." She read my blog postings, which is okay, since I was trying to get her to switch back and told her where the site was so she could know what's been going on in her life. She isn't actually mad or anything; she just wants people to see how things were for her before they judge her. I told her no one is judging anybody. Life is life, and we're all human. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, so to speak.

I hope you all will enjoy Amy's side of things. She was going to post her own blog all along, but she wasn't sure who she could trust to get things out there without getting caught. We had some close calls, and given her background at the law school, she had to be extra extra careful. She did keep a journal though with entries, so she can make postings rather than throw it all out there all at once. I'm not sure what format she is going to use, though. I think it also depends on Traci. I suspect it will be a little at a time.

I told Amy she should try and publish the information in a book somehow since the information is already writen, instead of re-writing it as a blog. Plus, there are some details both of us experienced that we didn't (and still don't) feel comfortable putting on the computer (I think you guys might like to hear some of that stuff as well--cough, cough). So this will give Amy a chance to give you a preview of what a book might say--only the Rated G (PG?) blog version.

I know from my experience that it's really easy to form opinions about someone by watching someone else living their life. So, all I ask is that you not be too hard on me (or her) as you hear what Amy has been up to in my life. :o)

Thanks again for your friendship and support during the past months.
God Bless you,
Merry Christmas,
Happy Holidays,

Ashley Morrighan

Amy's Side of the Story - From Traci

2005-12-19T20:26:00.000-08:00

Hi, this is Traci again. I know everyone is waiting to hear what happened with the Twin Swtich -- I have been waiting too, very impatiently. I finally heard from Ashley, and thankfully she and Amy have patched things up. Or, at least they are speaking to one another. Amy apparently discovered and read over this blog and was pretty ticked off... which I think we can all understand.

She is now demanding equal time to give her side of what happened. And she wants it before Ashley tells everyone how things ended up with the Robert situation and the Twin Swtich. Ashley asked me this morning if I would mind posting some blog entries from Amy. I don't mind doing it, but I wanted to run it by our audience out there first. I've gotten numerous emails from people over the past 4 or 5 months begging me for information about Amy. It looks like you'll finally find out what happened. Just let me know if it is something you're still interested in.

Please just post your opinion on the "Comments." And I guess we'll take it from there.

Thanks,

Traci Campbell, Blog Administrator

From Traci

2005-12-08T16:51:00.000-08:00

Hi, This is Traci, the Blog Administrator. Ashley asked me to post this message for her. We apologize for the silence on the blog lately (part of it was my fault because I went out of town for two weeks). Ashley is still trying to get things straightened out with Amy. Amy still is trying to tell Robert SHE is Ashley, and neither Amy nor Robert will talk to Ashley, Ashley's mom, or dad.

Law school for the semester is winding down. Ashley, even though she's ticked off at Amy, doesn't want Amy to lose her legal education and chance at becoming a lawyer. So, she tried to drop the classes for the semester--saying she needed a leave of absence for family reasons. The dean said no (he sounds like a MAJOR jerk to me) about Business Associations and Criminal Procedure, since those classes are required. She can, and did, drop the Intellectual Property class. She also quit being Tarkington's Research Assistant "due to family reasons" that are taking up her time. Tarkington apparently was more understanding than the dean... Which is good, considering Ashley doesn't know squat about legal writing.

So where everything stands right now... Ashley has no choice but to try and take the final exams for Business Associations and Criminal Procedure. We all know it's a long shot...Talk about pressure! Richard, the guy who worked in the Law Clinic, is helping her study, by the way. Whether or not Ashley can pass the exams...I guess we'll have to wait and see.

But that is where she is and what is going on right now. I'm sure you'll hear from Ashley once the exams are over. Keep your fingers crossed for her...

Traci Campbell

The Joy of Twins

2005-11-23T14:01:00.000-08:00

Things have been kind of hectic, and I apologize to everyone for not posting sooner! Here's the basic scoop on what's been going on...

1. Rogerson seems to have backed off for right now... Our Operation HERB actually seems to have worked! Yea!!

2. Amy and Robert have apparently gotten serious. Like way serious. Boooo!

3. Exams at the law school start in just a few WEEKS from now... Major Booooo!

4. And, here's the biggest thing of all...AMY IS REFUSING TO SWITCH BACK! Monsterous Booooo!

Amy says she's worried about what Robert is going to say if she tells him we switched places, so she's continuing to let him think she's ME. I tried to call her, and she won't talk to me about it. I've sent emails, and she won't respond. I've been frazzled about this situation, because at first, I thought Amy was joking. How can she not come back here? I thought the snow and cold would have sent her back here faster than anything, but I guess Robert is keeping her warm...?

I also am having a cow about Amy abandoning her law school. I understand that things were bad with Rogerson--believe me, I understand! But this is ridiculous. We need to come up with a plan, and the plan can't involve the idea of ME taking her exams. No matter what she says, I can't think of a worse nightmare than Law Exams....

I'm flying up tonight to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. The only thing I can think to do is explain everything to my parents and see if they can talk some sense into Amy. No, Amy won't be there. She's having Thanksgiving with Robert's family... I'll fill you in on other stuff going on (like with Mick and the research thing) as soon as I can.

Operation Herb

2005-11-15T21:27:00.000-08:00

"Operation Herb" is officially underway. The "Herb" part is because of our inspiration... Herb Tarlek from the tv show WKRP, the super-geek and sexual harasser. He learned his lesson when Jennifer, the beautiful receptionist, turned the tables on him and called his bluff.

Now it's my turn...Or rather, Amy's turn. But she's turned into a wuss. She pretty much freaked out when I told her what I wanted to do. She agreed it would work, but she's still really worried it could backfire... I think it is the best thing we can do. I feel better with every step we take because at least we aren't just being victims to this guy.

The first thing I did to implement Operation Herb was to go to Rogerson's office and ask to meet with him. He invited me in, and I sat down--not looking at the big ol' stuffed snake he has displayed. The 8x10 pictures of his wife and kids were still facing out towards me, and that sort of made me laugh. I told Rogerson that I was "glad" he wanted to go with me to check out the client's land. I told him what happened last time with the "creepy guys" at the Stuckey's-converted grocery store, and how even Earl reminded me of the movie Deliverance.

Rogerson responded by telling me I "need to be careful" because there are men out there who will sexually harass me...

You don't say!

He went into a speech about how I'm "attractive" and have a "certain way" about me that men can't help but respond to...

Just for fun, I asked him what I should do to get those guys to back off? Tell them I'm married? He said it wouldn't matter if I were married or not. The best thing I can do is take an older man with me for protection. Someone like...HIM. I told him that would be good, but that it's over an hour away, and I live over in that direction anyway...could we take two cars? He didn't seem to like that very much. He said we could take two cars, drop mine off at my house, and then ride together the rest of the way. I tried to sound convincing when I said, "Okay great. Then you'll get to where I live."

He said, "I already know where you live, Amy..." Eeek! What the hell does that mean?

After Tarkington's class this morning, I met Rogerson at his office. He said he had some "last minute" things to do, and he would meet me at my house. I said okay and headed on home, scared to death. I could just see him showing up at the sliding glass door to the beach house, and that made me sick to my stomach. Charlie wasn't home when I drove in, and for a second, I wondered if having Rogerson come here was such a good idea when even Charlie wasn't nearby. Thankfully, Jerry, the guy who owns the ATV who wanted to store it in my livingroom during Hurricane Rita, was outside working on his boat.

I don't know how well Amy knows Jerry, but I figured if I was willing to put his big ol' ATV Four Wheeler in my livingroom, then he could go on a roadtrip with Rogerson and me. I parked the jeep under Amy's beach house and walked over to talk to Jerry. I didn't give him a lot of details. Just the basics about how my creepy professor was coming by to go look at some property out in the middle of nowhere, would he come with us... Thankfully, Jerry said sure.

Getting Jerry involved also gave me a reason to be standing outside when Rogerson drove up. Something about him climbing up Amy's steps, crossing the deck, and then knocking on the front door just seemed too much. Rogerson pulled up in his huge-ass Lincoln. I walked over to his window and mentioned that Jerry "wanted" to go with us. Rogerson was pissed. He said absolutely not....That it was a breach of confidentiality for me to have even discussed the issue with Jerry--how I violated the oath I signed, blah blah blah. I told him I didn't tell Jerry anything at all about the client. Just that he (Rogerson) wanted to look at property. Rogerson still said no, and told me to get in the car.

Now, you know I can't stand Rogerson on any given day, but when he's ticked off, the last thing I want to do is be around him. But I didn't think I could back out. So, I insisted that we needed to take my jeep because of the road conditions and how I'd hate for him to damage is beautiful black car. Thankfully, he said okay. I explained to Jerry that we were going to take the jeep, so he couldn't go after all.

I only wish the top had been taken off the jeep, so the wind could have shown us whether or not the remaining hair on Rogerson's head is real or not... The jeep, thankfully, is really noisy, bumpy, and rustic, and I'm thinking Rogerson wasn't particularly impressed with the fact you can see the road beneath your feet because the floorboard has started rusting out...

I told him once again that I "appreciate" him coming with me, and I drove as fast as I could on the pothole-covered road to Geeker Pike. My biggest fear was that Earl wouldn't be working today. I felt like an idiot driving through the little town, pointing out the landmarks to Rogerson. "There's the Town Hall-Volunteer Fire Department-Lion's Club meeting hall..."

During the entire trip, it was funny because Rogerson seemed much more nervous than I was! This only further convinces me that our plan will work. I drove to the big barn-looking building with the words "EED LOTS" written on it, and we met up with Earl, who was thrilled to have visitors. He insisted on driving us out to the property in his beat-up SUV that smelled like cows. Rogerson actually said okay, after hearing Earl's creative directions out to the property. I was kind of ticked that it was okay for Earl to go, but not Jerry... But I didn't say anything.

The trip was pretty uneventful after all. I'm glad I did it though, because I feel better standing up to Rogerson. I also think our plan is going to work, in fact, I know it. When Rogerson and I were driving back to Amy's house, he was all nervous again. He is such a slimy guy. Anyway, when I pulled in the driveway up to where he left his car, you'll never believe what I did...

I invited him in for "coffee or something."

I just said it before I even thought about it, and then I wanted to kick myself. I know guys like Rogerson think when a woman says, "come in for some coffee or something" after a date it means sex. But this wasn't a date. Still it was awkward. THANKFULLY Rogerson said no, that he had to get back to the school. Talk about nervous and sweaty though! When he left, he said, "Have a good afternoon, Ms. Morrighan..." Not "AMY," but "MS. MORRIGHAN"! He was creating professional distance with ME. I wanted to die laughing. Score two points for the Morrighan Twins!!

Amy pretty much had to be sedated when I told her what happened... She couldn't believe I invited him upstairs. When I asked her why Rogerson already knew where she lived, she said she didn't know, but it didn't surprise her. Talk about creepy. I'm glad Booger is here with me...

Paige

2005-11-12T21:26:00.000-08:00

Talk about an Academy Award! Today, I actuallly spoke to my best friend and pretended to be "Amy," and she didn't even catch me! I told Amy yesterday that she should talk to Paige about my (Amy's) situation with Rogerson. Amy doesn't really like Paige all that much (probably because they are so much alike), but apparently she talked to Paige earlier today. I should have known it would really tick Paige off to hear what is going on with Rogerson. She called me (as Amy) to offer her advice. I could have freaked when I saw Paige's phone number on the caller ID! I said, "Hello?" and she said, "Amy?" I said, "Yeah," and she said, "this is Paige. Ashley's best friend..."

It was so great to hear her voice that I almost slipped up. We talked about what's been going on with Rogerson, and Paige gave me her official psychological profile of him. Sometimes I think the only reason Paige is in grad school is so she can learn how to mess with people's heads.

Paige said that Rogerson, as unattractive as he is, has created a fantasy in his mind about the girls at the law school. He feels almost a sense of "entitlement" when it comes to having the girls there like him (a common trait among narcissists). Even though he knows that women, besides his wife--but that's another story--don't find him attractive, his power position as a professor makes him think they will like him anyway. In fact, it's almost as if he insists we HAVE to like him. Which is true. He does act like that. It's like he feels the female students liking him comes with the job or something.

Anyway, Paige says narcissists like Rogerson create these fantasies where women like them even if they say they don't or behave like they don't. Women are perceived as "hustlers" who play games, and acting like they don't like him is all part of the game. Of course, no woman in her right mind would be attracted to a rude, ego maniac like Rogerson--not to mention the fact he is so unattractive that there's no way you could be drawn to him. The fact he treats people like they worship him is his most unattractive feature.

Ironically, Rogerson doesn't ACTUALLY want women to spend time with him, or to date him, or to have an affair with him. He wants the game, but he doesn't want any form of intimacy. If you get too close, he fears deep down, you will reject him. So, what you are left with is a guy who fantasizes about getting women but who will run if you get too close.

Here's Paige's theory: If you actually play along with Rogerson's fantasy, the reality of the situation will scare the crap out of him, and he'll stop the games. He'll likely treat you like you don't exist or that he doesn't know you. He will literally PUSH you away because he doesn't want you to get that close to him. What Paige is suggesting sounds just crazy enough to work. All we have to do is call Rogerson's bluff, and he'll run like the big chicken he is!

Apparently, this has been done in movies and on TV, like on WKRP, a comedy that was on a little before my time. There's a nerdy guy named Herb who hit on the beautiful receptionist constantly and drove her nuts. She finally called his bluff and agreed to go out with him, and he couldn't handle it. There is such a big difference between fantasy and reality, that when faced with a chance to really know the beautiful receptionist, he didn't know what to do. I think he ended up hyperventilating or throwing up on her shoes or something.

I'll have to give this some more thought and talk to Amy about it, but it makes sense to me! All we have to do is pretend to like Rogerson, and that will be the end to all the BS that's been going on. I'll let you know what Amy says...

A Storm Brewing

2005-11-11T22:54:00.000-08:00

I guess I should start with a warning that this posting may sound a little "stressed..." The wind has really picked up outside, and the beach house is swaying a little on its stilts. Booger is going nuts, barking at the lightening. I can also tell we're about to have a storm because of my headache. Although, it does feel more like a Rogerson-headache, which is part of the migraine family. So much for the idea of me not letting things in Amy's life get to me...

Today was actually a pretty good day up until Professor Rogerson's class. Intellectual Property and the copyright stuff is coming much more easily to me, and it is really interesting. Business Associations, on the other hand, might as well be taught in a foreign language. I'm not following Rogerson at all. Probably because the guy makes me sick.

After BA, I tried to scoot on out the door quickly, but Rogerson yelled, "Ms. Morrighan!" before I got close enough to the hallway to pretend I didn't hear him. With the usual student audience gathered around him to kiss his ass, Rogerson waited for me to reach the podium. He asked me where I was yesterday, and I acted like it was no big deal... like "Oh, didn't you get my note?" He said he'd meet me in 10 minutes to go to the Feed Lots. I thought I was going to throw up on his shoes right then and there. I tried several excuses to get out of it...

"I've already used up my hours for law clinic this week..."

"I have other plans for this afternoon..."

"I don't remember where the Feed Lots are..."

Nothing seemed to really work. I'd forgotten that I offered to draw him a map, so the idea of me "forgetting" how to get there just made him laugh at me. The students around us laughed at me too, even though they had no idea what we were talking about. As for my other excuses, Rogerson finally said, very calmly, "Okay, then I'll just go ahead and give you an 'F' in Law Clinic."

The students who heard him seemed to enjoy that comment. Me, not so much. I asked him why he would give me an "F" in the Pass-Fail course, and he said it is "policy" to do that when a client is negatively impacted by a law student's actions. As bad as an "F" sounds, I actually considered for a second just saying "Fine" and taking the damn "F." But in the end, I knew I couldn't because it would really screw up Amy's GPA. Plus, then there's the principle of the matter, where I shouldn't have to take an "F" in order to keep from being subjected to possible harassment.

So I told Rogerson I couldn't go today, and I would touch base with him on Monday. He said okay and seemed really pleased with himself, like "I've got you."

When I got back to the beach house, I called Amy to see if we could come up with a plan. She was livid about the idea of getting an "F," but even moreso about me telling Rogerson I'd go with him. We're "letting him win" she told me. I hate it as much as she does, but what can we do? We can't go to the dean because we know she won't do a damn thing. And if we try to do anything else, it will just make matters worse.

We have until Monday to come up with something. I told Amy to see if she can talk to Paige. Paige is a genious when it comes to psychological mind games, and I know if Amy tells her "My sister is having problems," that Paige will come up with the best solution. Only problem is...Amy said she doesn't want to talk to Paige. It turns out Amy "can't stand" Paige because Paige drives her nuts. Great. I told her to try anyway!

My head is really starting to hurt. And since there is just dial-up internet access, I should probably get off this computer anyway with all the lightening. Now if I can just get Booger to shut up...

Not Getting In the Car

2005-11-10T21:46:00.000-08:00

I have to say, I am proud of myself for being so brave... Now, hold on a sec while I come out from where I've been hiding behind the couch...

In my desperation to avoid going anywhere with Rogerson, I decided to respond to him in the same way he notified me. I sent him a sticky. I went upstairs to his secretary's office first thing this morning, before Criminal Procedure. I knew the secretary wouldn't be there yet, and Rogerson (thank goodness) wasn't in yet either. I left the sticky on the computer where the secretary would see it when she came in.

11-10-05
Please tell Prof. Rogerson
I can't go with him.
Have prior commitment.
--A. Morrighan

Then, after Criminal Procedure, I got the heck out of the building as fast as I could! (Real brave, I know.) I dodged the bullet today... But now I'm worried about the consequences. I mean, really worried. I hate this, and I wish I could switch back with Amy RIGHT NOW. Except I don't really want Amy to have to deal with this creep either. I'm still trying to figure out how I can stop Rogerson. Once and for all.

No, violence is not an option.

I have to go read for Intellectual Property; we're discussing whether Google's actions in putting books online is "Fair Use" or not. I also have to prepare for Rogerson's class, because it may be that he decides to humiliate me in class to get back at me for not going with him.

I need my best friend, Paige. She would know what to do. I want to go home!

Sticky Note

2005-11-09T16:58:00.000-08:00

A big thanks to everyone who emailed Traci and posted opinions about the book idea! Keep the suggestions and feedback coming! I'm sending an imaginary ASHLEY AND AMY TWINKIES t-shirt to each and every one of you! :o)

After Intellectual Property and then Business Associations (where I found myself almost growling at Rogerson), I worked my compulsory hour in the Law Clinic. It's hard to believe I was actually putting in 19 hours a week there, since now even one hour is torture. While I was getting files together to actually put in the file cabinet--I seem to be the only one there who knows the alphabet--Kevin said he had a message to give me from Professor Rogerson. It was on one of those little yellow sticky-notes, and I knew before he even read it to me that I was going to hate hearing it.

Tell Ms. Morrighan
My office tomorrow afternoon
Go with me to Feed Lots

Kevin thought he was being so clever as he read it like it's like a telegram. Tell Ms. Morrighan STOP. My office tomorrow afternoon STOP. Go with me to Feed Lots STOP. Apparently, the hunt for the exact property listed in the will Mr. H is responsible for has still not been located well enough to sell it, and Rogerson actually wants to talk to Earl. Since Earl, head of the Deliverance cast, doesn't have a phone, the only way to reach him is to visit him at the "Feed Lots" where he works.

Why do I have to "go with" Rogerson? Why can't I just draw a map to the Feed Lots? Google will get him to "Geeker Pike" which leads right into town--you can't miss the converted Stuckey's that is now a grocery store. If anything, he can do like I did and stop and ask directions once he's gotten that far. I think he should pop in our favorite Fire Station-slash-Town Hall-slash-Lion's Club meeting room and see how Gerald and Weird Smoking Lady are doing... Maybe get the scoop on the next Duckie Derby race. (Click to see Ends of the Earth posting).

Let me tell you how thrilled I am about the idea of riding in Rogerson's car with him, or in Amy's jeep, for the hour and a half drive (including Ferry) to the Town That Time Forgot. Talk about majorly creeping me out. What if he drives, and he ends up driving me some place I don't want to go? I asked Kevin if he would go with us or go in my place, and even he said "No way!" I think I'm going to have to put my foot down with Rogerson, and I don't care if there are consequences. It is bound to get ugly, but I am NOT going with that man in a car anywhere tomorrow.

I emailed Amy to tell her about the note, and she freaked, too, saying: "DON'T GET IN A CAR WITH THAT MAN!" So, we're in agreement that I'm not getting in a car with that man. I told her maybe it's time for us to switch our lives back, and she said no way in hell. I am hoping there is a way to get out of this in a dignified, professional manner. If not, then I may have to resort to honesty and tell Professor Rogerson I am not comfortable riding in a car with him. I hope he isn't one of those people where once you say no to something they become even more determined that you MUST do that one thing you are refusing to do. I've noticed that law students and professors do that a lot...pounce on your weakness or fears.

What Do You Think?

2005-11-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in Professor Tarkington's Criminal Procedure class today, considering plans for what can be done about Rogerson and Amy and the law school, etc. I hate this feeling of helplessness. More people need to be aware of the problem and maybe something would be done about it. So I was thinking about what if we wrote a book about the twin switch and what we have discovered? It would be great "revenge" too because Rogerson (and people like him) will have a more difficult time pulling his little tricks if people already know what goes on. I know Amy would feel much better about what has happened if she feels it might make a difference to someone else. Plus, people need to hear Amy's side of the twin switch anyway.

I"m just thinking out loud here, really, but if we were to write a book, what format should it be in? I thought I might ask you all since you know the twin switch better than anyone. Should it be written like a "blog"? In like a diary format? Email format? Other? I think it would have to be written as fiction (but with everyone knowing it's likely not) in order to keep us from being sued by the law school and professors. What do you think? Also, if you have opinions for what you like or don't like about the "story" that has happened so far, please let me know that, too. Don't be shy! Let me know what you think...

Please email Traci at:

tracilcampbell@yahoo.com

Don't forget her middle initial "L" in it. Or if it isn't very long, please just post comments on the blog. I really appreciate your thoughts on this!!

By the way, in class this morning, the students were passing around the article about scientific testing on cow tipping. It makes me laugh that, with everything going on in the world (legal and nonlegal), it's the cow tipping everyone in the law school is talking about! The article is from the UK, and here's the link:

Cow tipping article

Cow Tipping Law

2005-11-07T20:46:00.000-08:00

In Intellectual Property today, several students got into an argument about a VERY important issue that has been on the forefront of everyone's mind.

Was it the Bird Flu pandemic that's supposedly right around the corner? No...

Was it about the new Supreme Court Justice? No...

War on Terror? No...

Global Warming? No...

The topic of debate among young legal scholars was COW TIPPING. Okay, so what does that tell you about law students?

Apparently, some scientists somewhere did tests and discovered it is impossible to actually sneak up on a cow when he is sleeping and tip him over. That's right... I hate to burst your bubble, but cow tipping is a myth. Why anyone would want to tip a cow over is beyond me. I had never even heard of cow tipping, but hey, I don't recall the last time I even encountered a real cow, so how would I know? But there are, allegedly, several professional cow tippers in our IP class who had to actually argue it was possible to tip sleeping cows. So, what was the outcome of the debate? More study is needed. This means there likely will be a bunch of law students sneaking around in fields this coming weekend to try and tip over sleeping cows. Ah, what a wonderfully exciting world Amy lives in...

I had a meeting with Professor Tarkington first thing this morning, and it's so funny how neither of us are morning people. I have a hard enough time concentrating just being alone with him in his teeny-weeny office (how come Rogerson's office is so much bigger?), but throw in the morning drowsiness, and I have to be extra careful not to say something that would clue him in on the twin switch. So, I go in his office, and he has his little black mug of coffee and the comics pages of the newspaper on his desk. It just cracks me up to think he actually takes the time to read the comics, especially with as *serious* he always is. He doesn't even try to hide them from me or pretend he's not going to read them.

I told him I had read over the [extremely boring] law review articles about juvenile justice sentencing, and he wanted to know what my thoughts are about his article he wants to write. I have to tell myself to "focus" because I want to laugh whenever he looks at me so intently, like he really thinks I know what the hell I'm doing. Asking me about sentencing guidelines is like asking me what I think about the parasitic tow on the bottom of the barges that go up and down the Intercoastal Waterway. No clue and no interest, thank you very much. I really did feel like I was "playing law student" when I was sitting there, trying to sound intelligent.

How weird that it never even dawned on Tarkington that I might actually be against the death penalty, especially when it comes to juveniles. I would have thought he would have asked me how I felt, but he doesn't seem to care or he is just assuming I'm fine with it. At some point, it is very likely I will blurt out my true feelings about this. This morning, he gave me an outline for the article and said he wants me to get on "Westlaw" to start researching current caselaw. I'm just sitting there, smiling and nodding, like I know exactly what to do... But, now I must ask... Where do I find access to Westlaw? I know Amy said it is like the internet on it has legal stuff on it. Do I need to use the computers in the library? I sent an email to Amy, but I haven't heard back from her. She thinks I'm crazy to even attempt to work with Tarkington, so I'm not sure she'll tell me.

It was really difficult being in Rogerson's Business Associations class today now that I know what went on last year with Amy and Rogerson. All the sudden, all of those creepy, bizarre comments he has been making to me are starting to make sense. His crazy request that I work 19 hours a week in law clinic when most students only have to work 4-5 hours, his comment about how he "owns me," and the "look in the mirror" comment. Not to mention his comment about how I can always play with his "snake."

For a minute, I came THIS close to saying something to Professor Tarkington during our meeting, to see if he could recommend some way to put a stop to Rogerson's conduct once and for all. But then I remembered that Amy went to Tarkington originally about having problems with a "creepy professor." She trusted him to give her advice. She didn't tell him who the professor was; she just wanted to know what Tarkington recommended as her advisor. And what did Tarkington do? He went to the dean, and together they figured out it was Rogerson. Talk about betrayal.

Amy told me something else that I found interesting... Amy said the dean told her that one of the reasons Tarkington met with the deans to discuss the matter was because Tarkington thought maybe Amy was talking about HIM. Like TARKINGTON was the creepy professor Amy was talking about that was bothering her! Yipes! I asked Amy if Tarkington has ever said anything inappropriate, and she says not that she can recall---but that she certainly wouldn't complain about it anyway! Isn't it paranoid of Tarkington to assume she was talking about him when she wouldn't tell him who the professor was? What is the deal with the professors at that school?! And, more importantly, how do I get Tarkington to harass ME? ;o)

I feel like I am hyper-focusing on my actions and comments to all the professors now. I don't like the environment at the law school, and I certainly understand now why Amy was always saying "Stay off the radar." It is not like me, however, to just sit back and "take it." I don't make a very good victim, and I hate seeing other people be victimized. I'm still working on a plan on how to handle Rogerson once and for all.

Developing a Rogerson Plan

2005-11-06T22:09:00.000-08:00

This weekend, I finally had a chance to sit down with Amy and get all the details about what happened with Rogerson and the law school last year. I remember her telling me about some if it as it was going on last semester, but at the time, I was dealing with grad school, and I had no idea how nasty things really were for her. I feel bad for not doing more at the time. Apparently, I gave her the same advice I gave Highlighter Guy awhile back...I told her to just keep going at the law school until something (besides herself) stopped her. She put up with more than she should have (more than I would have), and I am certainly not going to tolerate any of that "sexual needs" crap from Rogerson now.

The question becomes...what should we do about it? We need a good plan to get Rogerson to stop harassing Amy and other students like her. Amy and I discussed the different options, everything from meeting with the dean again to calling a lawyer. I don't know how to get the deans to do something when they have already refused so many times. And even if we can get the dean to intervene or a lawyer gets involved, and even if the harassment stops, what will be left for Amy at that school? By telling the students they have to along with professors because they are like judges, she is set up to fail because the circumstances make it impossible for her to get along with the professors. They are going to see her as a troublemaker (Rogerson told her they all see her as "a piece of work" already), likely stand by their friend Rogerson, and--I have been in that environment so I know--attending classes will be a nightmare. The deans apparently even warned her that the professors talk to each other, and it would be "academic suicide" to pursue a complaint against Rogerson.

So what is left? Just keep going and keep facing abuse from Rogerson? Quit law school all together (which is what Amy is headed for)? She could try to transfer, but since Rogerson gave her that D last year in the four-hour Civil Procedure course, she doesn't realistically have a high enough overall GPA to transfer. If she wants to be a lawyer, she has to stay where she is. Therefore, the question really is a simple one...

How do we get Rogerson to stop his harassment without going through the dean's office or otherwise pursuing a complaint?

So far, here is what Amy has tried:
1. Talking to the deans. Big mistake.
2. Trying to tell him she's not interested in him or any professor. Rogerson doesn't care and (get this!) said he doesn't believe her! That he can tell by her body language she has feelings for him...
3. Staying away from him. Doesn't work because she ended up assigned to him for Business Associations, and he always manages to end up in her path.
4. Telling him off. He apparently enjoyed it when she tried to tell him off. He said if she wants to get to graduation, she has to go through him. (This ended up with her talking to the dean again, who reiterated how judges will be like this, so she has to get along with him.)
5. Playing "dumb". Yes, Amy actually tries to play dumb like she doesn't understand his sexual comments or discussions he tries to have with her. She thought he would give up on trying to talk to her, but, it didn't work. Amy says it just ticks Rogerson off (he actually told her she was being "rude"), and he's become more determined to educate her about sexual stuff.
6. Be boring. Amy said she's tried to bore him to death, so he will move on to someone else. When she has to be around him, she says she talks about General Hospital, her scrapbooking (which she doesn't really do), shoe shopping, basically anything she can think of that he won't care about. This doesn't seem to do any good either, because Rogerson just takes over the conversations and doesn't let her talk.
7. Dressing to un-impress. Amy said Rogerson used to always comment on her figure and clothes, so she stopped wearing dresses and cute stuff to school, instead just wearing big t-shirts and jeans. Unfortunately that didn't work either. Amy says it just gives Rogerson a chance to be more creepy by telling her how to dress "more feminine."

I guess you have to admire Amy's creativity. I know there's got to be a way to deal with him so Amy can feel safe coming back to law school. Amy left to go resume living my life--and to be with Robert. So, it looks like it's up to me to handle Rogerson...

Amy's Turn

2005-11-04T18:03:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! It's me, Amy. I'm the NICE twin...

First, a little background. I'm Amy (only that's not my real name but, instead, a really boring name Ashley gave me. I wanted a name like "Alexandra" or "Amelia", but no... It's Amy) and I'm 27 years old. I am technically in my second year of law school, even though I haven't gone to class all semester except for one day when Ashley was sick, and I had to go to class as well as go fill out the forms for law clinic. I have a beach cabin on the coast where I live by myself and occasionally one of the neighborhood dogs. You all have already met Booger, haven't you? That is his real name, by the way. Anyway, I've wanted to become a lawyer ever since....I realized I hated math and didn't have to do math as an attorney. I would guess probably since college, although our parents have always said I should be a lawyer since I basically will argue with a Stop sign...

Enough of the intro stuff. You probably already know more about me than I want to you know. Let's jump into the questions. Thanks to everyone who sent emails! It's great to hear from you! I'll include your name if you said it was ok. If your questions don't show up here, blame Traci. haha Actually, it is likely due to time and space issues or Ashley won't let me answer it publicy for some reason. These are the most common questions sent, in a shortened form.

Let's begin with our first question... I feel like Casey Kasem or something, "Our Long Distance Dedication comes from..."

1. Carly wants to know: When it comes to Robert, what are you guys going to do? He believes he's seeing Ashley...and I know there are a lot of really nice compassionate guys out there...but compassionate enough to tolerate the fact that he's been duped by a twin switch? How do you think he will react? and are you going to tell him?

Hi Carly, thanks for writing. OMG, just jump right on in and ask the biggie! :) I don't really know what we're going to do. One of the reasons I came home was to talk to my sister about Robert and hopefully get her to help me tell him. Maybe together he would take it better. Ashley said no way in hell does she want to get involved in it. I, personally, think she is already involved since Rob thinks I'm HER. I also was thinking we could prolong the twin switch indefinitely.... Maybe? Just let me be "Ashley" from now on? (I'm kidding, Ashley, quit freaking out.)

If that won't work, then I want to see if we can keep this going until Christmas break. If I tell Rob before then and the switch is over to where I have to come back here, then what if he doesn't take it well? He'll be hundreds of miles away, and I'll be here... So I think I should stay as Ashley until Christmas time when Rob and I will have some time to just work all this out. Rob is a great guy and I think you'd really like him. He's one of those people who seems to really understand relationships and I think he will handle this ok as long as we present it gently. This wasn't supposed to happen and it wasn't planned or anything. Us getting together just happened. Hopefully he'll understand. I hope that answers your question.

2. Carly and a few others also want to know: We got to hear Ashley's day-to-day "struggles" with being you... but what were some of your moments? Was there anything overwhelmingly harder than the rest?

Great questions. Many many struggles. Everything has been a struggle, but in a funny kinda way. Being around Robert the first couple of times, knowing he knew "me" well...That was nerve-racking. OMG, Ashley has some obnoxious friends, who also make life a struggle. I can't seem to "click" with them, no matter how hard I try. It didn't take me long to realize that Psychology people drive me nuts.

Hummm, let's see... overwhelmingly harder... That would probably be when I had to present a chapter to the seminar class. In grad school, unlike law school, the profs will for some unknown reason (laziness?) assign students chapters to teach the class. Dr. Lyle, who is the prof for the class as well as Ashley's advisor who is also in on the twin switch, kind of set me up. She's been doing this ever since I got there, even though Ashley thinks I'm just paranoid. When it was my turn to present a chapter to the class (as Ashley) I found that really hard. In law school, you have to stand up and answer questions or present stuff in a mock-trial situation, but you don't have to stand there and just say stuff in a lecture format for a long period of time. I hate public speaking.

During the question and answer part of my presentation, Dr. Lyle asked me questions she KNEW full-well I couldn't answer. She knows I'm Amy and not really Ashley, and that my psych knowledge is very very limited. I think she puts me in risky situations just to see if I'll get caught. Anyway, I ended up flubbing around and finally saying, "That's complicated...." "I'm going to have to look into that" and "That is beyond the scope of my chapter..." I know I looked like an idiot and I'm surprised no one busted me right there for not really being Ashley. It was hard enough even understanding the chapter in order to present it in the first place. That has been the hardest thing so far (except for the lying thing to Robert, which has been a real struggle).

3. Are you worried about making up a whole semester of law school?

That was one of my biggest concerns when Ashley and I started this whole thing. Though, I was really already thinking about quitting law school, or transferring, or taking a semester off because my first year was total hell. I knew Ashley could handle it, and hopefully, maybe even fix things for me a little so that perhaps they would be better by the time I got back.

Now, here we are about three months into this, and honestly, I don't know if I want to go back to law school at all. Most of it has to do with Robert, and how he is going to react to the twin switch, so I can't really say for sure. I know I'll be screwed (Traci, can I say "screwed" on here?) if I have to go back toward the end of the semester and attempt to take exams. But, Ashley and I knew this going into it. There is also another option, and that is to let ASHLEY take the exams, since she has been there the whole time. She said no "F-ing" way (Ashley said a bad wor-rd, I'm telling Mo-om), but I think that would be fun to see. I think we'll just have to wait and see how this plays out, but to answer your question: yes, I'm concerned.

4. What happened with Rogerson last year? You didn't have "something going on," if you know what I mean?

Pardon me while I throw up... No, nothing "like that" went on last year, even though he pushed it. I'll try to give you the Readers Digest version...

Except Traci just told me I can't because there's a chance Professor Rogerson is reading these blog postings, and he might start legal problems (or try) if he sees it all presented in print. If you are reading this Professor Rogerson, let me just say how much my sister and I have enjoyed playing this trick on you. It doesn't make up for what you have done to me, but it sure makes the whole law school process more amusing! The fun has only just begun, let me tell you!

5. Does Amy have a blog detailing her experiences as Ashley?

I've kept notes for Ashley, and I always intended to do a blog, but I haven't been able to do the blog thing yet. I'm pretty weak when it comes to computer stuff, and Ashley and I both think I'll get myself caught somehow if I do the blog on my own. Unfortunately, I don't have someone like Traci who will take my emails, wave her magic wand, and *poof* create a blog for me. I've tried begging and bribing her, but she says it would be too confusing and she doesn't have enough time. At some point, I want to do the blog (maybe when Ashley is finished and Traci has time?) or maybe try to write it up in a book or something if there are people who would want to read it.

Well, that's about it for now... My neighbor is having a fish-fry so I need to change clothes and head on over there. Thanks for your great questions and all the support! Send more questions if you have them, and I'll try to answer them before I leave.

Nice meeting all of you!

Cheers,
Amy

Questions for Amy?

2005-11-04T06:05:00.000-08:00

Traci has mentioned to me that several people have asked questions about what Amy is up to. Since she is coming home today, I thought it might be a good time for you to ask her what you want to know. She won't be able to tell you identifying things, such as where she is located, which school I go to (that she is now attending) etc. But I think it would be fun if Traci would forward the emails and let us see what questions you may have.

Be sure to email them to Traci's email address:

tracilcampbell@yahoo.com

That's "tracilcampbell" with the "L" for her middle initial. By emailing them, it will be the easiest way for Traci to then just forward the emails on to us. Please don't put them in the "Comments" since Amy doesn't read the blog itself and won't see them.

I'll see if we can get Traci to post some of the most frequent questions with the answers on the blog. So be sure to say whether or not it's okay to put your name on the blog as who the question was from.

And if we use your question on the air, we will send you one of these nifty ASHLEY AND AMY TWINKIE t-shirts.......Just kidding! :o)

Fitting the Profile

2005-11-03T15:20:00.000-08:00

I just got off the phone with Amy. Guess who's coming home this weekend! She's using up the rest of her frequent flier miles to come home because she's homesick. I'm homesick too -- can I go home? Once she's back and is standing in the waves of the ocean again, feeding the mosquitoes, maybe she'll be more open to reason when it comes to Robert. And the twin switch. We need a plan on how we will end this gracefully.

I have pretty much had it with Professor Rogerson. He is getting weirder and weirder every day. Today, I went by to talk to his secretary about my schedule for next week in law clinic. I am still spreading out the 4-5 hours per week (which translates into 3.9 actual hours) so I can avoid working with Rogerson. In any event, while I was standing at her desk, playing with the little yellow, squishy thing that says "Owwww" when you drop it, Rogerson stuck his head out of his office and asked to speak to me for a moment. I acted like it was no big deal. I've been to his office before, and I can usually make an excuse to get the hell out of there.

Rogerson has this big ol' stuffed snake (as in taxadermied stuffed) on a stand by his desk. (Amy always calls it "Eddie" since Rogerson's first name is Edward.) You can't help but notice the creature since it's displayed like a zoo exhibit or something. I think Rogerson uses it as a prop to embarrass people. Today, for example, he said, "Amy, you know you are always welcome to play with MY SNAKE..."

Now, I know there will be those people who will say he meant nothing by that. That there was no sexual connotation whatsoever. But you didn't see the way he said it... In that George Costanza way he has about him. Major creep. And what was with the photographs?? That's what I want to know. He had like a half dozen of 8x10 framed pictures of his wife and kids all over his desk, facing away from him. At one point, when I was saying how busy and stressed I am (and a reason why I need to leave his office pronto), he actually handed me one of the pictures of his daughter--like it was supposed to cheer me up? How weird is that? I didn't know he had kids...(Someone actually has sex with this man? Ewww).

Turns out that the pictures are props, too. He said he has to show pictures of his wife and family and talk about them because there is a "certain profile of female students" who will HIT ON HIM. Yes, that is what he said... He has to keep pictures on his desk, facing his guests, and actually hand them to people to look at...AND he said he has to talk about his wife and family because he's concerned about the "profile" of women who will HIT ON HIM. He said it with a straight face. Like he's serious.

I almost fell on the floor laughing my ass off! But no, I had to actually stand there and nod like I understood what he was saying... Where is my Academy Award? And the fact he is handing the pictures to ME?! Give me a break. Am I part of that "profile" he is talking about?

Didn't Bill Clinton do the same thing with the pictures on his desk at the time of the whole Monica thing? Nothing makes them look more guilty---or more slimy---then such an obvious attempt to cover something up. He is trying to create an alibi almost. Like we're going to all the sudden think: "Rogerson is an upstanding family man. He's happily married with kids, and he has to go the extra mile to make sure women won't hit on him. The poor thing."

I still don't know why he said he needed to speak to me for a moment. I guess it was to let me know he's happily married with kids so I won't hit on him. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Just when you think you've seen it all...

Boat Free

2005-11-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

It appears that the little Boat Fairy returned last night to unhook his boat from Amy's jeep and take it back to wherever he came from. I was thinking about this... and I remember this happened once before. During the evacuation for Katrina when someone attached a boat to the jeep, and I towed it up to Charlie's sister's house. I never did find out whose boat that was. Charlie just told me to drive it and bring it back safely. So I did. Whoever you are that left the boat attached to the jeep this time, you owe me $25 for the ticket I got for parking in the student lot with a boat. And you also made me late for Tarkington's class yesterday...which caused me undue pain and suffering. I'll need $10,000 for that. Plus the damage to my jeep. Ya huh, there was, too, so damage! I had to park the jeep next to my house instead of under it (because I was afraid I would hit one of the stilts if I parked under the house with it), and I ended up getting the jeep all muddy. That is damage. And even though I don't quite know what it means or how to apply it, I think I should get treble damages...

I found out today that we have only a little over a month left in the semester. If Amy isn't careful, she will end up missing every single class. I can just see her listening to all the little tapes I recorded for her and trying to learn all that stuff. I doubt she could do it. I haven't heard from her except for a quick phone call when Wilma was heading our direction. She insists that Robert is her "soul mate" -- bleh. He is not her soul mate. If Robert is anyone's soul mate, he would be MY soul mate. I can't believe she is still seeing him. And I know my sister... it's just a matter of time before she spills her guts about everything, and we are busted. Not to even mention how mad Robert is going to be. I know his temper better than she does. Amy is not going to get the happy ending she wants out of the twin switch. I've tried telling her this over and over, and she just won't listen.

Meanwhile, I am really doing great with my FreeCell scores in Intellectual Property. The guy who sits behind me compliments me everyday. Michele has even started playing FreeCell instead of shopping so much. I guess she finally figured out it was looking suspicious for her to have her credit card out while we were talking about Copyrights. We are also moving right along in Business Associations. Professor Rogerson has really picked up the pace as far as the cases go. We cover six or seven in each class. Let's compare that to the one case per week (if we are lucky) in Intellectual Property... now you know why everyone is playing FreeCell.

I am currently reading the law review articles Tarkington recommended to get me up to speed for when we dive into his law review project. I'm supposed to be writing down my thoughts, ideas, comments, etc. as I read this stuff. Talk about BORING. I know I've said this before, but it's worth repeating... It's a damn good thing Tarkington is so hot, because otherwise it would really bug me to have to help him write an article in favor of the death penalty, when I am so much against it. I keep thinking that maybe I can research the information and find arguments for why he should be AGAINST the death penalty... Like I can change his mind or something. Hey, I can dream, can't I?

Come Get Your Boat

2005-11-01T15:26:00.000-08:00

The Boat Fairy paid me a visit last night. I was getting ready to leave this morning to go to Professor Tarkington's Criminal Procedure class, and when I walked outside, there was a boat attached to my (Amy's) jeep. How does that happen? Maybe it's a local Halloween tradition I'm not aware of? You know I love Charlie and the kids and all the neighbors around here. I understand that Amy has good relationships with all these people to where they can use her jeep anytime they want. Usually, as long as they put the top back on the jeep, and there's enough gas in it to get me to the law school, hey, I'm fine with it.

But, what am I supposed to do with a Boston Whaler attached to the jeep when I am already running late? I ran over to Charlie's to see if Rose knew anything (the kids were already at school and Charlie was at work). She has been spending all of her time with Ex-husband No. 5, so she hasn't been around much and doesn't know who owns the boat. I then tried calling the neighbors who live in the 3rd and 4th row houses. No one seems to know whose boat it is. Which is funny, in itself if you think about it. Since when do the people around here NOT know something? Everyone knows everyone, everything, and every boat within a 20 mile radius. Except this one. I tried to figure out how to unhitch the boat from the jeep and couldn't figure that out either. I really do need to go to boat school or something if I'm going to live down here.

So, when I couldn't find the owners, and I couldn't get the boat off of the trailer hitch, what did I do? I drove the jeep anyway. With the boat. To the law school. I left a note taped to the front glass doors to Amy's beach house that said, "Dear Boat Owner, I couldn't get your boat off of my jeep, so I had no choice but to take it to law school with me. Be home around noon. Amy."

Parking the jeep-boat combo in the student lot was interesting. The little wimpy security guard came running over to me, telling me I couldn't park my boat in the student lot. I told him it wasn't my boat, that I couldn't get the boat off, and didn't know who it belonged to. He started laughing and got on his little black walkie-talkie and told all his little security guard friends. They determined that I needed to park the jeep and boat on the street. LIKE I'M REALLY GOING TO FIND 2 PARKING METERS IN A ROW that are available at 9:25 in the morning?! Plus, I think there is a city ordinance where you can't park your boat at a meter. I could be wrong, but with my luck, I'm guessing it's a law. So, I pleaded with the security guy to let me keep the boat there while I went to one class. He finally said, "Well, I'm going to have to give you a ticket..." Fine. Great. I told him I would love a ticket.

And then the worst thing in the world happened. I ended up walking in late to Professor Tarkington's class! I know... I know... THE HORROR! It's like breaking a major law. You will get the death penalty for sure, because Tarkington loves the death penalty. Even for juvenile offenders--but that's another issue. When I walked in the building and noticed the clocks in the hall said 9:34, I knew I was doomed. I almost skipped the class completely. But then, I knew if I left, it would mean I went through boat-hell for nothing, and I even read the cases for today... So I figured, what the heck. Let's see what Tarkington does when I walk in late... Maybe he'll fire me as his Research Assistant, and I won't have to learn how to do all the legal writing crap or look up stuff about the death penalty for pre-teens.

As I inched my way closer to the classroom door, I was laughing to myself... I could just hear the "dum-dum-dee dum... dum-dee-dum dee-dum-dee-dum" horror movie music... And I could actually hear Tarkington's voice through the wall, though not enough to hear exactly what he was saying. I remember Amy always said if you are late for Tarkington's class, BEG FOR MERCY. You know how I hate that. But, I was prepared for it anyway. I put my hand on the silver round doorknob and slowly opened the classroom door...

You would have thought the world stopped spinning. Everyone in the classroom froze as a hush filled the room. Tarkington was saying something about the 6th Amendment, and I heard him stop mid-sentence. I didn't look over at him; I just walked quickly up the three long steps to the third row, said, "Excuse me, excuse me" as I stumbled past the students' chairs and laptop cords to get down my row, and then I sat down between Highlighter guy and Michele, who couldn't even look at me... Once in my seat, I didn't dare look up at Tarkington. I got my stuff out of my bag and opened the book. Tarkington continued on with his 6th Amendment soliloquy, which I took as a good sign. To my amazement and the other students' shock, Professor Tarkington didn't yell at me or kick me out of class. You just KNOW people were disappointed. It was the longest class of my whole entire life.

After class, Randall--the law student formerly known as Highlighter Guy--asked me why I was late. I noticed big ears were listening as people in the rows around me stopped talking to hear what I was saying. It was so tempting to make up something bizarre... But instead I told them the truth. Randall said, "Well, you'd better go tell Tarkington." Which translates into "Hurry up and tell Tarkington so we can all watch..."

Tarkington was talking to Michele and two other students when I approached him at the podium. I hate sucking up to people -- even good-looking-guy-type people. He turned to look at me and then looked at the podium, like he was packing up his stuff to go. I told him I was terribly sorry to be late, it won't happen again, blah blah blah...and he said, "I didn't kick you out of class because you of all people NEED to be here." I "need" to be there? Like I'm academically challenged to the point I need every single second of class I can get? Well...he's probably right. I tried to tell him my boat story, but he didn't seem that interested in it; he acted like I was making it up or something. Just as an aside, I will say, it never escapes my attention how attractive he is... even when he is mad. He still doesn't look right in a suit, though...and a green tie would better to bring out his eyes than the blue one he wore today... Amazing what goes through your mind while you're begging for mercy from Professor Tarkington.

When I finished with my final chorus of "I'm sorry," he basically just said, "Okay." That was it. The crowd of students who had stayed to watch were obviously feeling gypped. Even I was disappointed. No yelling? No threats to my (I mean Amy's) grade? No lecture about how the most important thing we can do for our clients is show up on time? Humph. I wonder if he's feeling okay. Maybe he's saving my lecture for when we're alone discussing his law review article? Except now I feel even worse because he didn't give me the punishment I deserved. I wish he had said something or did something besides just say, "Okay..."

And if that wasn't enough to make my day cheery, I then went into the hallway, and Astrid made some "joke" about how I must be having an affair with Tarkington since he didn't kill me. I guess since we all thought that about Becca when she walked in late, I can't really blame them. But it's still a weird feeling. I walked out to the parking lot to find a pretty pink parking ticket on the jeep. I have to turn it in to the Registrar's Office to see how much it will be. Under reason, the security guard wrote: "Unauthorized student vehicle parking in student lot." Even the security guards are verbose at law schools.

Now, sitting at home, I'm still waiting for the Boat Fairy to come back and get his or her Boston Whaler. If the boat belongs to you, please come by and pick it up.

Twin Switch Day

2005-10-31T17:32:00.000-08:00

Don't you think Halloween should be National Twin Switch Day? I was thinking about this over the weekend. Professor Rogerson told us on Friday that we could have a "free pass" if we dressed up on Halloween. Of course, who wouldn't want a free pass to keep from being called on in Business Associations? And you certainly wouldn't want to be one of the few who DIDN'T dress up because you'd be called on for sure. So, really the choice boiled down to this: Do you want to prepare like crazy for Business Associations for when you get called on OR do you want to dress up in some dorky costume even though you are 27 years old...

The choice was easy. The costume wasn't. I finally decided to go as my twin sister for Halloween. Amy and I have done this before when we have been at a loss for a costume. But this time it was exceptionally fun for me. It allowed me, as Ashley, who is normally pretending to be Amy, to get to pretend to be Ashley. I was able to get a break from being Amy and could be me, ASHLEY MORRIGHAN!! For one whole, beautiful, glorious day!

I went to class today as Ashley-pretending-to-be- Amy-pretending- to-be-Ashley, and everyone was dressed up. Some students' costumes were pretty weak; they wore suits, saying they were dressed up as "lawyers" (Rogerson announced that those students were being overly "optimistic"). The funniest one I thought was a guy named Matt who came to class carrying a huge stack of papers, wore wrinkled Dockers, a wrinkled t-shirt, no shoes and basically looked like hell. He said he was a "Bar Exam Taker." Then, you had the cheaters who actually bought costumes. (I do love the big ol' black spider costume with all the legs, though.) Some people didn't dress up all day, but instead, just brought their costumes and changed before Rogerson's class at 1:30. And you know there was the expected joke to Rogerson, who didn't dress up, but to whom everyone said, "I love your costume!" Since he wears his ass**** costume everyday, there was no real excitement there.

People were a little confused about my costume. I got pretty sick of people practically singing, "Ohh, Amy is gonna GET IT in Rogerson's class... because she didn't dress up." So I went by Student Services and asked Laurie if they had any name tags. Then I wrote "ASHLEY" in big letters and stuck it on me. When my classmates asked me what that meant, I told them I came as my identical twin for Halloween. Most people laughed. Some people didn't get it. What's to get? I thought it was pretty funny. I loved it when Michele was passing around an assignment in Intellectual Property and said, "Here, Amy," and I *finally* got to say: "I'M NOT AMY, I'M ASHLEY!"

There were one or two people who didn't dress up, and you could easily spot them because they were trying to hide under the desks. Rogerson thought I was one of the costume-less losers, and he actually called on me. "Msssszzzz Morrighan....." I stood up and just looked at him. He made a comment about how I was not in costume, and I told him who I was. He had a big grin on his face, and for a second it looked like one of those grins that said, "Ahh ha! That explains everything! You are busted!" But instead, he said, "Nice to meet you, Ashley," followed by--what I thought was--a really stupid question. He said, "Are you and your sister identical?"

Well, duh. Do we look identical? I told him yes, but that there were some obvious differences. He then asked me, "Well, how can we tell who is Amy and who is Ashley?"

What a good question. Here, I have given him a nice big hint into what Amy and I are trying to do. You would think everyone would start paying attention, right?

I said, "I don't know. I guess you can't know for sure which one I am."

And the smart asses in the class were saying, "I know I could tell..." and "It would be obvious if her sister tried to come in here." To which Rogerson added: "Yes, I believe it would be fairly obvious if your sister tried to attend one of MY classes..."

Want to make a bet?

I wanted to say that, but I didn't. Ultimately, Rogerson let me sit down, and I didn't have to do a case or answer questions. A good thing, since I wasn't prepared at all. Now, the question remains, will they start wondering who I really am?

So, after my Halloween adventure today -- which was wonderful because I got to be myself pretending to be Amy, pretending to be ME -- I think every Halloween should be National Twin Switch Day where twins all over the US switch places for one day.

My apologies for the absence during the past week or so. Between being busy as heck (with my dissertation stuff and Tarkington's !@$# paper), having a loss of electricity from the storms, and my computer not working right (I'm guessing that drop-kicking it over the balcony onto the sand and a squished jellyfish probably didn't help?), it's been difficult to get the blog emails out. I apologize for leaving everyone hanging. I have a new rule. For any day I have to miss, you go buy yourself a nice twinkie!

Hostess should thank me...

Wilma

2005-10-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

Charlie just came over to the beach house to tell me they may need to board up the houses in the morning. Yes, it appears we are once again preparing to evacuate for a hurricane. I guess I should know the drill by now. I have already started packing Amy's breakables into the tupperwear bins and putting them in the closet. Of course, some of the stuff is still in there from last time. :o) It is just hard to believe another major hurricane is heading this direction.

If we end up bugging out (as Charlie calls it), I'll try to email Traci as soon as I can. In the event we stay to ride it out, I'll try to give you the play-by-play. If we have power.

(**Update: From Traci: I just heard from Ashley--They are going to stay put. Wilma is projected to miss them (hopefully), and they should be fine.)

Copyright Notes

2005-10-19T10:19:00.000-07:00

Guess where I am... I am coming to you live from Intellectual Property class! I decided to bring my laptop computer to type my notes on, so I can actually see them. Professor Matthews still has not learned how to work the recessed lighting, so we are basically sitting in the dark. She's at it again today with her overhead projector and transparencies. As I sit here, basking in the glow of my laptop, I can't help but ponder an ongoing issue... How can I get one of those swanky laptops that allows you to watch DVD's?

Professor Mathews is currently embarking on her laps around the room. It bugs the heck out of me when she looks over students' shoulders to see what they are doing on their laptops. We have the Constitutional right not to pay attention in class. I'm sure I read that somewhere. In any event, her parading around the room isn't going to dissuade us from venturing onto the Internet or playing FreeCell. In fact, I am doing both as we speak. I have a FreeCell game going, I'm writing this email to send over the wireless Internet, and I'm taking good notes. Anyone know what page we're on??

Right now, we are staring at an overhead transparency that has a wiggly line across it. Is it a snake? No. Is it a bored law student's doodle? No. Here's a hint: it is supposed to have something to do with copyright. Oh, it's a bike rack. We are studying a bike rack. I think I have seen that precise bike rack outside of the public library back home, where I live up north. Does that thing have copyright protection?

Turns out, it doesn't. But the "artist" who "designed" the wiggly sculpture/bike rack actually went to court to try and get the judge to say he had copyright protection in the bike rack. Poor guy lost. It all boiled down to distinguishing between functionality and artistic expression. Is there artistic expression separate and apart from the functionality? Nope. Sorry, dude. Oh, well, the important thing is, the attorney still got his fee. The title of the case is: Bandir International Inc. v. Cascade Pacific Lumber Co. Here's the cite so you can go look it up: 834 F.2d 1142 (2d Cir. 1987). Bandir is the "artist," and Cascade is the evil company that had the audacity to sell a similar product.

Ooops, here comes Professor Mathews...she's walking down my row...Nope. She stopped. Looking over some guy's shoulder down at the other end. She's looking up and talking about the overhead transparency. Now, here she comes again... she's walking... she's walking... Thank goodness for the "Alt+Tab" feature where I can flip out of this email back to my notes real quick. Here she comes... Will she stop to see where Michele is shopping online today or come straight for me? Be right back...

That was a close one. I hit Alt+Tab and almost landed on FreeCell about the time she walked up behind me. I guess it probably wouldn't do much good to flip out of email just to let her see me playing game number 2162 on FreeCell. Wasn't that exciting, though? Thrills a minute in Intellectual Property.

I'm in a good mood this morning because I got to meet with Professor Tarkington before this class. At what point do I get to start calling him "Mick"? He, thankfully, didn't comment on yesterday's Sex Day lecture or the fact I attended it with the other Tarkington Groupies. He looked really tired, but he had a cup of coffee and the newspaper to help wake him up as I was walking in his office. I am sure he hit the comics as soon as I left...

Tarkington told me about the "theme" (I guess you would call it) for his law review article. It's about juvenile justice and sentencing, including the death penalty for juveniles. While I am extremely interested in the profiles of juvenile offenders from a psych point of view, I'm not in favor of the death penalty for anyone, but especially kids. Unfortunately, Tarkington appears to support the death penalty. Even for minors. It's a good thing he's hot, or I'd have a real problem helping him with this law review article. For background reading, he gave me his working outline and two law review articles that were written on a similar topic. He said he would like my feedback, comments, questions, etc. when we meet again Friday morning. Hey, guess what! I get to meet with him again on Friday. I love this job.

Let's see where Mathews is now... She's up at the rows behind me. I still have to be careful because I don't want her to see my computer screen from up there. She needs to come back and change the overhead transparency. I think we all know what the bike rack looks like now.

I wanted to give you a taste of what Intellectual Property class is like. I guess I should have told you to bring your pillow. Mathews pretty much reads the text to us, so it's a good idea to bring something else to do. Of course, for me, since I am just catching up on the whole law school thing, I usually try to take good notes anyway. Even it they are repeating the textbook, it still helps me understand the material. That, and I actually think Intellectual Property is interesting.

Get It In Writing

2005-10-18T21:14:00.000-07:00

Mark your calendars because you are going to want to remember this day... This is the day I actually had fun at law school! Yes, it's true. Actual fun and laughter. The day started out like any other Tuesday, with Professor Tarkington showing up at 9:30 on the dot for Criminal Procedure. He led a very earth-shattering discussion on the Sixth Amendment, in which I thankfully did not have to partake. As for our friend Becca Rutherford, former RA and alleged girlfriend of Tarkington, whatever happened to make her act so crazy has obviously been resolved. She's coming to class on time, bringing her book and stuff to take notes with, and she occasionally even volunteers answers. Raising her hand and everything.

After class, I went up to the podium with the other students who wanted to fight for Tarkington's individualized attention. As much as I wanted to drop to my knees and profess my undying devotion for getting me out of Rogerson's excuse for a Law Clinic, I decided to go with the more conservative approach and just say "thank you." He said, "no problem," and suggested that I stop by his office before my first class in the morning to discuss his law review article. Great, see ya then, bye. Can you believe how casual we are with each other?

Vickie and Beth, Amy's friends who are in the other 2L Section, asked me to meet them after class. I was thinking along the lines of lunch...maybe shopping... But no, the girls were up to something else. I have to wonder how much of this type of thing Amy participated in. Beth and Vickie were already giggling like little kids, which should have been my first clue not to go with them. Vickie looped her arm around mine, and they led me downstairs to one of the big First Year classrooms. It has stadium seating like our classes, but it includes a lot more rows.

Vickie, Beth, and I walked up the steps toward the Cheap Seats. We did sit in the center of the room, so whoever or whatever was about to go down at the podium was in clear view. Within the next five or ten minutes, other upperlevel students--mostly females--filled in the seats towards the back of the room. Apparently, the First Year students were sitting in the lower seats. With the overflow of upperlevel students, it was almost standing-room only. I finally asked Vickie what was going on. She said, "It's Sex Day."

Sex Day? Oh, good. Sex Day. Can't have enough of those in law school...

I was just about to ask what she was talking about when the door opened and in walked Professor Tarkington. I had a really bad feeling about the whole thing, but I knew I did not dare get up and leave since it is Death-By-Firing-Squad to walk out while Tarkington is speaking. Plus, with all the people, it was doubtful I would make it out without causing a commotion.

Professor Tarkington looked up at all of us and smiled. He said, "It appears we have guests today," to which everyone responded with laughter. He then said we could stay as long as we were quiet. It was at that moment that I realized we were sitting in Tarkington's First Year Criminal Law class. I can only imagine what the First Year students must have thought with so many people just showing up who weren't even registered for the class. It still wasn't quite clear to me what the connection was to Sex Day, but Professor Tarkington soon explained. He gave us an overview of his background as a prosecutor for sex crime cases. Every semester in his Criminal Law class, when they get to the Rape and Consent chapters, he includes a lecture on sex crimes as part of the usual class discussion.

No wonder Beth and Vickie were laughing. They knew we were about to witness Professor Tarkington spend an hour and twenty minutes talking about sex. I regretted that we were smack-dab center of the classroom, and I wondered how he would feel about his future Research Assistant engaging in such juvenile, purient conduct. Then, again, I wasn't THAT worried... It was too late to really do anything about it anyway, and I admit I was already laughing along with the rest of them. Obviously, I am not the only one who thinks Professor Tarkington is good looking... As Tarkington got started, he took off his jacket--I guess it was hot in there with all the people--and the girls around me were actually making "yummy" noises.

Tarkington spoke in greater detail about his career as a prosecutor and how it can be difficult to win rape cases because of something called the "Reasonable Rapist Standard." The jury looks at the situation from the rapist's point of view to determine if he had consent or not. Tarkington explained that if there's evidence, like the rapist caused physical harm to the victim, then that plays into the guilty verdict. Well, sometimes it does. Tarkington then asked the question: "Is it possible to have bruising and other injury during consensual sex?" The girl sitting two seats down from me said, really loudly, "OOH YEAH!"

And that is where the laughter began and did not end. Tarkington started talking about how "no means no," and all the sudden it was like I had joined the Law School Gospel Church, with all the women around me saying "Yes!" and "Amen!" after his comments. Professor Tarkington handled the sex topics very professionally, I must say. He also handled the upperlevel students' comments pretty well, and I wonder how much of them he could actually hear down at the podium.

Professor Tarkington made it really clear as the lecture went on that men and women both have to be careful what they do. I admired him for stressing the role of consent and that "no means no." He said when it came right down to it, it might be a good idea to "get it in writing." Can you imagine that contract?

After the class was over, Vickie and Beth talked me into going down to the podium to pile in with the other Tarkington Groupies who wanted to ask him questions. The girls were asking him all kinds of things involving the consent issue, like how does the law view consent with S&M, or "BDSM" as Tarkington called it. We were all impressed by the extent of his knowledge. At one point, I asked him if these kind of conversations embarrass him. He said no, that nothing embarrasses him.

Of course, we all took that as a challenge.

Some of the questions embarrassed me. There was one girl, a first year student, who was trying to give a scenario as a foundation for her question. She started with, "Okay, Professor Tarkington, say you raped me..." While Tarkington did an excellent job in answering the question and keeping it professional, I thought it wasn't a good idea to let the student include him as a participant in that particular hypothetical. The girls standing around listening all loved it, of course. I think that was the only time during the Sex Day discussion that I felt he didn't handle something as carefully as he could have. And even then, he still was 100% professional.

All this time, I have been given the impression that the first year of law school is total hell. After watching the First Year students today in class, it doesn't seem any different than what students go through in the second year. Minus the sex of course. For an instant, I actually thought about what it might be like for me to start over and go to law school... I wonder if I could do it and be a success at it?

Happy Dance

2005-10-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

Tremendous relief! Joy! Happiness! Peace on Earth! Goodwill towards men!

Michael "Mick" Tarkington is my hero. I loooove that man! He has rescued me from spending 19 hours per week in the depths of Rogerson's torturous dungeon of Law Clinic hell. Now, I only have to work "four or five" hours (and you can bet your socks it will be 3 hours and 59 minutes!) per week. I am so thrilled! Drinks all around!

Intellectual Property this morning was the usual. Sitting in the dark. Overhead projector. Powerpoint documents made into overheads. Professor Mathews going over each bullet point. One--- by--- one, slo--ow--ly.

Business Associations wasn't much better, but at least Professor Rogerson doesn't use overheads. Randall, the Highlighter Guy, is like a new man. Ever since he survived being called on by Rogerson on Friday, he now can't stop talking. He answers every question Rogerson asks anyone. Out loud. I think we have created a monster. The funniest part is that he is usually wrong. So, when the poor student Rogerson has called on, who is standing there in mortal fear as he tries to come up with an answer, then hears Randall's wrong answer, he repeats it to Rogerson. It's not pretty.

After Business Associations, I was walking out with the crowd when I heard someone calling for me. It was Professor Rogerson up at the podium, surrounded by suck-ups who wanted to impress him with their rehearsed suck-up questions. You almost could hear the "Jaws Theme" as I made my way up to the podium; I just knew he was going to kill me in front of everyone. Rogerson sort of smiled, which is never a good sign. He has a decent smile and cool laugh, but if you encounter either of them while face to face with him, it means he is laughing AT you. You have done something he considers stupid, and he is going to humiliate you.

When Rogerson finally spoke, he shocked the heck out of me. He said something along the lines of "Ms. Morrighan, I hear you would prefer not to work 19 hours a week in Law Clinic..." Like he's never heard such a thing before in his life. I sort of nodded, I think. He said, in a really creepy tone laced with kindness, "Well, all you had to do was tell me. If you want to work just four or five hours a week, of course that's fine with me. Just go by and give your schedule you want to work to my secretary. You've been doing such a good job in Law Clinic that it's a shame not to have you 19 hours, but we certainly understand if you NEED to cut your hours back. Next time, just come to me, all right?"

I thought I was going to throw up on his shoes. He thinks I'm doing a good job? Since when? All I had to do was tell him? How many times did I tell him? A million? And the part about if I "NEED" to cut my hours back... If I didn't know better, I would think it was meant to convey a tone of "okay, but if you do this, you will be sorry." I spit out my reply real fast, "Allrightthankyou," like it was all one word. Then I got out of there as quickly as possible. I went straight to his secretary's office, had to track her down in the breakroom, and told her I wanted to work two hours today and two hours on Wednesday and that's it. And, I'll let her know about next week's schedule before Friday.

Thankfully, Rogerson didn't come down to the Law Clinic while I was there today. Kevin and I headed back to the law library again to research cases on negligence. Then, I basically left everything with Kevin, told him I'd see him on Wednesday, and wished him luck. He told me Rogerson sent a memo to Rachel letting everyone know a new student will start tomorrow. I sure hope that new student knows what they are doing.

Free! I'm free!

Now all I have to do is figure out how to handle Tarkington...

Thinking Like a Lawyer?

2005-10-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is me... Thinking like a lawyer. I'm trying to be logical about my current circumstances. I keep coming up with the same answer every time. Amy has to stop dating Robert. He is going to be furious when he finds out the person he thinks is "Ashley" is really Amy. And, you can't really blame him if he loses it and gets us all in trouble for the twin switch. As far as me working for Professor Tarkington, which is Amy's major concern, I really need him to get me out of the 19 hours a week in Law Clinic. I am absolutely desperate. Why can't I just play this out to where Tarkington gets my hours with Rogerson in Law Clinic cut back to four or five hours per week. Then, after a few days of me working with Tarkington, I'll figure out a way to tell him it isn't going to work with me being his Research Assistant. If I can play my cards right, I can get the hours cut back in Law Clinic and get out of working for Tarkington, too.

Hey, it's the lawyerly thing to do.

On top of this problem with Rogerson, Tarkington, and Amy with Robert, I am still having a difficult time understanding the dynamics of the wrongful-home-tearing-down-case. I read page after page of the Torts Hornbook, and even though it is written in English, it is still hard to follow. I'm literally having to take what I find in the Torts Hornbook, and then look that up in the Black's Law Dictionary, and then, half the time, I'm having to take the Black's Law Dictionary definition and look up those terms in the Webster's Dictionary.

Based on my vast legal experience (watching Judging Amy and The Practice), I am guessing that what happened when Jesse bulldozed the wrong house was negligence. So, then I read about negligence in the Hornbook. Turns out there are elements that have to be met. Boring elements. Elements that seem to have a world of their own that has to be explored before you can even consider if they match up with Jesse and his bulldozer. Here are the elements that are required for you to have negligence:

Duty
Breach of that duty
Causation - including "proximate cause" and "cause in fact"
Damages

And then there's "comparative neligence" and "contributory negligence"... What do you say we just skip those pages and act like we never saw them, shall we?

I don't know who had a duty to whom. Does "duty" mean like the everyday stuff we have with people? Like, do I have a duty not to run you over with my car? And, if I accidently run you over, does that mean I breached that duty? Or does there have to be a relationsihp or contract for there to be a duty? You know, I bet Booger can probably show you what duty is...

I just keep thinking that now would be a good time to call a lawyer. I am not getting all this stuff, much less how to apply it. I've decided to heck with the Torts Hornbook and the Black's Law Dictionary. I am going back to my old resources. According to my long-time legal counsel named Jeeves, negligence is "failure to act with the prudence that a reasonable person would exercise under the same circumstances." Okay, great. Very helpful. Now I understand the negligence elements perfectly. Not.

I am giving up. I have to get out of those Law Clinic hours pronto because, I'm guessing, Rogerson will not appreciate it if I turn in research for Jesse's case that cites Ask Jeeves as my primary source.

I have other homework to do besides researching Jesse's case. I started preparing for Intellectual Property and Business Associations earlier today, but I became distracted when I saw the cement truck pull up next door. Now, you've got to remember that even the roads leading up to these beach houses are not paved. I don't even have cement under this beach house on which to park the jeep. So, seeing a cement truck drive up to Charlie's house meant something serious was going to happen that outweighed the importance of preparing for any law class.

Charlie and Ricky installed a basketball court today on the far side of their house, away from the beach. It's not a great big court, but one thing is for sure; it is big enough to where the basketball will end up in the canal that runs by it. Ricky said they will use the fishing net poles to fish the balls out of the canal, if that happens. With a dozen kids at Charlie's and in the neighborhood, I can guarantee the ball is going to spend a great deal of time in that canal. Of course, I'll probably contribute, too.

Charle told us at dinner tonight that he's going to have to work longer hours from now on because their fishing boats are having to go farther out. I guess the pollution from the hurricanes has made it hard to find good fish around here. Charlie asked all of us (neighbors) if we would kind of keep an eye on things. Rose, Charlie's daughter, is supposed to be around, and Ricky will help out as well. I told Charlie that anytime the jeep is here, I'm here if they need me. Famous last words.

I haven't seen Rose around in awhile, so I asked Charlie tonight where she has been hiding lately. Dianne (who everyone is supposed to call Dee Dee, yet everyone still calls Dianne) told me that Rose is out with "Number Five" today. Number five? When I asked, Charlie explained that Rose was out with her fifth husband, who is also the father of the youngest of the kids, the four-year-old darling running around who I call "Munchkin." I have no idea what her real name is. Of course, I had to ask, "So, Rose has been married five times?" Dianne became quite animated, and the other neighbors laughed. It was one of those moments where everyone at once says, "Oh, you've GOT to hear this story..."

No, Rose has not been married five times. She has been married SEVEN times. But, as Charlie pointed out, she was married twice to the same guy, so that doesn't really count. Does it? If they were legally married, then legally divorced, then legally married again, I think that counts. Married seven times, and she's only in her early forties. Dianne was quick to add that Rose has dated and married every single man over the age of 21 in this entire area. Quite impressive, I must say. The funny thing is, you'd never know it from meeting Rose that she was the type to even date that much. She's a lovely lady, but... seven husbands? I really can't see her married once, much less that many times. Lou jumped in to explain that Rose is a very good cook. Yeah, that must be it.

Charlie and his family never cease to amaze me. I don't know where I would be without their comic relief.

New Friends

2005-10-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

Today, I was introduced to three really great guys, and I have decided to spend the rest of the weekend with them. Their names are William Prosser, Robert Keeton, and Dan Dobbs. Are they totally hot guys I met somewhere, like on the beach perhaps? Nope. Even better. These kind, wonderful gentlemen are actually the contributing authors of the Torts Hornbook--my new best friend.

And what, pray tell, is a Torts Hornbook? The Torts Hornbook supposedly holds the answers to my wrongful-bulldozing problems. Or, at least, will get me started in the right direction, instead of spinning in all directions. I'm so excited because it is actually written in English instead of legalese. Amy told me about it this afternoon when I FINALLY was able to get a hold of her. We usually exchange emails or talk everyday, but ever since she met *Robert* she has been impossible to reach. I'm guessing she doesn't want me to know what is going on. When I mentioned to Amy about the case in Law Clinic where Jesse bulldozed the wrong beach house, after she stopped laughing, she told me she had a copy of the Torts Hornbook. Apparently, it is like a Study Aid that students are allowed, if not encouraged, to have. I don't know why they call it a "Hornbook" and, up until a few minutes ago, I wasn't sure what a "Tort" was. Turns out it is not a turtle after all. It's a "civil law." An example would be when someone bulldozes the wrong house.

The most interesting thing about the Torts Hornbook was finding it. Amy claimed she had one, but she said she had not seen it since she took the Torts course the first semester last year. It's a green book, and it's about THIS thick. Just when I had pretty much given up on ever finding the blasted thing, I ran into it by accident. Over at Charlie's. One of the little kids was using it to sit on, instead of a booster seat. I have probably seen it a million times and just never realized what it was. I brought it back upstairs, and I am surprised it is in pretty good shape, although it does appear someone has been using it to kill spiders...

While I was talking to Amy this afternoon, I ran out of patience about the Robert thing. She is still seeing him and won't listen when I tell her how unfair it is to that guy to let him think he is dating ME when it is really her. I also let her have it about Rogerson. I have been going nuts trying to find out what happened last year, and so, I pretty much demanded that she tell me. She actually laughed at me. She said that she called me several times last January and February to ask for MY help with Rogerson. I vaguely remember talking to her about the problems with law school. In my own defense, there was a lot going on in my own life with grad school classes. I also had no idea how serious things were. In any event, Amy told me that, back then, my advice to her had been to "get used to it," because that is how law school is. Apparently, I gave her the same speech I recently gave Randall, the Highlighter Guy. I told her to keep going until something, besides herself and her own fears, stopped her.

So, you can pretty much guess what Amy told me... To keep going until something stops me. She said it was for the good of the twin switch as well, and I guess she is right. The whole point is to see how long we can go before we get caught. I just hate that it feels as if the plane is going to crash any second. Amy made another point, and that was to remind me that the twin switch has nothing to do with Rogerson or Law Clinic or Jesse and his poor bulldozing skills. She is actually one hundred percent right. None of this is important in the long run. All I have to do is get through it.

Amy's reaction when I told her about Tarkington was not exactly as calm. In fact, she basically had a complete fit when I told her that Tarkington had offered me a Research Assistant position. Something about how legal writing is different... How legal citations are different... How even from the legal writing class to writing law reviews the styles of writing and citations are different... She basically lost me. It didn't help her temper much when I told Amy about Tarkington's comment to "Stay off the radar" and how I have said that exact phrase many times on my blog.

After talking to Amy, now I am even more convinced we are inches away from being busted. She was emphatic that I not work for Tarkington, not even ONE day. It will not only insure we are discovered in the twin switch, but also it will, according to Amy, cause irreversible harm. She was really really pissed at me. Kind of like the way I feel about her dating Robert... I decided to give her an ultimatum. I told her I am going to work for Tarkington unless she stops seeing Robert immediately. And her reaction? She hung up on me!

By the way, anyone who thinks that twins never fight is completely mistaken.

I probably need to go because there's Booger, barking and getting his slimy nose all over the glass door, and he brought his new buddy, Chewy, with him. I first met Chewy this morning, when Booger was in that same spot, barking to be let in. I couldn't help but notice there was this little, ragged, black and tan Chihuahua with Booger, and I thought how sweet that Booger has found a new friend. I opened the sliding glass door and said: "Well, hey there, little buddy," and the little sucker tried to bite my arm off. I say "tried" because the dog only has two teeth: one on top and one on bottom.

Not unsurprising for early on a Saturday morning, there was a lot of noise coming from the direction of Charlie's house. I looked out through the dead mosquito bodies on the floor-to-ceiling windows and noticed there was something huge set up between Charlie's house and the beach. It was one of those top-of-the-line motorhomes like rockstars use. Booger obviously had more friends that he hadn't introduced me to yet.

Booger and I took the little monster-wanna-be over to Charlie's, where a group of people was sitting outside at the picnic tables and on lawn chairs. It turns out that the motorhome belongs to Charlie's brother, Lou, and his wife Dianne (but everybody calls her "Dee Dee"). And they brought their seven dogs with them. Like we didn't have enough dogs here already... The little fella who came to my door this morning is fifteen years old, and his name, ironically, is Chewy. He can't seem to get along with anyone except for Dee Dee. Oh, and Booger. But, that's a given, since everybody gets along with Booger.

I probably need to go take Chewy back over to Charlie's before they start looking for him.

Blindfolds

2005-10-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

Now I know the real reason why the Lady of Justice is wearing a blindfold. You know who the Lady of Justice is… She's like the official Barbie of the legal world: the statue of the robed woman who is holding up scales in one hand and has a sword in the other, and she’s wearing a blindfold. Anyway, I know what the blindfold is supposed to mean. It’s a metaphor. It represents all the lost law students and lawyers everywhere. Researching the law is like fumbling around in the dark or wearing a blindfold. You will only find what you are looking for if you are lucky enough to stumble across it or bump into it.
.
And, another thing, have you ever noticed how much the Lady of Justice looks like Susan Sarandon? Humm...What do you think that means?

You have no idea how happy I am that this long day is over. I added a new activity today to the list stuff I have to do, and it wasn’t intentional. I went by to meet with Tarkington before Intellectual Property class. What a weird feeling to see him in his office. His door was open, and I just kind of stuck my head in. He was reading the comics in today’s paper but looked up when he saw me. He asked me to have a seat. The furniture in his office is early-swapmeet. Certainly not what you would expect from Mr. Perfectionist Tarkington. Then again, I never would have imagined him reading the comics either.

I swore I would not let his attractiveness get to me... Not even notice... Picture him being just any old guy. Only problem was, the light from the window made his green eyes even more vivid. And his blond hair was kind of messed up, like he had bed-head or something. These are the thoughts that went through my mind as I sat there waiting to hear why he wanted to meet with me. My only real concern was that when I start thinking along these lines is when professionalism flies right out the window, and I’m likely to say something silly.

He started off by saying, “Amy, thanks for meeting me…” I thought, oh no, he used my first name again (or, rather, Amy’s first name). My mind immediately shifted to how much I was going to miss his green eyes if I was busted for not being Amy. That is how powerful those eyes are. If only he could use them for good, instead of evil…

Professor Tarkington told me he was impressed with how my performance in his Criminal Procedure class has improved. I wanted to laugh. Um, how, exactly, has it improved? He hasn’t even called on me since the last time I crashed and burned on a case. He said he heard I’d made the highest grade in Criminal Law last year--a point that I actually made to him earlier in the semester--and he wanted to know if I had an interest in practicing criminal law after graduation. I told him I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do yet. Little did he know that surviving the meeting was really the only goal I had at the moment.

Finally getting to the punch line, Tarkington asked me if I would be interested in working with him on a law review article as his Research Assistant. My first reaction was to think it was a trick…like he’s suspicious that I’m not really Amy so he wants to see how I’ll do on a written assignment. But then he continued. He told me I came “highly recommended” by his previous RA, who, of course, we know as Becca Rutherford. She really did put in a good word for me; what do you know? But there was no way I could be Tarktington’s RA, for several reasons.

First, there’s the fact I’m not really Amy.

Second, there’s the fact I don’t know anything about law reviews, legal research, legal writing, or legal citations. And given that I couldn’t learn Spanish overnight, I’m guessing I can’t learn all that legal writing stuff overnight either.

Third, there’s the Brad Pitt-Brain problem, where I really cannot perform at my best for someone like Tarkington. In any other environment, he's the type of guy where when you’re around him your clothes seem to fall off for some reason. Definitely not the type of person to have a “professional” relationship with on a one-to-one basis. Then again, I wonder if the RA position comes with the same fringe benefits that the last RA received? (cough cough)

I thanked Professor Tarkington for considering me, and I told him I couldn’t work for him, unfortunately, because I have to work 19 hours per week in the [damn] law clinic. He seemed surprised that I was working so many hours in law clinic, and he asked me if that was my choice or someone else’s. I explained that Professor Rogerson said I have to work those many hours in order to get the credit for the semester. For some reason, Tarkington found that amusing. He asked me some more questions about Law Clinic, like if I liked the work, and do I really want to be there. I was honest with him—without being TOO honest with him, if you know what I mean.

I noticed that Tarkington is more laid back outside of class. He still has that stodgy, professional edge to him, but not as much as inside the classroom. He asked me if I would like to work only four or five hours in Law Clinic and then work about five to ten hours a week for him. I was like, dude, to get me out of Law Clinic I would do just about anything… But then there’s the whole I-don’t-know-squat-about-legal-writing issue. In the few seconds I had to think about it, I decided to see what Tarkington could accomplish with Rogerson. I have been so desperate to get out of those hours in Law Clinic. My final answer was to say I liked his suggestion, but I wasn’t sure if Rogerson would go for it. Tarkington then freaked me out with his next statement. He said:

“I’ll take care of Professor Rogerson. In the meantime, you just need to STAY OFF THE RADAR.”

I think my heart completely stopped. “Stay off the radar”? As in... the many times I have said, “Stay off the radar” in this blog? Coincidence? Or am I really busted because he knows I am writing this? Okay… maybe he’s reading this blog, but he doesn’t realize I am the one writing it. No, that’s not possible, considering I am listing today’s events. Is there any chance in the world that “Stay off the radar” is the catch phrase for the new millennium, and everyone is saying it? I thanked Tarkington again, and he said he would let me know. I don’t know how I made it out of his office since I couldn’t feel my legs, but somehow I ended up in the Intellectual Property classroom.

As if that whole situation wasn’t bizarre enough, later this afternoon, Rogerson spoke to me about the wrongful-bulldozing case. I barely walked into the Law Clinic when he called me into one of the interview rooms. At first, I thought he was going to talk to me about Tarkington’s idea. But, then he started in about Jesse, our new client who tore down the wrong house. He started asking me questions about where the other documents were, where the insurance information was, and where was the caselaw to support our position. I basically replied: “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

About that time, Kevin came in, and the receptionist actually showed up to answer phones. It was just in time to witness Rogerson rip me to shreds. He said the usual “You will never make it as a lawyer, blah blah blah” along with some new insults I had not heard before. How was I to know I was supposed to get the paperwork that had been signed between Jesse and Mr. Van Voorhis? How was I to know I needed to get the directions that Van Vorrhis gave Martin… And the names of the different insurance companies for the house that was bulldozed and for Jesse’s company? It made perfect sense when Rogerson brought it up, but it never dawned on me yesterday. And, hey, why didn’t he yell at Kevin, too?

I finally had enough of his humiliating me. There was no reason to yell since we both were in that small interview room. I hate that I felt like I was going to cry right then and there. The only other option besides crying was to rip Rogerson’s head off, and I wasn’t sure how well that would work out for Amy. I ended up mumbling, unintentionally out loud, “Fire me, then.”

Okay, I know it was breaking one of Amy’s cardinal rules about not talking back when a professor is yelling at you. It was dumb, but I did it anyway. Rogerson was pretty shocked, too, which was funny. He said, “What?” And made the word “What” a three syllable word. I repeated that he should fire me, since I’m such a screw up. He told me to shut the door to the interview room. Yikes. That kind of scared the crap out of me. I did what he said, since there was a desk between us, but I didn’t like it.

Rogerson started in again with: “That kind of attitude is going to get you in big trouble down the road.” Okay, yeah, sure, whatever you say. It felt like all the sudden I was back in the principal’s office in eighth grade, and I was getting yelled at for toilet-papering the school with Amy and some other girls. The same type of generic lecture. I calmly made the comment that since he fired Richard for a lot less, why didn’t he fire me for this. The wacky-weirdo Rogerson replied, “You know why.” I told him no, I didn’t know. He laughed in my face in that laugh of his that has a tone that says, “You’re an idiot and have no reason to live.” When he finally stopped laughing he looked me dead in the eye and said, “Look in the mirror.”

Look in the mirror?

Like, what the hell? Is that a twin reference? Some twins are called “mirror-twins” because they are alike except one is right-handed and one is left-handed. Is that what he meant? Feeling totally creeped out and worried I was busted, I shook my head and opened the door to the interview room again. I asked Rogerson if he wanted Kevin and me to contact the clients for the information and then research more info in the law library. He was laughing again as he told me yes, and I walked out of the room to the lobby where I spoke to Kevin.

I’m confused and angry about this whole thing. I’m having one of those days where I think it might be time for Amy and me to switch back. If Tarkington is reading this blog, Amy and I are both in trouble.

I Hate It When That Happens

2005-10-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

As is so often the case with law school, I thought this day would never end, but I'm not looking forward to tomorrow either. After Professor Tarkington's Criminal Procedure class this morning, I was walking out with the crowd when I heard someone yelling. Tarkington was calling me from his spot up at the podium, where students waiting to impress him with their canned questions surrounded him. Only he didn't say, "Ms. Morrighan, can I speak with you?" He said, "AMY, can I speak with you?" I think it's a bad sign when a law professor uses your first name (or, as in my case, the name of the twin sister I am impersonating). It always sounds serious, like someone has died or something. I walked up to the podium, and he asked me if I could stop by his office tomorrow morning before my first class because he has something he would like to discuss with me.

Oh great. What have I done now? Maybe he wants to talk to me about my "drinking problem," or maybe it's a drug problem this time. Or, he could know about the twin-switch, but I doubt it because I think they would confront me immediately, not let me pass Go, not let me collect $200.00. It probably has something to do with Becca. Who knows what she said to him after we had our little talk. Hey, maybe she put in a good word for me, and now the professor who humiliated me in class for being so stupid now wants to hire me as his Research Assistant!

After hearing that Tarkington wants to have a meeting, I wasn't exactly in the mood to go deal with Rogerson and work in the Law Clinic. It was even harder knowing that we didn't have Richard there running the show. It turns out that I didn't have much time to worry about Tarkington or miss Richard after all because there was a new client sitting in our small law clinic lobby when I walked in. And of course, no one else was there except for me. I greeted the gentleman and his teenage son, and I asked them if they were being assisted by someone already. The boy told me no. I didn't know what else to do besides have them to wait a few minutes more. I went into one of the interview rooms and tried calling Professor Rogerson. No answer. I heard another voice in the lobby, and, I never thought I would say this but, I was hoping it was Rogerson. It wasn't him; it was Kevin, our newest addition to the Law Clinic inexperienced team.

We ended up taking the man and his son into the conference room. Kevin and I assumed the position by getting our little yellow legal pads and pens ready. I introduced us to the man and his son and asked how we could help them. The man started explaining his situation. In Spanish. I wanted to croak, because neither Kevin nor I speak a word of Spanish (except for "Where is the bathroom?" and I think Kevin can successfully ask for another beer). Thankfully, the boy spoke English, and he introduced himself and his dad. Jesse (not his real name, of course) does construction work and his 15-year-old son, Martin, helps him after school and on weekends.

Recently, Jesse was hired by Mr. Van Voorhis (also not his real name) to help with some property that Mr. Van Voorhis wanted to redevelop. Mr. Van Voorhis apparently owns a beach cabin along the coast, not far from where I live at Amy's house, and he wanted to tear down the cabin so he could build a new, bigger beach house. The existing cabin was dilapidated, and with the recent storms it had become necessary to tear it down anyway.

Martin explained that he was the one who took the call from Mr. Van Voorhis. He immediately got his dad and then translated Mr. Van Voorhis's questions for him. Jesse gave Van Voorhis a very reasonable bid on the construction project and the demolition of the beach cabin, and by the end of the day, Mr. Van Voorhis went by the office to sign the paperwork. So far, so good. However, after the initial demolition work was completed, Mr. Van Voorhis came back to the office and refused to pay Jesse for the job.

At this point during the client interview with Jesse and Martin, I could tell something serious had happened. Martin was beginning to speak louder and louder. I got the feeling someone must have gotten hurt during the demolition or, even worse, like a wrongful death or something. Turns out I was wrong.

Martin swears he took down the directions correctly.

Jesse swears he followed the directions exactly.

But yet, somehow, Jesse ended up bulldozing the wrong beach house.

Kevin started laughing and said "Ooops!" really loud, so I kicked him under the table. How do you bulldoze the wrong beach house? Down where we live on the coast, it probably isn't that difficult. The beach houses are not numbered very well, if at all, because new houses are built and torn down all the time. All of the houses look weathered and at different levels of dilapidation because of the salt air and bad storms we have had this season. The owners also paint the houses often, which means even when you are given directions that include, "turn left at the green house, and it's the yellow house on the right" you cannot be absolutely sure you will arrive at the correct house. When I first came down here, even I wouldn't have been able to find Amy's house based on her directions, if it wasn't for the fact I recognized her jeep.

Martin continued with the details, and Kevin was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. Real professional. Although, I have to admit, I was having a difficult time keeping from laughing, too. I finally told Kevin to go get something to drink, and bring something back for our guests. Obviously embarrassed, Martin told me that his dad does not have much money and really can't afford a lawyer. I assured Martin that we would try to see if there was anything we could do to help. Meanwhile, in the back of my mind I was thinking, "Boy, did they come to the wrong place for help."

When Kevin came back with water for everyone, Martin continued explaining about Mr. Van Voorhis's reaction when he found out Jesse had torn down the wrong house. Mr. Van Voorhis went storming into Jesse's business office and demanded that Jesse "take care" of the problem. Apparently, the owner of the beach house that Jesse bulldozed is now claiming that he had expensive "antiques" and other valuables in that house, and those items are now also destroyed. I looked over at Jesse, who seemed like he was becoming agitated. Martin told us that there was no way antiques were in the beach house that was torn down. He claims it was a run-down shack on stilts, and no body actually lived in it.

In any event, Mr. Van Voorhis is trying to place all of the blame on Jesse, and the bulldozed-beach house owner has already hired an attorney who has contacted Jesse. Now would be a good time for a real attorney to intervene and help Jesse. The problem is, I don't know of any.

I excused myself from the conference room and went to try and call Professor Rogerson again. Thankfully, he answered his extension and, when he heard my voice, asked me what the hell I wanted. Careful to keep my voice in a professional tone, I explained to Rogerson that we had a new client in the Law Clinic and needed him to come down immediately. Rogerson said he was busy. He wanted me to tell him the details over the phone, and then HE would decide if it was necessary for him to come down. Why everything has to be a power struggle with Rogerson is beyond me. What a shame he has to take his animosity towards me out on clients who need his help. I suggested that perhaps I should just have the clients go elsewhere, and Rogerson said no, to just give him the Reader's Digest Version of what happened.

I gave Rogerson the details, and he, too, started laughing. I asked him what I should tell Jesse to do. Rogerson said, "Tell him to get out his checkbook." Great. It sounded to me like Rogerson wasn't even going to try to get to the real cause of the accident or attempt to advise Jesse. When I explained that Jesse didn't have money and that the opposing side had already retained legal counsel, Rogerson paused. He then said we would research the matter and get back with Jesse and Martin and told me to be sure to get the contact information for everyone involved. It was the only time I have ever heard Rogerson sound anything like a real attorney.

Kevin and I had Martin fill out the intake forms, and we took down the contact information for everyone. When I told Jesse and Martin we would be in touch after we looked into the matter, they seemed greatly relieved. I called Rogerson again after the clients had gone, and I asked him what we should do now. He laughed at me like I was an idiot for asking and said, "You're law students. Go research it."

So, Kevin and I went to the law library where we ran into Richard, the 3L Rogerson just fired from the Law Clinic. We couldn't give him much detail about the case because of the whole confidentiality rule, but he was still able to help us on our treasure hunt for information about wrongful-bulldozing. We didn't find much, but we'll try again tomorrow. At this point, I can't help but wonder if I can call another law practice and see if they can give me the law for this?

The End of Highlighter Guy

2005-10-12T21:02:00.000-07:00

I passed a major milestone today in Intellectual Property. I prepared the cases on my own, without the help of Study Aids, and I actually briefed one of the cases correctly. I know it sounds like nothing, but to me, I am so tickled. One small step for Ashley, one giant step for twins who have switched places. Amazing, isn't it, how much you really like a subject once it finally clicks, and you know what is going on. And it only took....How many days?

One compelling mystery from law school has finally been solved. Highlighter Guy got called on today in Professor Rogerson's class, so I now know his real name.

MR. SEATON

Mr. Randall Seaton. I got his first name off of his class notes he dropped when Rogerson called on him. To me, he really doesn't look like a "Randall." He looks like a Hightlighter Guy, but besides that, I think he looks more like a Jimmy or a Bobby. Something with an "ee" at the end of it because he's kind of a good ol' boy. I asked him if he ever went by "Randy," which would fill the "ee" requirement, but he said no. It's Randall. Randall Highlighter Guy Seaton.

I was actually proud of Randall when Rogerson called on him. It took a few minutes for him to gather his thoughts--and his papers--but he finally stood up and faced Rogerson. He didn't even sweat buckets like he usually does just thinking about the possibility of being called on. Professor Rogerson gave him a few "guess the entity" type of questions, including ones where Randall had to distinguish beteen a "C" Corporation and an "S" Corporation. I thought Randall did just fine. It's too bad that Professor Rogerson doesn't share my opinion. When Randall hesitated on the question regarding the number of shareholders for an "S" corp., Rogerson told him to "sit down and shut up." Nice.

Professor Rogerson finally returned our Bylaws drafting exercises back to us. I felt nervous about the timing of the Bylaws and the fact Richard was just terminated from Law Clinic...Surely my Bylaws involving the unauthorized practice of law in Law Clinics didn't negatively reflect on Richard? When my paper was finally passed down the row to me, I was relieved to see Rogerson's comments. Under a big red checkmark were the words: "Unrealistic project. Law clinic programs are already closely regulated by the law schools and the state Bar Associations." So, I guess Rogerson didn't think it had any merit, meaning it wouldn't have impacted Richard's job. I hope.

It is a teeny-tiny bit of a surprise that Rogerson is such an egomaniac that he didn't even see the connection between the Bylaws and the working conditions for me in the Property Law Clinic. Especially the element in the Bylaws where I talked about a law student being able to complain to a lawyer about unfair working hours. Like, HELLO! Oh well, I tried to use humor to help get me out of a bad situation. When calmness, anger, and humor don't work, what else is there?

There was another mystery solved today, sort of, when I finally ran into Richard in the library after Intellectual Property. I asked him what happened with Law Clinic and why he is not working there anymore. I put it in a positive way, saying something along the lines of "How did you get so lucky?" Richard told me he was glad to be out of there because there is a policy where you can't quit Law Clinic during the semester. If you do quit, you get an "F" on your transcript (it's usually considered a pass-fail class and everyone passes). The school has to have this consequence so they can be sure no clients are left high and dry without legal counsel in the middle of their cases. Richard said he doesn't know why Rogerson fired him. Apparently, Rogerson left a note in Richard's school mailbox that said "You need to come by my office and justify your existance in the Law Clinic." Justify his existance? How about the fact he has been the only one spending any decent amount of time working there, who actually knows what the hell he's doing?

Richard told me he went by Rogerson's office yesterday afternoon and that Rogerson didn't even extend the courtesy of letting him sit down. When Richard asked what was going on, Professor Rogerson told him, "I'm dropping you from the Property Law Clinic. You're fired as of today." Rogerson then started to shut the door to his office on him. Richard said he was shocked to hear he was fired, especially since he thought he had been doing a pretty good job. For some reason, he couldn't even bring himself to ask Rogerson why he was fired. He just said, "Okay" and "Thanks" and walked off. Of course, I would have jumped up and down, done the Snoopy-dance, and screamed at the top of my lungs, "Thank you! Thank you!" But that's just me.

While I'm glad Richard is taking it so well and seems genuinely happy to be out of Law Clinic, I think it is really sad that Rogerson did that. No reason, no excuse, nothing. Even when you hate a job, if you get fired from it, it still counts in the rejection-department. I think Richard is going to try to get a job working in the law library a few hours a week. I'm glad he'll still be around, not only because he's been nice to me, but also because I couldn't bring myself today to ask about the Becca Rutherford thing, and I want to be able to ask him about it in the near future.

Gotta go study for Tarkington's class...And, hey, it is just a coincidence that LOST is starting right now..

There Are No Friends In Law School

2005-10-11T22:34:00.000-07:00

Today was a strange day at the Law School. Then, again, I don't think I've had a day yet that hasn't been strange at the law school... After Criminal Procedure, I was in the library in my usual spot in the computer lab. There I was, minding my own business and killing time until I had to report for duty at the Property Law Clinic... Humm dee dumm, just sitting there, when all the sudden, someone tall walked over to my computer carrel. Thankfully, I wasn't writing an email installment for this blog at the time. I looked up to see none other than Becca Rutherford, Professor Tarkington's alleged mistress and ex-Research Assistant, standing there. I smiled and said "hi," but I had a sense it was not a casual visit.

Becca asked me if I knew who she was, and I said that I thought she was in my Criminal Procedure class. She pulled the chair out from the carrel next to mine and sat down. The look on her face was not a happy one. After staring at me for a second, she said something like, "I heard you've been asking questions about me and Professor Tarkington." I wanted to laugh. What is this, high school?

She continued when I didn't say anything. Apparently, my ol' buddy who is not my buddy, Richard from Law Clinic, told her every word I said about her and Tarkington. Although I was tempted to say, "Yeah? Big freakin' deal," it immediately came to my mind that I could do the lawyerly thing and make up a defense real quick. So, I told her she was correct; I did ask about her to Richard, and it did involve Tarkington. I told her I (meaning Amy) made the highest grade in Criminal Law last year and that I was hoping to get a Research Assistant position to help stack my resume. Gotta plan ahead for jobs after graduation, you know.

Becca's face seemed to light up, and she said immediately that he was a good professor to work for. Why the hell, then, did she stop working for him? I couldn't bring myself to ask about that, however. Explaining that she had worked for him for a semester and a summer, she said "Mick" makes you work hard, but it's worth it beause you learn a great deal. Well, gee, that is my goal after all: to learn a great deal from "Mick." We talked about the law review article on which she had helped him as well as her interest in being a prosecutor, like Mick had been before he went into teaching. I quickly seized the opportunity to ask her if she had known Mick from before he was a professor. She said no, that they met when she had him for Criminal Law her first year, and then she applied to work for him during the Spring semester of her second year.

It is so frustrating when you are sitting there talking to someone, and you both know there is something that needs to be said, but neither person will mention it. I think she knew I wanted to know what the deal was in class and why she acted so weird. Not to even mention the affair issue, which her use of his first name certainly did not help to quash. It was like a stalemate of silence. Finally, she told me she had to run but that she would "put in a good word with Mick" for me. Yeah, right. Sure she will. Before she got a few steps away, she turned around and came back. Quietly, she leaned over and asked, "Hey, weren't you the one with the drinking problem?"

So, what the heck is the deal with that? Tarkington told me he never complained about me to the dean at all. In fact, the topic of alcohol was not even an issue when I talked to Tarlkington. He said he was just talking about people being sick. Now, I have to wonder if he was lying. I gave Becca a funny look and said, "No, why?" Her reactions spoke volumes as she smiled and started to walk off again. She mumbled something like, "Don't worry about it." But, I am worried about it.

Then, I went to Law Clinic to see if I could find Richard and ask him why he reported my questioning to Becca. I couldn't find Richard anywhere, so I left and returned an hour or so later, at my regular time to be in the Clinic for work. There was a big blond guy in one of the interview rooms. I went in, said hi, and asked if he knew where Richard was. He said Richard doesn't work in the Law Clinic anymore... Rogerson fired him!

The new guy didn't know why; he just knew the message had gotten passed down to him to make sure he covered the office. The newbie's name is Kevin. He's a 3L with no prior experience in Law Clinic, so we are now back to the blind leading the blind. Or the blonde leading the blonde.

I wish I knew what happened with Richard. I sure hope he hasn't gotten in trouble for anything that I did.

Happy Columbus Day!

2005-10-10T19:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Columbus Day, everyone! And to those law students (you know who you are) who didn't show up today to make up for classes we missed during Katrina, you should know you skipped the most important day of your whole law school lives. The Dean had all of the professors pass out the ANSWERS to all the exams. Yep. Today was the only day you could get them. Too bad you missed it. Now, you'll have to fight over which one of you is going to be the Anchor Man at the bottom of the class, cuz there's no way you'll pass. ;o)

No, I'm not bitter at all that so many people skipped while I did my duty and showed up today. Of course, Professor Rogerson was somewhat bitter, but who cares, because he's bitter all the time anyway. That man has it in for me for some reason. I don't know what happened between Amy and Rogerson last year, but I get the feeling it's worse than I orginallly thought. The man is losing it. This afternoon, in Law Clinic, Rogerson had an absolute cow about me leaving the office on Friday to go locate information on the property for Mr. H., our client. Even before I walked through the double doors of the clinic, I could hear Rogerson shouting at Richard and the receptionist. And he was shouting about me. I almost turned around and walked away, but I wanted to know what was going on.

I tip-toed towards the conference room where everyone was, and I poked my head in. When Rogerson saw me, he put his hand on my left arm right above the elbow and almost pushed me towards a vacant chair. That was Mistake #1. He may be a law professor at a law school, but that doesn't give him any right to touch any student, unless that student is choking on a chocolate Whopper malted milk ball (which I almost was) or is having a heart attack. Even at this very moment, I am clueless as to what the heck was wrong with him. I managed to get up the courage to ask him "if" I had done something wrong. Okay, that was MY Mistake #1. It violates one of the rules Amy gave me about how we aren't supposed to talk back to angry professors when they yell at us, even if they are mistaken.

Rogerson took a deep breath like he was about to breathe fire or something. He told me I am not to leave the Law Clinic without his permission. I was like, what the heck? Other students come and go all the time. What am I, eight years old? Thus, I felt so inclined as to make My Mistake #2... I asked him "why." I knew it would tick him off, but I did it anyway. His reply made me want to laugh out loud. His George Kastanza face got all scrunched up and red, and he yelled at the top of his lungs: "As long as you are in this law school, I OWN YOU!"

Isn't owning another human being a violation of the 13th Amendment of the Constitution?

A thousand responses went through my head, but my favorite possible reply was the one on the tip of my tongue: "Bite my big fat ass you stupid jerk!"

Thankfully, I restrained myself and didn't say it. As long as I'm in that law school, he thinks he owns me? What a freak of nature he's turned out to be! Maybe he meant to say "as long as you are working in this Law Clinic, I own you"? That would still tick me off, but it would make more sense, because I am representing the Law Clinic while I am there. But even then, it's still weird.

I ended up not saying anything. Even though I desperately wanted to stand up for myself, instead, I stared at the conference table in front of me and imagined little shapes in the wood grain. Yelling at a crazy person probably would not have gotten me very far anyway, but at some point, there needs to be an understanding between Rogerson and me. No one owns me under any circumstances, and his power trips are getting very old.

Rachel, the receptionist, had tears in her eyes when I looked over at her. Richard was in zombie-mode, like I was, and I'm sure he was picturing shapes in the grain of the conference table, too. When it finally dawned on Rogerson that everyone was just sitting there, waiting for him to finish exploding, he moved towards the conference room door and told us to "get to work" as he stomped into the other room. Richard leaned over to me and whispered, "I was waiting for his head to start spinning around."

Richard and I stayed in the conference room a little longer, so we could discuss the findings of my expedition on Friday. He did not seem surprised that I wasn't able to find any deed records after June of 1962. The only consolation I had for him was Earl and his offer to help if he could. Richard told me it was no big deal. Our client, Mr. H., was already prepared for this. Richard mentioned something about a "Monument of Title" they might be able to use to establish ownership, but he wasn't sure. And he wasn't about to ask Rogerson about it.

I thought Rogerson would never leave. Finally, after he had rumaged through the mail and phone messages, he walked out of the Law Clinic. Richard and I returned to our individual interview rooms we are using as offices. I stopped in to ask Richard a question a little while later, and I offered him my mound of connected paperclips I created on my first night, along with some extras he could play with. Both of us were afraid to do any actual work after Rogerson's blow up. I left early because I was feeling sick. And, no, I did not ask Rogerson's permission.

Have I mentioned how much I hate Law Clinic?

Chances

2005-10-09T19:52:00.000-07:00

What are the chances that I could get away with being completely unprepared for my classes tomorrow? I ran around all day on the beach and then tried (keyword: tried) to give Booger a bath. Booger is the patch-work quilt of the mutt world. He has so may layers and textures of hair, we might as well just shave him and call it a day. And for a dog who loves the ocean so much, why is it that no one can get him to stay in a bathtub long enough to turn the water on? Charlie finally suggested that we take Booger to the local do-it-youself car wash and just spray him down. We decided that might be too rough, but it did give us the idea to put him under the shower instead of in a tub of water. There is an outside shower at the bottom of the steps over at Charlie's that the kids use to rinse off the surf and turf before they go upstairs. It is only cold water, but Booger actually seemed to really like it. After all that hard work today, for some reason, I am just not in the mood to read anything or brief anything or to even find my textbook. I want to be Becca Rutherford, the girl from Tarkington's class... Why can't I keep my textbook closed and just refuse to participate?

I have yet to be called on in Intellectual Property, but I doubt Matthews will call on me tomorrow. She doesn't seem to know the people sitting behind the overhead projector cart are even in the room. Any second, I expect her to turn around and jump when she sees all the figures sitting in the dark. Then, in her bizarre southern accent, she'll look at us and say, "Hey, what are ya'll doing in here?" While it appears safe to skip the reading for Intellectual Property, that class is the only one where I actually like the subject matter and don't mind reading it. I am thinking about taking this laptop to class with me, so I'll at least be able to see when I take notes. Granted, I'll also be able to play FreeCell like other members of the student body, but you know I would never do something like that.

As far as Business Associations, Rogerson called on me awhile back, and he still has most of the students in class to call on. I don't see any reason why I should be a possible target since I'm working the damn 19 hours a week in Law Clinic like he wanted. And what is the worse that could happen if he calls on me, and I am not prepared?

Okay, don't answer that. I'll prepare for Business Associations.

I think I am just burned out. I need a vacation. Yes, you would think we would get a vacation day tomorrow since everyone else in the entire United States will be off for Columbus Day. However, we have a dean who does not believe in Christopher Columbus. Or the discovery of the new world for that matter. Either that, or we have to go to classes tomorrow because we are still making up the classes we missed during Hurricane Katrina.

Booger just came up and stuck his wet nose on the sliding glass door leading to the deck, so I let him in. I cannot believe that dog. He's all dirty and smelly again. It looks like he went for a swim in the ocean and then rolled around on the sand. I'm just glad this is Amy's house and not mine. I think I'd be sort of ticked to have that dirty dog on my blue recliner...

I guess I've got to go read for Rogerson's class. And watch Desperate Housewives...

Amy and Robert

2005-10-08T21:11:00.000-07:00

My sister is such a goof. After I got home from the fish-fry (no shrimp this time) at Charlie's tonight, I was FINALLY able to get ahold of Amy. I know we agreed not to discuss each others lives, but it has been really strange that I haven't heard from her or been able to reach her. When she heard my voice on the phone, I think her response pretty much revealed what's been going on. She said, "Well, hey, AMY!" Only problem is, she's Amy. I'm Ashley. I knew instantly that Robert must have been there with her.

And, sure enough, a second later I found myself on the phone talking to Robert.

Amy has a very good--but twisted--sense of humor. I know it is common for Amy and me to have the guys we date talk to the other twin. The guys usually want to because they like the whole "that-is-so-weird" experience of talking to identical twins; they also like to judge for themselves if we talk alike and laugh alike and to see if they can tell us apart. I usually don't mind this kind of thing at all, but under the current twin-switch, having someone like Robert talk to me could have backfired. Robert has known me for over a year now, and I was actually sort of interested in him romantically myself before the twin-switch began. Speaking to Robert while pretending to be "Amy" was a major Academy Award moment for me. And Amy's reaction didn't help much either, as she couldn't stop laughing during the entire conversation.

Robert thinks he is dating ME. Amy and I discussed this exact issue a million times before the twin-swtich even started. Even if guys may be fun to play with generally, it is not fair for twins to switch places on a guy. (Unless, of course, it is a well-orchestrated practical joke for a short period of time and under controlled circumstances.) The Twinkie Experiment is designed to explore the broader spectrum of society's perceptions; it does not involve intimate relationships. Especially intimate relationships with a guy who I like, too. And...I saw him first. :o(

In all seriousness, we have been through an awful lot in this experiment to risk blowing everything because Amy is attracted to Robert. They need to cool it, just until the twin-switch is officially over. My reminders that we need to avoid relationships didn't seem to register at all with Amy. Part of the problem, I'm sure, was the fact Robert was standing close by. I probably need to call her back when he is not there, and she can talk.

As much as I hate to admit it, I am afraid Amy is really getting hooked on Robert. And what happens if Robert is hooked on who he believes is me? I know, why not have Amy and me switch back and just let me carry on where Amy left off? (I'm kidding.) Or, he could just date both of us... Except Amy and I don't share well. We could flip a coin? Take turns being "Ashley"? How is Robert going to feel when he finds out he has been with an imposter all this time?

The Ends of the Earth

2005-10-07T21:47:00.000-07:00

Today I was reminded of that old movie about a bushman in the Kalahari Desert who witnesses a Coke bottle fall out of the sky (from an airplane). He has never seen anything like it, and he takes it back to his people who ultimately fight over it. The bushman concludes the Coke bottle must be "evil" and decides to get rid of it by throwing it off the ends of the earth. I can tell you exactly where the bushman went to find the ends of the earth... I drove there this afternoon in Amy's jeep.

The odyssey began in the Law Clinic when I called around to see if I could locate the land records for the property Mr. H. is trying to find. I couldn't get an answer when I called any of the Town Hall numbers provided by the 411 Operator. Richard determined the best thing to do was for ME to drive on out there and see if I could locate the local "Town Hall-slash-Volunteer Fire Department-slash-Lions Club Meeting Hall" and ask if anyone could provide information about the property. I took a list of names of people who had possibly owned the land at one time, that Mr. H. provided to us, along with Google directions on how to get to the Town Hall/Fire Department/etc.

I was actually pretty pleased with myself for being able to get out of Law Clinic all afternoon to go find the property records. The rain finally stopped, and I thought I would enjoy a peaceful drive out into the country... Or, at least I told myself that as I disembarked from the Ferry, drove thirty minutes to where I would normally turn-off to Amy's house, and kept going. I passed the street leading to the "Road Closed" sign you go around to get to the nude beach, and then I proceeded northward through a minefield of potholes where the county money obviously ran out for road impovements. The fact the road on which I was driving was still paved, sort of, was the only encouragement I had that human life had been to that area before. There were no houses. There really were no "trees" per se. I followed the directions on the Google print-out that said to go 13.7 miles and then turn right on a street called "Geeker Pike," which supposedly would lead right into town.

How do I get myself into these messes? Just as I wanted to give up on there even being a town out there, I stumbled across a faded billboard sign that said: EAT AT STUCKEY'S AND GET GAS. Up ahead, about a quarter of a mile, stood an old "Stuckey's" restaurant/gas station that had been turned into a grocery store. When I went inside to ask for directions, all the sudden I was standing in front of two men who could have just walked out of the "Deliverance" movie, and I'm not talking about Burt Reynolds. You would have thought I had the words "LOST TOURIST" written on my forehead with the way they stared at me. I asked them if they could please direct me to the Town Hall and explained my reason for being there. No answer. More staring. I wondered for moment if they spoke English. Finally, the guy standing behind the counter said, "Damn. You talk fast. Whatthehell did you just say?"

I tried my explanation again, only more slowly, and I included the Volunteer Fire Department and Lions Club in my description of the Town Hall. More staring, followed by pointing and arm waving toward the direction I would have been heading anyway if I had never stopped at the grocery store. Thanking the gentlemen, I left their presence and proceeded down the road to a cement building with no windows. It had a double garage big enough for a fire engine, which I took as a good sign, and I pulled in front near the doors. With list in hand of the names of the people who may have owned the property I was searching for, I stepped into the building and up to the small table where an old woman was sitting, smoking a cigarette. Smoking a cigarette in a fire station. All that was missing at that point was the Twilight Zone music.

After learning my lesson from the previous stop, I intentionally slowed my speech as I inquired about the land records. She did not get up from her folding chair behind her small table; she simply turned her head and yelled for "Gerald." Gerald, also apparently from the Deliverance gang, walked into the front area and asked how he could help me. I presented my speech again about the property. Thankfully, Gerald seemed to know where the records were kept, and he pointed to a door at the end of the hall that had "Employees Only" written on it, above a "No Smoking" sign.

I felt optimistic and relieved that my treasure hunt had finally come to an end. I was wrong. When I walked into the large storage room with Gerald at my side, my heart sank when I realized where the records were kept. Gerald pointed to several shoeboxes that were stacked on top of huge barrel-shaped bins. Now, guess what was in the huge barrel-shaped bins... Land records? No... Rubber duckies. Hundreds--if not thousands--of little rubber duckies. The room was practically overflowing with them. Hey, what else would you expect to find in a records room at a Town Hall-with-Fire Station-and-Lions Club Meeting Facility? Gerald, with pride in his voice, told me the ducks are for the "Duckie Regatta" they have every second Saturday in July at the Fireman's Festival to raise money for the Volunteer Fire Department. The public is welcome. Mark your calendars.

Gerald also provided an explanation of why the land records are contained in shoeboxes. You see, there just isn't room in the facility for an elaborate filing system. (I am guessing the duckies are more of a priority?) What about a computer system? I already knew better than to say that out loud. Gerald handed me the first shoebox and told me if the deeds have been recorded, there would be a record of it in the boxes. Surrounded by smiling little yellow duckie faces, complete with different colored sunglasses, I began fingering my way through the shoebox, and Gerald left me to it.

To make a long story short, yes, there were deed receipts located in the shoeboxes, and I was so thankful to finally locate reference markers for the property. Unfortunately, there were no records past June of 1962 for the specific property about which Mr. H. wanted information. By all appearances, I wasted a trip and an afternoon for nothing, except perhaps to get out of sitting in the Law Clinic. (I am not really sure which I would rather do). On my way out, I stopped again to see if I could speak with Gerald. Once again, the woman yelled for Gerald, and he came out to the front. He greeted me with the same "How can I help you" as if he had never seen me before in his life. I mentioned the lack of records in the shoeboxes and asked if there might be another source of information available about the land in question. Just as he was giving me a long explanation about why there were no records, the old woman interrupted in order to remind Gerald that "Earl" probably knows who owns or who did own that land.

My journey continued as I began the quest to find "Earl." It was getting hot, and my mosquito repellent had worn off, along with my patience. Down a dirt road leading me farther away from the paved street that would take me back to civilization, I came across a barn-looking building that had "EED LOTS" painted on it in faded yellow letters. There, I found yet another guy from the Deliverance cast, who appeared to be locking up for the day. I pulled the jeep parallel to the front entrance and asked, very slowly, if he knew where I could find a guy named Earl. What do you know. He was Earl. Not only is Earl a relative of someone who actually owned a parcel of the property at one time, but also he claims to know everybody and every piece of land around that township. I grabbed a pen and jotted down the information he gave me, including names, dates, and specific directions. Most of it consisted of information such as "the property on the other side of the crek" (creek?) and "past two mile markers, turn left at the fork, and if you come to an old shed with the roof partially torn off, you've gone too far."

The property listed in the will apparently was owned by a big family who, basically, passed it around from one member, or close friend, to the next relative, and so on. Of course, they didn't sign paperwork such as deeds or any type of documentation. The good news is that Earl knows for sure the property was ultimately given to the maker of the will (the testator?). There is just one problem. There is no evidence of the transaction, other than the word of Earl, Feed Store Owner and long-time resident. Maybe Amy knows the answer to this question, because I sure don't...What happens when there isn't any information in the whole world indicating the ownership of the property? Is there a legal way to establish the guy who made the will owned the property when there is no apparent document about the property after 1962, and the owner at that time is long gone? I was so tempted to go back and suggest to Mr. H. that he hire a lawyer. But, then I remembered Mr. H. did that, or tried to, when he came to the Law Clinic.

I carefully folded up my notes and thanked Earl for his valuable information. He doesn't have a phone, but he was nice enough to say we can always find him at the Feed Lots if we have any other questions.

On my drive back from the ends of the earth, I pretty much decided that was the weirdest town with the weirdest people I have ever encountered. It was so odd that, for an instant, it felt like I should call someone or something. Like there's a national hotline to report funky towns. :o)

A Race

2005-10-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

It's a race to see how fast I can write this because I'm supposed to be downstairs in a few minutes at the Law Clinic. I haven't started my latest National Geographic Explorer expedition yet to discover the location of Mr. H's land. As many of you will recall, the last expedition I went on ended up with me stuck in a maroon Windstar Minivan. At a nude beach. Where five really old naked guys had to rescue me. I'm hoping that won't happen again.

We have a regular map of the area where Mr. H's land should be. Now we just need to find out where the property is exactly that is mentioned in the will and who really owns it. We didn't get the Bylaws exercise back in Business Associations yesterday, so I still don't know if Rogerson liked my nonprofit idea. Now I am wishing I had included an element that talked about making sure the students don't have to drive to the ends of the earth as part of their Law Clinic duties.

Remember how I told you there is a 3L named Richard who works in the Law Clinic and knows everything? It turns out he knows more than just where the secretary keeps the Whopper candy stash. When I mentioned what has been going on lately in Criminal Procedure with Ms. Rutherford, he was able to give me the scoop on her. It's top secret, so I'm only telling you and 30,000 of my closest friends. Ms. Rutherford's full name is Rebecca Rutherford, and she goes by "Becca." Becca is apparently a 3L, which is why none of the 2L's really seem to know much about her, and she's not in the other classes with me. Criminal Procedure is not a "lockstep" required class like Business Associations is, which means students can take it anytime they want before graduation.

Richard says Becca became Professor Tarkington's Research Assistant starting last semester, but she just all the sudden up and quit at the end of the summer. No one knows why, and she won't talk about it. Tarkington, according to rumor which is all we've got right now, did not take her quitting very well. (SO THERE'S A POSITION NOW OPEN TO BECOME TARKINGTON'S RESEARCH ASSISTANT??)

I asked RIchard if it seemed like anything was going on between Tarkington and Becca, and he said no way since Tarkington's married to a "hot babe." :o( However, he says there are people who claim to have seen Tarkington and Becca out in public, and those people believe there was definitely a torrid, heated affair going on. What does "out in public" mean? Richard didn't know. If it means their cars coincidently arrived at the law school building at the same time and they fought over the parking meters, that's one thing. If they were at the Hyatt down the street, that's something else.

I firmly believe that what two consenting adults do on their own time is none of my damn business. Unless, of course, I am stuck in a law school where I'm not really a student, and I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, and I'm bored out of my mind, and the professor is really good looking, and I'm ticked off because I have to work in Law Clinic 19 hours a week...Then, I would say, everything is my damn business. I'm "Amy," remember? And Amy has become really nosey lately.

Damn, I'm damn late damn for damn the damn Law damn Clinic.

Burning Questions

2005-10-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

I love Business Associations!
[repeat]
I love Business Associations!
[repeat]
I love Business Associations!

I'm trying to brainwash myself. I'm in the law library AGAIN, and I've been staring at the the same question like I'm trying to translate it into English or something...

Issue: Can a foreign corporation that conducts a one-time transaction in a forum and has no intention of future gain be forced to litigate in that jurisdiction by virtue of that jurisdiction's long-arm statute?

Does Amy really understand this stuff? It is the issue for Mackensworth v. American Trading Transportation Co. 367 F. Supp 373 (ED Pa. 1973). It's just one of a dozen cases I'm supposed to brief for Business Associations this afternoon. I've got the study aids for the case, but even those don't make any sense. Let's see...A foreign corporation... Right, that means a corporation that is incorporated in another state, not a "foreign" corporation in like, Japan, or wherever. One-time transaction in a forum... Forum...Public forum? Fora? No future gain? Forced to litigate...I know what that means, but why... Long-arm statute... hummm...

When all else fails, read the case in the textbook. Flip, flip, flip...still flipping... Okay, here it is. What a weird case. Apparently, both the plaintiff and the defendant filed poetry or limericks as part of their filings with the court. The issue involves whether a single port call by a merchant vessel was sufficient for the court to exercise in personam jurisdiction (??? Huh?) over the ship's owner. Plaintiff's attorney, Harry Lore, included a limerick in his brief. When defense counsel E. Alfred Smith responded in kind, Judge Becker, his muse in high gear, created a poem for his opinion.

Talk about bizarro-world. The entire case is in poetry form.

I'll put some of the Judge's poem in here for your enjoyment. Maybe we can set it to music? Maybe it will make the case easier to understand?

The motion now before us
has stirred up a terrible fuss.
And what is considerably worse,
it has spawned some preposterous doggerel verse.
The plaintiff, a man of the sea,
after paying his lawyer a fee,
filed a complaint of several pages
to recover statutory wages.
The pleaded facts remind us of a tale that is endless.
A seaman whom for centuries the law has called "friendless"
is discharged from the ship before voyage's end
and sues for lost wages, his finances to mend.
The defendant shipping company's office is based in New York City,
and to get right down to the nitty gritty,
it has been brought to this Court by long arm service,
which has made it extremely nervous. Long arm service is a procedural tool
founded upon a "doing business" rule.
But defendant has no office here, and says it has no mania
to do any business in Pennsylvania.
Plaintiff found defendant had a ship here in June '72,

but defendant says that ship's business is through.
Asserting that process is amiss,
it has filed a motion to dismiss.
Plaintiff's counsel, whose name is Harry Lore,
read defendant's brief and found it a bore.
Instead of a reply brief, he acted pretty quick
and responded with a clever limerick:
"Admiralty process is hoary
With pleadings that tell a sad story
Of Libels in Rem--
The bane of sea-faring men
The moral:
Better personally served than
be sorry."
Not to be outdone, the defense took the time
to reply with their own clever rhyme.
The defense counsel team of Mahoney, Roberts, & Smith
drafted a poem cutting right to the pith:
"Admiralty lawyers like Harry
Both current and those known from lore
Be they straight types, mixed or fairy
Must learn how to sidestep our bore.
For Smith, not known for his mirth
With his knife out for Mackensworth
With Writs, papers or Motions to Quash
Knows that dear Harry's position don't wash."
Overwhelmed by this outburst of pure creativity,
we determined to show an equal proclivity.
Hence this opinion in the form of verse,
even if not of the calibre of Saint-John Perse.

[snip]

ORDER Finding that service of process is bona fide,
the motion to dismiss is hereby denied.
So that this case can now get about its ways,
defendant shall file an answer within 21 days.

Okay, NOW I remember why I never wanted to become a lawyer... I sure hope Rogerson doesn't call on me to explain this case. Not only do I suck at legalese, but I have always hated analyzing poetry. I'd rather do math.

By the way, speaking of things I hate, yesterday in Law Clinic, I was sent on a wild goose chase. Yes, I found the local courthouse okay (thanks to the Yellow Pages), and I even found the Records Room on the first floor down by the candy and coke machines. If you are really sweet to the clerks that work there, they will actually help you find what you need in the databases. A good thing, since I have no idea what they were talking about with the Record Indexes.

The property that Mr. H (not the client's real initial) is searching for looks like it might be down past where Amy's house is. Way down past. It's about 20 miles northeast from where Amy lives (and, cough cough, about 18 miles northeast of the turn off for the nude beach). At least that is the clerk's and my best guess. You see, apparently, no one really knows what is out there. It's the land that time forgot to record. Even on Google Maps it says "Map not available" and "Image not available" (for the satellite). No wonder Mr. H. has been having such a hard time locating the property mentioned in the will. Not to mention verifying who really owns it.

The clerk just kind of looked at me funny when I asked her how I could find the information about the land out there. If it's not in their database, it appears they don't really care where it is or who owns it. Either that, or this situation has never happened before. I asked her if there was anyone else I could speak with, and she directed me to her boss. Mr. Boss acted like finding the land was a lost cause. Right. Like I can just go back and have Richard tell the client, sorry, but we can't find your land. And the government doesn't know where it is either.

Ultimately, Mr. Boss said someone would have to actually drive out there and go to the place where they keep town records. I asked Mr. Boss where that might be, and he said, "In the Town Hall. If they have one." Sooo helpful. I went back to the Law Clinic and informed Richard of the mystery of the missing land. Guess who gets to drive all over no-man's-land, starting this afternoon in the torrential rain, to see if we can find the records... Yep, that would be moi.

I tried to tell Richard I would be much more useful counting and connecting paperclips, but he still insisted I go find the land. Just call me "Ashley Morrighan, Fearless Explorer." Or rather, "Amy Morrighan, Fearless Explorer..."

I love Property Law Clinic!
[repeat]
I love Property Law Clinic!

Things That Make You Go Hummm

2005-10-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

Guess where I am... Ding Ding Ding! You are right! Back in the computer lab off the law library, sitting in my little carrel. I ate lunch with Beth (of Beth and Vickie) and two other people Amy obviously knows but who I don't. So, no need to sneak food in today. I have a few minutes before I get to go to Law Clinic for a joyous afternoon of hunting and fishing for land information in our local courthouse. Big snore. Well, at least it will get me out of the building. Into the rain.

The weird moment of the day happened in Professor Tarkington's Criminal Procedure class this morning. Yes, another installment of the Tarkington-Rutherford Incident. Surprise-surprise! Rutherford actually showed up ON TIME today. She also brought with her more than just her textbook...she actually had a legal pad AND a writing instrument! We all thought the whole thing was a little suspicious, but wait, it gets even more so. Professor Tarkington, keeping his tradition of calling on students a second time when they are unprepared--albeit, a few days late, if you ask me--actually called on Rutherford again. AND she was prepared! It was like a real law school moment. Professor asks a question; student answers it. You would never have guessed these two were angry at each other. Both were pleasant. But not too pleasant. Just pleasant enough. They even smiled at each other. At one point, the guy in front of me said, "Oh, puke" at their niceness. Quite a performance. Like Highlighter Guy said, it almost seemed like they had rehearsed it ahead of time.

Whatever their little spat was about, I guess they made up. The feelers are out now, even more than before, to find someone who knows Rutherford or Tarkington and who can tell us what has been going on.

Damn, gotta go to law clinic. One final question before I go... on the Ferry this morning, during my attempts to pick up any type of radio station, I heard part of a song. Maybe someone out there can give me the details? The guy who sings it has a great voice. Something about "Girlfriend in a coma, I know, I know it's serious...Do you really think that she'll pull through..." It is a really funny song, in that the lyrics don't match the happy-go-lucky tune at all. The tune has been going through my head all day long. It goes like this: da da da-da da da da da daaa... Sound familiar? da da da-da da da da da daaa...

No Experience Required

2005-10-03T23:22:00.000-07:00

It's later on Monday. I just got home from Law Clinic, and thankfully, it looks like I just beat the storm, too. The beach house is already swaying in the wind. We're supposed to have a "cold front" make its way this direction, but with the tropical air coming off the ocean, all this area ever gets is thunderstorms. If you turn off all the lights in the house and watch out the front windows toward the ocean, it is really spooky when lightning strikes. I am glad smelly Booger dog is here with me.

This afternoon in Rogerson's Business Associations class, we all turned in our carefully drafted Bylaws. Rogerson wasn't exactly clear about how they would be graded, if at all. After they were all turned in, he told the class that if we didn't turn it in, then we would lose 2 points from our overall grade. Michele very bravely asked him what we get for turning them in. Professor Rogerson smiled his George Kastanza smile and said, "Absolutely nothing." He sure knows how to win friends and influence people. Several students commented about how they would not have bothered to do the exercise, saying they would rather just take the 2 point penalty. It does seem like we did a heck of a lot of work--mine was 11 pages when I was through with it--just to keep from losing 2 points.

The topic quickly swtiched from our Bylaws to President Bush's latest nominee for the Supreme Court. Everyone was really hard on this woman. Since I don't follow the Court or what goes on, and I don't really care at all whatsoever, I try to stay out of these debates. Still, even I recognized how strange it is to nominate someone with no judicial experience. It was suggested that maybe Bush doesn't realize what the Supreme Court is and that they have actual judges there. One of the guys in class also said that even brand new judges on the district court or federal level have to go to "Baby Judge School." We all speculated on how Ms. Miers will have to take an advanced course somehow, like "BIG Baby Judge School." Kind of like me having to learn Spanish overnight. Only worse. She's going to be helping to decide cases of life or death. With no experience as a judge. Gosh, me working in Law Clinic with no experience suddenly doesn't seem so bad. Perhaps this kind of thing happens all the time in the legal world?

Tomorrow in Law Clinic, Richard (the 3L who actually knows what he is doing) says he'll have some "research' for me to do. Oh goodie. A client came in this afternoon to talk to Richard about a will/probate problem he is having. Apparently, the guy is from out of state and is having a hard time finding the property that is listed in the will to verify if the person who died really owned it. He has to track all the land down so he can sell it off and distribute the cash to the beneficiaries. The land records supposedly are in a computerized database, but some of the records aren't showing up. This means tomorrow afternoon I will get the joy of having to go to local courthouse to research where the land is exactly and who owns what. Anyone know where the courthouse is? Hey, anything is better than sitting around, hoping that no clients call or walk in.

Time to watch Headlines on Jay Leno and then read for Tarkington's class. The lightning and thunder sound pretty close. I would hate to lose power during Leno...

Bad Boys and Girls

2005-10-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

I'm in the computer lab off of the library, in one of the carrels. I am having to be even more careful than normal because of the increased demand for computers right now. There are about... (counting)... 34 computers in here, all of them currently being used by Rogerson's Business Associations students. That's almost half of Rogerson's class. There are also a number of students hovering around, just waiting to jump into a vacant seat, like it's one big game of musical chairs or something. So much for Rogerson's idea of making us give up our weekend plans to do the Bylaws drafting exercise. I can't believe so many people waited until the very last minute. It's due in 45 minutes.

Several of the students have come by and pointed out that I am writing an email and not working on the Bylaws. They actually want me to leave. Ha, like Bylaws are more important than me emailing Traci with the play-by-play of these desperate law school vultures waiting to swoop on computers? Hey, SOME of us did our homework over the weekend. Okay, well, yesterday. Tempers are getting short in here. It's terrible of me to laugh. The guy in the carrel next to mine has suggested that we stand up for a second like we're about to leave. Then, when the people waiting for computers notice us and start running this direction, we'll sit down again real fast. Law students are so cruel.

In Intellectual Property this morning, the overhead projector apparently made a full recovery and has now returned to its spot in the class. More PowerPoint documents converted to overheads. More sitting in the dark because Professor Matthews hasn't figured out how to get the recessed lighting to work...She's turning an interesting topic like Copyrights into something like math. Bleh. You should have seen it when Matthews came in pushing the overhead projector cart. People were actually boo-ing and hissing.

Wow, more people have come into the lab and are waiting for a computer to open up. Do they really think they will be able to draft the bylaws and get them printed in 30 minutes? This I've GOT to see. I'm going to give up my spot. Just so I can watch the frenzy. More later.

My Bylaws

2005-10-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

I've been studying all day to try and get the reading overwith, so I won't fall behind in the classes because of 19 hours in Law Clinic. I am just now getting around to the drafting exercise for Business Associations. Professor Rogerson told us on Friday that since we basically are all "clueless" and will never make it as lawyers, we need to be spoonfed how to do Bylaws. What this means is we have to spoonfeed ourselves as we each have to draft actual bylaws for a corporation. Rogerson said we have to make up our own corporation--for profit or nonprofit--and then draft all the correct elements into the bylaws. We have to turn them in at the start of class tomorrow, which means he intended us to give up our entire weekend plans to work on it. Amy was right when she warned me he is a sadist.

Let's face it, Rogerson is basically asking for it by saying we can come up with any kind of corporation we want. Some of the other students are getting real creative... One guy is drafting bylaws for a brotheI. An incorporated brothel. Just what the world needs. I played with several ideas for a corporation, and I believe I have finally found one that will make the bylaw exercise worthwhile. You will find that my corporation was inspired by my determination to be free from the 19 hour per week Law Clinic requirement. Hey, Rogerson said he didn't care what type of corporation we started... All that matters is that we draft the bylaws legal elements correctly. Here's a little sample of what I've been working on:

BYLAWS OF SUPOL.ORG
STOP UNAUTHORIZED PRACTICE OF LAW

ARTICLE I
NAME

The organization shall be known as Stop Unauthorized Practice of Law (SUPOL), incorporated as a nonprofit organization in this state.

ARTICLE II
MISSION STATEMENT

SUPOL is a "watchdog" group made up of attorneys, judges, and law students who intervene and report to State Bar Associations the unathorized and illegal practice of law by law students who are working unsupervised and without proper training in law school "clinics" throughout the United States.

ARTICLE III
GOALS

SUPOL is committed to:

a. Educating law schools, law students, and the community about the laws governing the unauthorized practice of law;
b. Creating a toll-free "hotline" for law school staff, faculty, students, and the public to anonymously report the unauthorized practice of law occuring in the Law Clinics at their schools;
c. Providing traning manuals and other literature to Law School Clinics that provide the laws and ethics rules regarding law students practicing law;
d. Conducing "mystery shopper" checks at Law Clinics to see if there is a licensed attorney supervising the law students, and reporting any unauthorized practice of law to the Dean of the law school and to the State Bar Association;
e. Maintain an interactive website featuring the laws and ethics rules regarding law students practicing law;
f. Providing an "email hotline" where law school staff, faculty, students, and the public can file an anonymous complaint regarding the unathorized practice of law in Law Clinics;
g. Providing on-site training for students and supervising faculty on the laws and ethics regarding the unathorized practice of law in Law Clinics;
h. Establishing an online forum and chatroom for law students who work in Law Clinics so the students can have access to support; and
i. Providing a licensed attorney available to take complaints regarding Law Clinic working conditions and abuse of hours assigned to students.

That is what I have so far. I realize I am probably having too much fun with this... It's probably going to come back to bite me, isn't it? But I feel so much better being able to include my Law Clinic problems as part of the Bylaws drafting assignement. Do you think it's too much? I just keep hearing Amy's voice in my head: "Stay off the radar..."

Maybe Rogerson will think it is funny? ;o)

Back to Normal

2005-10-01T21:35:00.000-07:00

Hey, Traci, what's the deal with the blog today? I'm sorry to all the readers for the computer problems. It is all Traci's fault! (Just Kidding). Oops better not tick Traci off since she has complete power over the blog... Traci, I like your hair... Have you lost weight? I love you, man!

Things are back to normal on Charlie's Mountain. Okay, so there's no mountain. But there was a fish-fry today, with crabs, brisket, the poppers (fried cheese and peppers put in deep oil and fried), and homemade ice cream. With road salt and the little crank you have to turn and everything. The kids had a blast with it, up until they started sneaking poppers into the ice cream maker. It got kind of gross after that. I think you gain 10 pounds from just living next door to Charlie.

I feel so relieved not to have to work at law clinic today. I am not sure how much more of that I can put up with. I've got to come up with a plan to get out of the 19 hours a week. No one else is working 19 hours. In fact, it seems like the other students work only about 4 or 5 hours a week, and even then, half the time they come by and say they can't work that particular day. I would guess Rogerson wants me there to make sure there is someone in the clinic, but if that were the case, you'd think he'd make himself available (or someone) in case I had a question. He knows I don't have a manual. Even Amy would be clueless on what we are supposed to be doing and not doing. It's just a matter of time... I'm going to get out of the 19 hours.

I still haven't heard anything about the Tarkington-Rutherford Incident. I don't think Rutherford is in any of the other classes I have. It makes me wonder if maybe she flunked Criminal Procedure last year and is now having to take it again? Is that why she is so ticked off all the time? Maybe she got an unfair grade, like what happened to Amy with Rogerson's Civil Procedure class last year. (I am still wondering about that situation). It's just hard to imagine a law professor having an affair with a student. I mean, they are LAWYERS who follow the law, right? I am guessing I am still naive about law school and what really goes on there. If Tarkington did have an affair with Rutherford, or if he still is, I wonder how they ever got to that point. Tarkington is "Mr. Professional." I've seen numerous times when girls in the class will try to flirt with him, swing their long hair in his face when they talk to him, and ask him inappropriate questions to see if he'll react. (We've tried everything. ;) ) He never does react. How did she get that close to him?

I haven't heard much from Amy this week. We're trying not to discuss our lives, but at the same time, I think I have a right to know what she is doing with Robert, since technically it is ME he is with. I'm guessing she probably had plans with him this weekend since she was so vague about what she was going to be doing. It may be time for me to plan a trip back home. Amy came here to visit, so why don't I go pay her a visit?

I'm currently sitting out on the deck, feeding the mosquitoes. In order to make a dent in the cases I have to read, I need to start preparing on the weekends. It is just really hard when I am so tempted to drop-kick the textbooks over the railing and into the ocean...

Hey, Traci...keep up the good work. :o)

A Snowman's Intellectual Property Rights

2005-10-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

Due to Blogger problems, this post from Friday is being posted today.

FRIDAY, September 30, 2005:

Today was absolutely beautiful. Finally we are out of the hotter-than-hell 90's with 90+ humidity. It was actually a pretty good day, as far as law school days go. In Intellectual Property class, we have switched gears to Copyrights. I am finding it extremely interesting. It turns out that you have copyright protection automatically from the moment you implement creative expression in writing, on tape, in art, etc.. As long as it is "fixed in a tangible medium of expression" you have copyrights, and you don't even have to file anything with the US Copyright Office (however, Professor Matthews said there are some benefits to filing with the US Copyright Office. She just didn't bother telling us what those "benefits" are.) The most interesting discussion from class this morning involved a snowman.

Issue: Under copyright law, is it possible for a snowman to have copyright protection? Is it "fixed in a tangible medium of expression?"

I think it is like an artist's sculpture, which would have copyright protection. But, is it really "fixed" if it is going to melt? Is it a "tangible" medium? We all made arguments for and against granting Frosty copyright protection. It was also interesting when we called the snowman "Frosty" during class. Matthews said, even though we will cover it in the next few weeks, we should know "characters" like Frosty are copyright protected. He's drawn on paper or filmed, which are both fixed, tangible mediums. If you take a picture of the snowman, then the picture could have copyright protection. Professor Matthews, like most professors, would not give us a real answer to the questions. It's all a part of teaching us how to "think like a lawyer." I wonder how many lawyers have been asked by clients if it's possible to copyright their snowmen. I can tell you one thing...that doesn't happen very often in this area near the coast.

I've been trying to catch Rogerson the past few days so I could tell him I don't speak Spanish. But, Rogerson is never around. Aren't students supposed to have a licensed attorney supervising their work? In any event, after Business Associations (in which we are discussing how to draft "By-laws"), I approached Rogerson up at the podium. I know how much he loves an audience to watch when he slaughters students, and I worried about talking to him while there were so many students around. I felt like it couldn't wait. When I had his attention, I told him I needed to talk to him about his notes he posted in law clinic about how I would handle clients who speak only Spanish. I said something like, "I just wanted to remind you that it's been a long time since I took Spanish, and I am a little rusty." He asked me how rusty... I told him I was sorry, but that I was not confident enough in my Spanish skills to take on such an important task as helping Spanish-speakers. Little does he know I can barely say "Where is the bathroom" in Spanish, and I just learned (thanks to this blog and the commenters) that what I thought was a Spanish way to say "Can I have a beer" is actually Italian...

Rogerson said it was "unfortunate" that I did not have the skill-set. I suggested that, since I don't know Spanish, perhaps someone else would be better suited to work in Law Clinic besides me. (Hey, I'm just being helpful.) Rogerson laughed and said I still have to work 19 hours a week pursuant to our "arrangement." What arrangement? I certainly did not agree to those hours, and I seriously doubt Amy would do that. I asked him nicely what he meant about "arrangement," and he said something like: "You know precisely the arrangment to which I am referring." What the heck does that mean?

Whatever. Law Clinic is not too bad as long as there are no clients that come in. Or call. And no other law students are working. And Rogerson has already gone home...

I want to walk over to the beach before the sun starts going down, so I need to wrap things up for now. But, just one more thing before I go. I heard the funniest song this morning while I was on the Ferry, slowly making my way to law school. You aren't allowed to have your engine running while you are riding the Ferry, but I can still get the radio to work even without the engine (which, as you may know, has worked to my disadvantage in the past when Charlie's kids left the radio on overnight and the Jeep's battery died...). It's hard to pick up stations down here sometimes, so I was scanning the dial to see if I could find anything. I hit on an obscure Country Station that was playing a truly inspirational song. Now, I'm not the biggest Country Music fan, so I don't know if you have heard this or not, but I swear the title of the song is: My Give A Damn Is Busted

Page Loading Problems--From Traci the Blog Admin.

2005-10-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

I think a few people maybe still having problems with the page loading. I'm sorry for the problem. I had put in messages to Blogger to see if they can fix the problem. I finally got a response from them. They say they have had some server problems but there is nothing else they can do about the problem some readers are having.

Here are some suggestions people have made

The Blogger people said the people having problems in IE should clear the "cashe" and "cookies" on their computers and try again

Push the refresh button

Push the month (like Septemember 2005) on the left and it sometimes works

Push the screen size button in the top right corner of your computer screen. Shrink it and make it big again and that usually works.

Try viewing it in the mozilla firefox browser. The problem doesn't happen in Firefox. Firefox is free to download and works just like IE and is good at keeping popup ads from happening too.

Ashley, Amy, and I hope you will stick it out and continue reading even with the Template problems. I tried changing to another Template and the problem still happened. I had put a stat counter on here. Thought maybe I messed up the template but even now that the counter is off of it the problem still is doing it for some people. Only thing else I can do is delete blog completely and start over at another site. I don't really want to do that. Right now we are still getting about 1500 to 2000 readers a day and I am afraid we would lose some of our readers who didn't make it over to the new site. I would also not have time to make sure old posts made it okay.

If anyone has other ideas please post a comment.

Thanks,

Traci
Blog Administrator

The Meaning of Coke and Cookies

2005-09-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

I'm back in my spot in the library computer lab again. This time, I snuck in a Coke and animal cookies from the vending machine. :o) This law school is doing something to me. I am usually a big kiss-ass rule-follower who strives to go the extra mile. It is no coincidence that I am seeing the same negative behaviors from other students here. The daily onslaught of negativity, competitiveness, unfairness, and cruelty takes its toll, and students start acting out. I snuck a drink and cookies into the library in response to the frustration I feel towards Rogerson for making me work 19 hours in the law clinic, with no instruction, no training manual, and no one to ask questions on the days I work alone. Not to even mention I am not Amy and, therefore, know nothing about Property Law, and I probably shouldn't even be in the building.

Now, you KNOW how I don't like to complain...(cough cough) but what happened this morning was unbelievable. Ms. Rutherford--you know, the girl who got kicked out of class on Tuesday--caused another spectacle in Tarkington's Criminal Procedure class. At first, we thought Ms. Rutherford was absent. We were all still dying to know what happened on Tuesday, but it appears no one has gotten the true story from Rutherford, Tarkington, or eye-witnesses. There is plenty of speculation, of course. The majority of the class thinks there is "something going on" (to put it nicely) between Professor Tarkington and Ms. Rutherford. All I can say is, if Tarkington is dating students, WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

Tarkington is a hottie, with his blond hair, dark tan, and bright green eyes... In any event, several students have suggested that perhaps it is NOT an affair, but it is instead just an understandable reaction on Tarkington's part to Ms. Rutherford's rudeness. It goes back to the whole Professors-are-considered-to-be-like-Judges thing. I am not sure I agree with this theory either.

Her conduct to me appears more like a person who does not want to be in the class but who is forced to be there. She won't open her book. She won't even bring a pen, paper, or highlighter with her. I am guessing she wanted to drop the course, but it was either too late and she couldn't drop now due to Financial Aid regulations (or something), or she couldn't get dean approval to drop the class (which I can see happening). For some reason, she does not want to be there.

In Criminal Procedure this morning, it was about half-way into the class, when Rutherford pulled her latest stunt. She walked into class late. Now, I know that doesn't sound like a big deal to normal people who are not in law school. To fully understand the gravity of her offense, you have to appreciate Tarkington's view of the world. The worst thing you can do to him is walk in late to his class. When Rutherford walked in, the students felt like it was time to duck and cover. You could hear people shifting in their seats. People stopped playing FreeCell, stopped doodling, and turned off the LOST First Season DVD on their laptops. All we needed was popcorn to fully enjoy the show.

Surprisingly, Tarkington's reaction was no reaction. He barely paused mid-sentence, glanced over at Rutherford as she walked slowly into class, up the stairs, and took her seat. He did not say anything or react in any way; he just continued talking about "Terry Stops."

What a let-down. More than that, though. Not only did she break Cardinal Rule #1 by walking in late, but what about the fact she was unprepared on Tuesday? Why didn't Tarkington call on her again today? Like what he did when I was unprepared one class, and then the next class, he called on me again. Yet, Rutherford suffered no repercussions for her actions. I waited with the group after class was over to see if Tarkington would ask to speak to Rutherford. Nothing happened.

What happened to his credo, and the extended lecture I received, about how we have to come to class on time and be prepared because "the most important thing you can do for your client is show up on time and be prepared in court?"

It is so not fair. Not that I want Rutherford to suffer; I just want some way to understand the boundaries in this school. I want equality and fairness. Maybe bringing the illegal Coke and animal cookies in the library was more related to Tarkington than Rogerson.

Damn. Time to get to Law Clinic. More later.

Boston Legal Requirement

2005-09-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

I'm hiding in a study carrel in the computer lab at the back of the library. Don't tell anyone, but I snuck in a Dannon Strawberry Yogurt. (Law school is turning me into a sociopath). I think you get the death penalty if the librarian catches you eating in here. Hey, at least it would get me out of Law Clinic this afternoon. No, for some reason, I was not able to become fluent in Spanish overnight. You can tell from my post yesterday just exactly how much I suck at Spanish. I'm basically doomed.

Last night, I did learn where they keep client files and other information in the Law Clinic. Richard told me there is a law student manual somewhere in this building that will help me make sure I follow the ethical rules and do my job correctly. Of course, no one knows where that manual is at the moment. During the whole five seconds Rogerson was in the Clinic, I asked him about the manual. All he said (I mean yelled) was that the manual is NOT TO LEAVE THE LAW CLINIC. Very helpful. Then, I tried reading some of the prior case summaries to see if I could gleen some type of understanding of what I will be doing. No such luck. Clear as mud. It does appear we do more than just "Property" matters. There were cases for Landlord-Tenant issues (which, I guess, is considered a property law matter?). We also apparently do Will stuff and Probate stuff. Now that I think about it, perhaps those would be considered property matters as well. Duh. Add Property Law to the list of things I need to learn overnight.

In Intellectual Property (which is also a property matter), we actually FINALLY finished Trademarks and Domain Names! I was stunned because we were predicting that we would never escape the bounds of Trademarks. Now, we are on to Copyrights. Professor Matthews is not finished with being strange, though. This morning, she actually cited last nights episode of Boston Legal as a legal reference. That is similar to saying: "Well, the court on L.A. Law determined...blah blah blah." I never thought I would see the day that a law professor would seriously quote from a tv show. Hey, maybe we can cite Boston Legal in paperwork we file with the court. What do you think the judge would do? Law school has turned out to be a completely different beast than I predicted. The main problem with Matthews quoting Boston Legal, and the subsequent discussion that took up most of the class time, is the fact I didn't get to see Boston Legal last night. I was busy driving home from Law Clinic.

I just noticed the clock, and I need to read for Rogerson's class (aka: read the study aid). As soon as I get used to Law Clinic and the terrible hours, my posts should be more organized and informative. Until then, just be glad I am not trying to write my posts in Spanish. :)

HOLA!

2005-09-27T22:52:00.000-07:00

It's later on.... what day is it? Is it really STILL Tuesday? Law Clinic was busier today, and one of the 3Ls who works there, Richard, actually took the time to show me around. I liked Richard instantly when I met him. He was sitting in one of the interview rooms when I walked in, and the first thing he said was a quote from Rogerson: "There will be NO coursework done for other classes while you are on the clock." Of course, what made it funny was the fact he was sitting there, as he said it, very obviously doing coursework for another class.

I am afraid this is going to be another brief post to this blog. Not only do I need to still prepare for Intellectual Property and Business Associations, but also I have to learn how to speak Spanish before tomorrow. Yes, Amy apparently included her ability to speak Spanish on the application to do Law Clinic, so now they are expecting me (as Amy) to be able to help with the cases where the clients only speak Spanish. I am more than happy to help the Spanish speaking clients; there is just one problem... I took three years of French. The only Spanish I know is "Donde este el bano?" and "Posso avere un'altra birra?" Thanks to the people who pointed out that the last sentence is not what I intended. How about this: "¡Otra cerveza, por favor!" (I rest my case...See how little Spanish I know?)

I wonder if they sell tapes on "How to Speak Spanish in One Easy Lesson."

Once again, I am faced with another instance where our twin-switch could possibly be exposed. I wish I could go back to counting paperclips...

Break time

2005-09-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

I am in the computer lab in the library. I have just a few minutes before I have to show up to Property Law Clinic to count more paperclips. I stayed up late last night in order to prepare for Tarkington's class this morning. So, now I am completely exhausted. I'm so tired I could actually consider lying on the floor and taking a nap, but it's too freaking cold in here. What is with the a/c today? My fingers are turning blue. It was the same way in Tarkington's class. Try holding a pen and writing notes when your fingers won't bend. Have you ever noticed that, when you are really tired, time passes more slowly? It was like DOG MINUTES (instead of dog years) in Criminal Procedure.

I have to say, there was some excitement in Crim. Pro. The "best" part of the class was when Tarkington snapped when one of the students was unprepared. (I guess being tired makes me a little sadistic as well.) For the past several classes, this particular student, Something Rutherford, has not come to class with anything but her text book. No pen. No paper. No computer. And then she never opens her book. She just sits there. She's a couple rows up from me, so it's not like she's in Tarkington's direct line of fire (like me). Still, it is pretty brazen, even by MY standards, to sit back there, arms crossed, with the book closed in front of you. I don't know why she does it, because from what I can tell, she is a pretty nice person. Well, nice for a law school student anyway.

Tarkington called on her this morning to answer a question about traffic stops, and Something Rutherford actually laughed, shrugged her shoulders, and made the "I don't know" noise: Mmm-Mm-m. I don't know if Tarkington has spoken to Rutherford prior to today, but for some reason Tarkington didn't have his usual reaction to unprepared students. He didn't just calmly jot something on the paper on top of the podium and then move on. Instead, he said, albeit calmly, "Get out." And Rutherford just SAT THERE! It was bizarre. Tarkington then said something like, "Ms. Rutherford, you NEED to LEAVE my classroom," and his tone implied an "or else..." threat. Rutherford stared at Tarkington, leaned forward for a moment, and then stood up. She picked up her book and mumbled something I couldn't hear, but apparently Tarkington could. When Rutherford walked out of the room, Tarkington rushed to the door like he was chasing her. A few minutes later, Tarkington came back and continued with class like nothing had happened. Of course, we are all speculating that Tarkington hit her or something, which is unlikely. I'm dying of curiosity though.

I can't feel my fingers. My ears are numb now too. My lips are probably purple. Purple lips with lipgloss on them. You know that's attractive. I should probably go anyway. Maybe I'll head outside for a few minutes to thaw out.

I wish I didn't have to go to Property Law Clinic...

A Quickie

2005-09-26T21:46:00.000-07:00

I just got home and still have to go read for Tarkington's class tomorrow, but I want to give you at least a quick summary of my first day in Property Law Clinic... No phone calls. No walk-ins. No lawyers. No doing homework while we're "on the clock." And instructions not to call Rogerson unless there is an "emergency."

I can officially report there are exactly 327 colored and 123 metal paper clips in the blue paperclip-holder-thingy on the student workdesk. (All connected together, thanks to moi.)

All in all, obviously, a fine quality educational experience.

Out Came The Sun

2005-09-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

There appears to be something different about today. Yes, these are the same old, boring, law books on the table in front of me... Same beach house. Same smelly dog Booger licking his...er...himself. It's something outside, up in the sky... what is that big, yellow-orange, bright, hot thing? Could it be the SUN? I have heard the elders speak of folklore regarding a bright spot in the atmosphere, but who would have ever guessed I could witness it first hand? Especially when it has been raining for so long. I may actually have to put on sunscreen this afternoon. Of course, it is still 94 degrees with a GAZillion percent humidity...

When it starts getting colder up north, that is when I will really enjoy the twin switch. Let Amy have the snow and dreary gray days, and I'll take the warm ocean breezes and 70 degrees in the winter time. Since we didn't think the twin switch would last this long, I wonder if Amy even has her colder clothing with her? Why am I even asking that. She'll just wear MY stuff, like she always does when she has access to my clothes.

As you can probably tell, I am procrastinating. I have to read for Intellectual Property and Business Associations, and I am just not in the mood for it. Even with the study aids, I know I'll be spending the next 5 or 6 hours trying to translate this legalese into something closer to English. The study aids are as big as the textbook. I feel like those kids in high school who had the Cliff's Notes to the literature books but didn't even bother to read the Cliff's Notes because they were too long. What I need are the Cliff's Notes for the Study Aids! I should invent something like that. In my spare time. Especially since Professor Rogerson is making me work 19 hours a week in the Property Law Clinic starting tomorrow.

There's this whole section in Business Associations on "Securities Regulation." Talk about a big snore. If we have to know that stuff, I'm switching back with Amy pronto. At least we are FINALLY off of Limited Partnerships. Rogerson jumps around throughout the assigned readings, but from the best I can tell, I think we are in Corporations now. Did you know that, until the Great Depression, shareholders generally were liable for the par value of stock held? Amazing.

Now, what Constitutional provisions protect a Corporation?

Give up?

1. The First Amendment right to free speech;
2. The First Amendment right of association; and
3. The Fourteenth right to due process.

Fifty bucks says we don't have to know that. I don't know how to apply it, so it really doesn't matter anyway.

This is what it is like when you are thrown into a second year law school class when you have no clue about, or interest in, law. It would be easier if you dropped me off in the middle of a jungle and waited to see if I can make my way out. I could then at least send smoke signals. S.O.S. I'm trapped in Business Associations HELL! Send Beer!

Wooo. Here's a real exciting case we have to read... from 1892. McArthur v. Times Printing Co. I can't stand the suspense. We can either read the entire case in the textbook and try to figure out the Issue and Rule, which could take hours, or we can look it up in the study aids. I'll race you...You wade through the quicksand of minutiae in the casebook... I'm going to look up the Issue in the study aids.

Issue: Is a corporation liable for pre-incorporation contractual obligations incurred by its promoters?

What do you think? Now, remember, this is 1892... (Why does that matter? I have no idea.)

I guess YES. What is your guess?

Flip...flip...flip... (flipping ahead in the study aid to find the Rule):

Humm. It looks like the answer is MAYBE.

That seems to happen a lot in these cases. It turns on the facts. How are you doing with the textbook reading? Here is the Rule from the study aid, since I know you are dying to hear it:

Rule: Where the contract at issue is one that the corporation itself could make and one which the usual agents of the company have express or implied authority to make, adoption of the contractual obligations by the corporation may be inferred through its knowledge of, and acquiescence to, the contract, without any requirement of formal action by its board of directors.

Hey, good to know.

One thing I have learned is when the professor calls on you, don't worry about having the Rule in your own words. Most of the time, the professors want to hear exactly what was stated in the case for the Rule. Unfortunately, if you have Tarkington (as I learned the hard way), he will likely then ask you what that means in simple terms. Because you never know when you may need to be able to explain it to your five year-old clients.

Okay, so what have we learned so far? That we need a nap? That we hear Charlie's kids outside heading for the beach and want to go join them? That Booger wants to go swimming? That I'd rather be doing anything else in the whole world than studying Business Associations?

The next step is to take the Issue and Rule we found in the study aids, and then find where those are in the actual case in our textbook. From there, we get to dissect the rest of the case. I should probably do this on my own. I know, it's rude of me not to include my blog readers in my study rituals. Maybe in a little while when I shift gears to Intellectual Property I'll let you join in. But right now, you go on outside and have some fun while the sun is out. I'll be here.

Saturday

2005-09-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ready to go eat with Vickie and Beth and then see if we can find a movie to go to. Vickie and Beth are in the other 2L section at school, but they've been friends with Amy since last year. Beth is married with kids, and I am so impressed with her ability to organize everything. Saturday night (or sometimes Friday) is her "official" night off, so she's pretty desperate to go out and forget about her responsibilities. Vickie is just the opposite. She wants to analyze anything and everything and discuss cases they covered this week. Besides Vickie, I can't think of anyone who actually discusses class content outside of the classroom. Weird. Up until this experiment, I always thought law students talked about law all the time. What they really talk about is law SCHOOL and how much it sucks.

It seems odd not to be going to, returning from, or planning to go to a fish-fry this weekend. I ran into Ricky this afternoon when he came over to ask if he can park his truck under my house (it's still raining). He said Charlie hasn't been out on the shrimp boats as much lately. The hurricanes are taking their toll on the fishing industry. I'm guessing the worry is the fish and shrimp may not be healthy to eat. So, in any event, there isn't fish to have a fish-fry. I was tempted to ask about the brisket, but decided not to. Things are awfully quiet around here when the neighbors and Charlie's kids aren't hanging out and preparing for the fish-fry.

The tide here is visibly higher, but other than that and the (never ending) rain, we have been lucky not to be a part of the current hurricane and its aftermath. You have no idea how much I wish I was back home in my nice safe, dry condo, far away from winds and rain.

I haven't heard from Amy about her date last night. I'm hoping she is really careful. Robert and I worked in the neuropsychology lab the same semester last year, and every so often I would also run into him when a group of us would go out for drinks. While we are not real close, or even really "friends," there is still plenty of room for concern if he spends too much time with Amy. What if he tries to discuss something from his research? If nothing else, he is bound to find it interesting that all-of-the-sudden "Ashley" doesn't drink... I probably should have told Amy early-on that I was sort of interested in Robert. I just didn't think it was necessary since we AGREED we wouldn't date anyone during the twin-switch.

I just noticed the time. I guess I should go change clothes and figure out something to do with my hair since Vick and Beth with be here soon...

I'm Not Complaining

2005-09-23T19:06:00.000-07:00

I was about to complain about the email I got from Amy, but it's really hard to complain about anything when I know those poor folks in Texas are facing a horrible hurricane. And Louisiana again. We are all learning a geography lesson about those little towns along the coast. Who out there had ever heard of Port Arthur or Sabine Lake before today? I just hope they get those people off the highways. Now I know why Charlie always makes people leave early for the evacuations. I know the storm has shifted somewhat, and the Houston people may be a little ticked they left when they may not have had to. But I can tell them from experience from when we did this a few weeks ago... Better safe than sorry, and there is no greater feeling than returning home and finding your house still standing where you left it.

I was out on the deck when the tide started coming in earlier, and it seems that even here the tide is higher. What is with the hurricanes? Some guy in Intellectual Property today said there is a "Hurricane Machine" that makes hurricanes stronger. There was actually a debate over who would have control over this machine: some people say Bush, while others say Osama. Yes, this is what the great legal scholars are discussing these days. In preparation for this twin switch and attending law school, I read One-L by Scott Turow, and how he said in law school you won't have time to read a newspaper. I remembered this today as I watched people fighting over the cross-words section of the newspaper in the minutes before Rogerson's class. Not only is there time to read a newspaper, but there is time to pass it around the law school classroom and fight over it.

Not me, though. I was busy reading my notes to make sure I was prepared for Business Associations. Ironic, isn't it, that I am probably the student who spends the most time studying and preparing for these courses...And I'm not even really in the class.

After Business Associations was over, I dreaded speaking to Rogerson. I made my way up to the podium and had to sit through him shreading another student before he got to me. I told him there are not enough hours in the day for me to work 19 hours in the Property Law Clinic. He said he's expecting to see me in Law Clinic right after this class on Monday. SOB. I told him fine, but there is no way I can do 19 hours. He said he'd see me on Monday. What an ass. I cannot stand that guy. I wanted to scream "I'M ASHLEY! I'M NOT AMY! BUST ME NOW!" But I didn't.

I got an email from Amy last night in response to one I sent her about my talk with Tarkington. She was actually mad that I said anything to Tarkington at all ("what part of 'stay off the radar' do you not understand?") and told me again I need to just look busy and keep my head down. She didn't even seem upset that the deans have made up a complaint to have the meeting. She wasn't even surprised. What am I missing here? She still wouldn't tell me what happened between her and the administration last year. My curiousity is killing me.

She did give me some other news... She told me she has a date tonight. We agreed before this started that we wouldn't date people because she's pretending to be ME and I'm pretending to be HER--so who would the guy think they are with? Not only is she dating someone, she is dating someone from my school and someone I know and someone I actually sort of like myself. Part of me thinks it is just a matter of time before she tells him who she really is. I can't believe she's going to risk blowing this over a GUY.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting at home on ANOTHER Friday night. Alone, watching it rain and the waves get higher, with soggy Booger, the smelly dog as my only company. I know, I shouldn't gripe when bigger more important things are going on. I'm still ticked though.

A Blip On the Radar

2005-09-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't have. I know Amy told me not to. But I did it anyway. I talked to Tarkington. I didn't go by his office. I just waited until after class and approached him at the podium like it was no big deal. I'm sorry, but I just had to know why he would make such a false accusation against me. He didn't call on me during class, and so I had time to sit there and stew over this. I have been studying extra hard for my classes and attempting to "stay off the radar," and it really makes me mad I'm have to do this. The study aids help me understand the organization of a case, but professors like Rogerson and Tarkington ask questions beyond what is in the study aids. I'm finally catching on to how to look for the answers, though. I can "synthesize" cases and "distinguish" cases, and I can take one case and guess how a court in another case would rule on it. I'm not right half the time, but at least I'm learning the drill. And it makes me really mad. I should not have to work this hard.

I'm putting in hours and hours every night. If I am supposed to work 19 hours in the Property Law Clinic, things will get even worse. Then I feel bad because I know that thousands of people are fleeing for their lives at this very moment because of Rita; how selfish of me to be angry about petty things like having to read cases. I thought I would feel better if I did the "healthy" thing and had a discussion with Tarkington. I am not going to subject myself to the law school abuse. I don't have to put up with it, right?

So, very casually, I approached Tarkington after class this morning. Like it was an "Oh, yeah, by the way, I just thought of this..."-kind of moment. He looked over at me after the previous student walked off. He smiled, so I took it that he wasn't angry or anything. All in one sentence and in one breath, I said something like, "I just wanted to apologize for coming to class sick last week because Dean Murray mentioned you had complained and I just wanted you to know I had a cold, or something, but I still wanted to make it to your class..." His reaction surprised me. He said, "No problem," and that I wasn't the only one who has been sick. He told me he wasn't "complaining"; he just mentioned people were "sick and missing classes...or coming to class sick like you." He added: "You can't help it if you get sick. Just don't give it to me." I half-laughed and acted like I must have just misunderstood Dean Murray. It was all no big deal. (Geez, am I glad I didn't storm into his office and raise hell.)

So what the heck is the deal with Dean Murray? Unless Tarkington is lying (which I doubt), he didn't file a complaint. And, I had a feeling he wouldn't do that. Especially without talking to a student first. Dean Murray knew I was sick. What was the deal with the "drinking problem"? Threatening to call the State Bar Association or whatever. Causing me tremendous anxiety and making me miss parts of the new episode of LOST last night because I was worrying about this...

I feel better that Tarkington doesn't think I have a drinking problem, but I am really pissed off at the administration at the law school. Isn't that libel or slander or something? (I need to remind myself that I can't ask that to anyone at school, because I am guessing we law students should already know the answer.) I have to give Dean Murray and Dean Greene credit because they sure surprised me. I've never heard of administrators acting like this. I thought their role was to help foster students' educations. How is this helping the educational process? I emailed Amy, and I can't wait to hear what she thinks.

Go Away Rita

2005-09-21T16:13:00.000-07:00

My computer is acting up for some reason... It's not storm or hurricane related, so don't worry. It's just an old laptop. Hurricane Rita is a level 5 hurricane now, and CNN keeps showing the "worst case" map of Galveston and Houston. I am even more geographically-challenged than I thought, because I thought Houston was farther inland than it is. The highways look like a big parking lot. That could be us. I feel really bad about Texas, but I am relieved to hear the hurricane may likely miss us. Everyone is watching Rita closely to see what is going to happen, but as of right now we are not evacuating.

Intellectual Property was a little better today. Professor Matthews's overhead projector finally bought the farm, so we're back to being in law school now instead of 6th grade. We're subjected to Socratic questioning again--only Matthews' special version of it. She still calls on the first person she sees to answer a question. It is starting to remind me of Rogerson's BA class with the way everyone lowers their head in unison when she is about to call on someone. She is also walking around the room and peeking over the shoulders of the students. It has been making people like Michele mad, who are busy shopping online for their fall wardrobes or playing FreeCell and have to hit "Alt+Tab" real fast to not get caught. It's sad to think students have all but given up on this professor, but since she's been, basically, just reading information from the text to us, I can't really blame them. The guys two rows behind us have been watching the First Season of "LOST" on DVD that just came out, thanks to one of the guy's swanky laptop. I'm sure they are less than thrilled with Matthews making her rounds. I can't believe how brazen some students are! ;)

Speaking of brazen, in between classes I was so tempted to go talk to Professor Tarkington. I don't know how much good it would do, though, except it would allow me to stand up for myself. I am so sick of professors and administrators bullying students. Makes me wonder what would happen if people in the outside world heard about what really goes on in this law school. Are all law schools like this?

Rogerson's class was basically...Rogerson's class. His language has gotten more "colorful" though. Amy warned me this would happen. Michele, Astrid, and I have a bet going to see how long it takes before he actually uses the "F-" word. Today, he said "GD" and you could hear some of the students protesting under their breath. Me included. Rogerson is still playing "Guess the Entity," and it seems the entire purpose is just to confuse us all. It's the Taxation stuff that is the most frustrating. What is "K" taxation? I started wondering if Business Associations is intended to be taken after students take the Tax course, but then I remember Amy telling me BA was required this semester. So, no one has had Tax yet, except for maybe some of the smarties who know tax from their businesses or from prior school. I've pretty much decided it is time to find a new study aid that includes taxation of business entities. Otherwise, it will be like Algebra all over again, with taxation slipping into the math-blackhole of my mind, and never coming together to make sense.

After class, Rogerson called me over to the podium and stood there with a pen in his hand, like he was ready to write down my schedule for law clinic. I told him I didn't think there was any way I could squeeze in 19 hours. He told me I have until Friday to give him a schedule, or he will squeeze in the hours for me. Grrrr.

Hurricane Rita is really stressing me out, and add in Rogerson, and I just want to scream.

What? No Fish-Fry?

2005-09-20T13:32:00.000-07:00

Charlie came over last night to let me know there is a chance we will be evacuating again. This time it is Hurricane Rita instead of Katrina. Once again, we don't know exactly what the hurricane will do, and we may have to get out just in case. If it heads this direction, the Ferrys will close, and we'll be stuck in the gridlock. There doesn't seem to be as much warning this time. No fish-fry. No watching party. No hurricane songs. Charlie and the neighbors are pulling out the plywood for the windows and doors again, but they haven't started actually putting it up yet. I'm organizing my stuff in case I have to pack quickly. I had to laugh because some of Amy's dishes are still packed away in the closet from last time.

I talked to Amy last night about what happened yesterday. Specifically, I wanted to know what her history is with Dean Greene and Dean Murray. She said that telling me would compromise the twin switch because I would likely alter my behavior. Okay...but isn't paranoia going to alter my behavior, anyway? Amy did tell me the Deans' conduct was not that unusual. She didn't even seem that surprised when I told her the reason for the meeting. Apparently, the speech Murray gave me is given regularly to other students, although we both agree there was no reason to justify giving the speech to me. Amy says the philosophy at the law school seems to be "Fire...Ready, Aim," rather than "Ready, Aim, Fire..." And, get this, they really do expect us (the law students) to treat administrators and faculty like judges, which means we are supposed to be respectful and stop talking the second they say anything. Who knew? I still think it makes for "mamsy-pamsy" lawyers (to steal a quote from Boston Legal). The only advice Amy had for me was to "get off the radar." Keep my head down and look busy. Great...It's not as easy as it sounds, believe me.

This morning, in Professor Tarkington's Criminal Procedure class, I tried not to look up at him. I am still ticked off at the idea he "filed a compalint" about me, but I am not going to go talk to him just yet. Doing a RAMBO on his office probably doesn't fall into the "stay off the radar" category. Tarkington didn't call on me this morning, thankfully. Highlighter Guy is getting more and more nervous as Tarkington's list of targets seems to be moving closer to him.

The biggest concern I have right now is getting everything stuffed into that jeep again if we have to evacuate. When we did this for Katrina, I just followed along and basically winged it. This time, I want to help and get more involved. One of Charlie's friends has a brand new ATV Four-Wheeler (it looks like an expensive lawn mower to me. ;)). He doesn't know what to do with the ATV if we evacuate. They can't leave it under the house because of the likelihood of flooding. Someone suggested putting it upstairs under a tarp or seeing if they can get it in one of the houses. Charlie's deck has too narrow of an opening since they put the child safety gate on it. They considered the deck on my house, since it has a wide staircase (I can't imagine watching them get a Four-Wheeler up the stairs), but leaving it sitting on my deck probably isn't a good idea. Why not just put a sign on it that says, "Free ATV. Help yourself!" Because there are two sliding glass doors running parallel to each other, the ATV won't fit through them to put it inside Amy's house. There's another funny image: an ATV in the middle of the livingroom... I think it has been determined that boats are more important to get out, but I'm still guessing that someone will end up pulling the ATV.

We're all waiting for someone (Charlie?) to make the official call to go. The current prediction is the hurricane is headed for the Texas coast. If we could only be sure, then maybe we could stay. With all the hurricane evacuations, how do kids keep up with their school? I'm impressed with how well everyone is taking this in stride. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it.

Inferences of Impropriety

2005-09-19T17:17:00.000-07:00

I should have included "LAUGH" as one of the options for a response to Dean Murray. Of course, by the time I actually got to the 11:30 meeting, I was so convinced I was caught that I might as well have just introduced myself as Ashley. It was torture trying to get through Intellectual Property. I was actually sad, and it makes you wonder if I would miss sitting in the dark watching Professor Matthews play with Trademark transparencies on her overhead projector. The place starts to grow on you after awhile, and I'm not sure I'm really ready for my law school career to be over yet.

Having to go to that meeting felt worse than having to go to the dentist. It felt like I was back in grade school, and I was having to go see the principal. Not much difference. They always make you wait, even when you are there on time. (Have you ever noticed how much nicer the carpet always is in the administrative offices than in the rest of the school?) I looked over the admissions brochures for the law school while I waited. I can't believe the hoops they make you jump through just to get into law school. Tell me again why people put themselves through this?

The school marm-secretary finally told me "they" were waiting for me in Dean Greene's office. I think Dean Greene is THE Dean of the law school. He and who must have been Dean Murray were seated behind a large desk when I went in. Dean Murray thanked me for coming and opened a thick file that was in front of her. Dean Greene had a white legal pad in front of him with an expensive pen lying on top of it. It was the principal's office all right, all over again.

After exchanging the standard pleasantries, Dean Murray jumped right in. I just held my breath. She said I probably knew why they had called the meeting. I said nothing, though a list went through my mind. In an accusatory tone, Dean Murray stated: "We need to address your drinking problem."

Drinking problem?

What the hell? My first thought was how can drinking a few sips of beer every other weekend at Charlie's be considered a drinking problem? Then I remembered I am "Amy." Amy doesn't drink. Ever. It didn't make any sense (and it still doesn't). But you should have seen the deadly serious looks on the Deans' faces. I couldn't help it...I started laughing. I felt extremely relieved as it occurred to me I wasn't busted for switching places with Amy. Drinking problem? Don't forget the drug problem I have since I tried to score some cold medicine the other day...

Dean Murray reminded me this was a "very serious matter." She pushed a light blue packet of paper towards me that had "Academic Standards" written on it. She then proceeded to tell me about the rules governing alcohol problems...How, as law students, we are treated like lawyers and expected to act like lawyers... Something about avoiding an "inference of impropriety." She continued with her speech by telling me about their "duty" to report this to the State Bar, and apparently there is some kind of "Declaration" to study law that I will have to "amend."

I finally interrupted Dean Murray to ask her what the heck she was talking about. What drinking problem? What was this based on? She told me there had been a "complaint filed" against me regarding my "condition" last week. Apparently, for SOME reason, I came to class with "glassy eyes that were bloodshot" and my behavior and unsteady gait were "clear indications" I was intoxicated.

I think I said "Oh sh**," under my breath before I could stop myself. They were actually having a formal meeting to confront me about my cold and the Nyquil I took just to make it through my class last week. Wow, better call the State Bar about that... I calmly suggested that they were wrong, I do not have a drinking problem, and I challenged them to find one person in the whole school who has ever seen me drink. Dean Murray nodded and said she had been informed of that. She had been informed that I (Amy) never drink, but she chose to accuse me anyway? She explained that it was her job to investigate it, even though she knew I didn't believe in drinking. I confronted her about the word "investigate" and how they, instead, took a leap straight to finding me guilty.

I pushed the blue manual back toward Dean Murray and asked her to please show me where it says students aren't permitted on campus if they have a cold. I also asked her to show me where it says in the manual that students aren't permitted to take cough or cold medicine such as Nyquil before coming to class. I mentioned that they should be [damn] glad I came to class at all when I was sick...and commend me for my committment towards my legal education, rather than accusing me of something I did not do. Dean Murray actually acknowledged that she had also heard I had been sick. Yet, they still chose to accuse me of having a "drinking problem"?

The meeting did not end particularly well. I asked who it was who "filed a complaint" about me, and since she "invesitgated" it by talking to people, I insisted that she clear my name (or, rather, Amy's name). I was surprised when Dean Greene then actually spoke. He told me he was worried about my "attitude" and said they had spoken to me about it before. He informed me that, as law students, who are still expected to be like lawyers, we are to treat the administrators and faculty as "judges." I was amazingly quite calm. I wanted to ask him if lawyers are expected to be quiet and not defend clients? To let whatever is said, no matter how inaccurrate, be the final word? Are they teaching law students how to cower rather than how to be aggressive? Instead, I just asked how I am supposed to defend clients if I can't be allowed to defend myself. I didn't receive any answer to that question. I did, however, recognize the looks of disappointment on the Deans' faces. It was the same look Rogerson always gives students... The "You Will Never Make It As A Lawyer" look.

I asked if it was a student who filed the complaint, and Dean Murray shook her head. A professor? Rogerson? No, I don't think I saw him that Nyquil day. Although, I guess it could have been last Monday, when I first got my cold and was sick in his class. She told me the professor reported it because he "cares" about his students. Cares, huh? That eliminates Rogerson. Tarkington? That would mean while I was staring at him and noticing how pretty his green eyes were, Professor Tarkington was noticing how blood-shot and glassy mine were... When I asked if it was Tarkington, Dean Murray said it would be "inappropriate" for me to talk to him about it. I took that as a yes, it was Tarkington. It's still hard to believe he made such a false accusation against me.

I was pretty ticked off when I went to Rogerson's class, and for once, it wasn't at Rogerson. Here, I thought Tarkington was a pretty decent guy. It really surprises me that he reported me to the Dean and said I have a drinking problem, especially without even talking to me. I still want to go talk to him about it. Maybe after class tomorrow.

On the bright side, at least we are not busted! :o)

Planning Plan B

2005-09-18T17:20:00.000-07:00

Amy is safely on a plane back to my home to resume the twin-switch as "Ashley." Before she left, we sat down and devised a plan (or tried to) on how I should handle the Associate Dean tomorrow in the event she has figured out I'm not really "Amy." Associate Dean Murray (or just "Dean Murray" as the students call her) has been in her position for over 10 years, and she is well-respected by the faculty. What about the students? Amy says she doesn't know any student who actually "likes" her. Dean Murray also teaches Constitutional Law and the History of Law classes. Talk about a big snore.

Amy and I have discussed the worst possible outcome, and we are calling it "Plan B." In the event we are busted and they are on to us, we've come up with several responses:

Response #1: Deny, Deny, Deny
Response #2: Play dumb
Response #3: Ask to have an attorney present during questioning
Response #4: Act really pissed off, like "You mean to tell me that if twins switched places, no one at this school would notice for a MONTH? What kind of school is THIS?"
Response: #5: Claim they are mistaken, and tell them I've been sick, depressed, my boyfriend broke up with me, my dog died (see #1 above)
Response #6: Whatever happens, don't admit to anything and get out of there as soon as possible.

Any other suggestions?

I think it's just another situation that I just need to sit still and be quiet. You know how good I am at that. ;o) Since the meeting is at 11:30, I will still have Rogerson's Business Associations class to go to afterwards. If the meeting doesn't go well, and yet they actually allow me to stay in the building, I will likely come on back here anyway and get ahold of Amy. No reason to top off the day by having to sit through Rogerson's class and then have to fight with him about the 19 hours per week he wants "Amy" to work in Law Clinic. One battle at a time.

Amy and I are still hopeful that Dean Murray wants to see me--I mean "Amy"--for some reason other than to bust us, like to ask about the schedule for Property Law Clinic, or something. I am not looking forward to that meeting.

They can't arrest me or anything, can they?

What's In A Name

2005-09-17T16:37:00.000-07:00

I am going over some examples about the dynamics of twin relationships that are helpful for my research. One of the biggest challenges twins must face is dealing with the "dehumanization" that occurs when people don't know "which one" you are and don't seem to care. It happens all the time and in all types of situations. School is the most obvious locale. The majority of the students knew us from Kindergarten on up through high school, and yet the teachers and students (besides our best friends) still referred to us as "the Morrighan twins" or "one of the Morrighan twins" or "Amy-Ashley, whichever you are." It sends a clear message to twins that the person really doesn't care enough about them and is choosing to dismiss the twins as a "group" rather than thinking about them as individuals.

Sometimes twins resort to staking out their territory, picking friends who are willing to be friends with just one of them. When twins are young, you may hear comments from one twin to the other, such as "stop trying to steal my friends away." This has to be really hard on parents when it is left to them to fix the problem. The typical answer, and probably the most healthy one, is for parents to tell the twins they should enourage people to be friends with both of them. The alternative is to tell one twin to stay away from the other twin's friends, which causes even more problems when the friends start indicating an interest in being friends with the other one. The result is feelings get hurt, twins sometimes can end up alienating the friend altogether, or the twins can end up resenting one another.

Amy and I faced the same issue about friends, over and over again. And, because we do have individual interests as well as similarities, maybe it should be little wonder that friends would often switch back and forth between which twin they "liked best." In an attempt to individualize us, which is what we needed (and still need), friends often will pick individual traits that don't actually exist, or they will polarize their feelings to decide which one is the one they want to be friends with and which one they don't. It's like you can't win either way: considering us together as one entity is offensive and causes identity problems, but so does trying to make us absolutely distinct from each other. Whether it is people we know, or even people who are just meeting us, it seems common for people to want to make it a black or white situation.

"Which one is the nice one?"
"Which one is the smart one?"
"Which one is the funny one?"
"Which one is good with computers?"
"Which one likes to swim?"
"Which one is the one with all the boyfriends?"
"Which one is the one good with babies?"
"Which one is the one good at sports?"
"Which one is the evil twin?"

What happens is that, when you identify one twin as having one quality, the other twin automatically is determined to be a failure in that area. Most of the time, the twins have strengths in all categories, and picking the "better" one (though it helps in determining who is who) can be very hurtful on several levels. (And if you ask questions like that in front of twins, often the twins themselves will fight over the answer.)

Even as adults, you will still find "allegiances" to one twin or the other when it comes to friendships. Additionally, when it comes to guys, I will admit, we are somewhat territorial. (A note to the guys out there: we have divided the world into two pieces. I get half of you all, and Amy gets the other half.) It is like who "calls it" first or who meets the guy first. And if that guy shows interest in the other one, watch out. Isn't it funny that it still happens even though we are adults?

The current twin-switch has been very revealing, more so than I anticipated. Although in theory I knew it was true, I am now noticing how people can still care about a twin even when they don't know which one they are. You'd think after 27 years I would have realized this by now. But, with such strong reactions from people all my life when they say, "Amy? Oh, Ashley. Whatever," and when they will go out of their way to act like their frustration with knowing us individually outweighs any possible benefit, of course we are going to get the impression that people don't care.

When Amy and I went over to Charlie's last night, Amy and I were both concerned we would blow our cover and the twin switch would be revealed. We actually practiced calling each other the other twin's name. These people have been with me almost every day for a month. I've spent the night with them at their relative's home during the hurricane evacuation. I've spent hours watching the kids and cutting apples incorrectly. And I've spent hours hanging out with all of them. During this whole time, they have thought I am Amy. Now with Amy showing up, I would have predicted that people would compare and contrast us.

Charlie's family and all the neighbors greeted both of us, and although they probably didn't know which twin was which, they seemed to truly value each of us. I thought for sure the kids would recognize Amy right away. They did run to her and give her big hugs, and she was excited to see them (even though I warned her that, as "Ashley", she's not supposed to know them that well). The kids don't care what her name is. They were genuinely happy to see her and be around her. They were also happy to see me and be around me. The kids have no idea what is going on or which twin is which.

Charlie knows about the twin-switch, and even he has reinforced that it doesn't matter which one we are. He sincerely cares about both of us. Only when Amy and I starting talking to him about some of our experiences did he start thinking about which one was which twin. So, I am beginning to see that perhaps Amy and I bring it on ourselves by creating situations where we make people distinguish us. I am going into even more analysis for my dissertation, but this should give you an idea of how helpful the switch has been.

By the way, when Amy and I were talking to Charlie and his friends last night, Charlie told Amy about the nude beach fiasco. I recall the topic of the nude beach originally came up around the time Amy left a month ago. Amy had said she knew the beach was there, but (like everyone else) she had never seen it. She should have known I would go see for myself if it actually existed. Basically, Charlie's comments went something like this...

"Your sister went to find the nude beach."

"And she got stuck."

"And she had to be rescued by a bunch of old naked guys."

Amy laughed her ass off and literally almost fell out of her chair. The way Charlie tells it makes it even more funny. Amy and the neighbors went on and on about it and how silly I am for offroading in a maroon Windstar Minivan and getting stuck at the nude beach. Somewhere during Amy's laughing and teasing me, I leaned over to her and said, "And, which twin do these people think was the one to go out there?" Amy paused for a moment while she realized everyone thinks "AMY" was the one who got stuck at the nude beach. Then she started laughing even harder. The story about the nude beach continues to spread with HER being the one that did it, not me. :o)

Surprise, surprise, Charlie is having another fish-fry tonight, and Amy has just finished cooking side dishes for us to take. Just wait till I tell her how I've recently established that "Amy" doesn't cook anymore...

Longest Day of My Life

2005-09-16T16:57:00.000-07:00

It was so funny watching Amy leave this morning for law school. She put on her ballcap with the law school logo on the front, grabbed my backpack with the law books and Highlighter Guy's recorder inside, and jumped in her jeep. She had the joy of waiting in the line for the Ferry. I could just picture her parking in the school lot and running up the stairs to get to Intellectual Property. How she kept from bursting out laughing when she heard Professor Matthews's voice for the first time is beyond me.

It was a really really long day for me. I felt anxiety as strongly as I would have felt if it had been me today walking in that law school building. I told Amy to call me if anything bad happened, and I took it as a good sign when she didn't call. In a way, I felt better--not only physically with my cold, but emotionally--because Amy is here and going through this with me. I think part of the reason I got sick is because I have been sooo stressed. And, being in law school, I have never felt so alone and "disconnected" from the human race. Everyone there is completely driven to just survive, which means few people take the time to foster relationships, even friendships. Not to mention that everyone is RUDE, but that goes without saying, since it is, in fact, a law school full of baby lawyers.

Charlie has been really great, but even he and his flock of relatives are actually strangers to me. No one really knows ME or even cares to get to know me. That is how it feels anyway. I am so glad Amy is home.

When Amy got back from class, we headed over to the beach in the light rain, and I made her tell me every detail. She said the nickname I call him made it impossible for her to look over at Hightlighter Guy today because it made her laugh when she could hear him clicking the lids to the different highlighters as he colored in his book. Surprisingly, she complimented me on my ability to "book brief." There is, apparently, a "skill" to being able to brief cases in the margins of the actual casebook. (Of course, it helps a little when you have a Study Aid explaining everything ahead of time, so all you have to do is circle and draw arrows to stuff. :)) Yes, Amy thought Professor Matthews was a riot, and she said I pegged her right on when I was doing impressions of her last night. She didn't get called on in Intellectual Property because Matthews called on the same six students like she always does when she's using the overhead projector.

During the break between Intellectual Property and Business Associations, Amy went to the lounge and hung out with Scott and Dan and some other people I have forgotten their names. Not that I know who Scott and Dan are either. She said she had planned on just being quiet, but she ended up chatting as she always has. There's something we definitely share: neither of us can keep quiet very long. She saw Beth and Vickie only briefly while she was eating lunch. Thankfully, it wasn't long enough for them to mention to Amy that she no longer supports George Bush... That's another one of those little details I haven't mentioned to Amy. I am also lucky that Michele didn't say anything about the study group, and Amy didn't ask. I am guessing Michele was too busy shopping online to worry about anything else.

Amy said she felt sick when she was walking into Business Associations. Not sick as in my cold type of sick, but sick because she absolutely cannot stand that guy. I asked her how in the hell she ended up in another class with him when she hated his Civil Procedure class last semester and ended up with a D. It turns out that, since Business Associations is a required course, the school assigned students to certain professors. Amy says they had to do that because, if left to decide on their own, no student would voluntarily pick to take a class with Rogerson.

Rogerson, thankfully, did not call on Amy either. She told me about the humiliation another girl, Johanna, had to endure when she was asked the difference between a Limited Partnership and a Limited Liability Limited Partnership. Amy's blood seems to boil even more than mine when she talks about Rogerson and how abusive he can be. Makes me really wonder what happened when she took Rogerson's class last year. Was he really horrible to her? When I've asked her, she always says she thinks it is better if she doesn't tell me. It might change the way I interact with him, which would compromise our experiment. Rats. Now, you know I am dying of curiosity.

Amy told me she approached Rogerson at the podium after class to ask him about the Property Law Clinic schedule. She had to wait to meet with him until he finished belittling the students who had questions about the material covered in class. When she met him in his office, she said he was particularly cold (she asked me if anything had happened recently to cause him to increase his level of hatefulness). According to Amy, he said she--meaning me, will have to work 19 hours a week in Property Law Clinic. Nooo freakin' way is that going to happen! Amy said she argued with him, but that he insists she has to work the 19 hours a week if she wants 2 hours of academic credit for the clinic. It sounded, by the way she was talking, that he actually threatened her. Amy told him she would have to look over her schedule and would get back with him. Great. Now I have to go fight with him about the 19 hours. I thought that only 60 hours were required over the course of the entire semester?

At least Amy was able to get the paperwork signed and do the "oath" of confidentiality. She said Rogerson didn't seem to notice anything different about her. This is especially important because of what happened while she was in his office fighting with him. Unfortunately, during her frustration, she took her hat off of her head and flipped her hair out with her fingers. It's a nervous habit we both seem to have...playing with our hair when we are agitated. Amy was thrilled that Rogerson didn't react to it or say anything, and she is convinced she pulled it off. Me, I am not so sure. When he sees "Amy" (meaning me) on Monday with longer hair, that is when he will notice.

There was only one other obstacle that happened today. Amy checked her school mailbox and found a note from the Dean's Office. The Associate Dean wants to meet with "Amy" on Monday at 11:30. It didn't say why. Given the number of notices I received in the last few weeks about filling out the paperwork for Law Clinic, Amy and I are hopeful the Associate Dean wants a meeting to discuss why the paperwork had not been filled out yet. (Amy got the Dean-notice before she signed the paperwork with Rogerson.) Nevertheless, I think in our heart of hearts, Amy and I both know this could be a sign that we are busted.

Amy had to deal with the hell today, and I guess it will be up to me to deal with it on Monday. I'll give you more details later. Right now, Amy is wanting us to go over to Charlie's. We've rehearsed having her call me "Amy" and me call her "Ashley." This should be fun.

Amy Is Home

2005-09-15T21:10:00.000-07:00

It's later on Thursday, and Amy arrived safe and sound. It feels like forever since she has been here. We figured it out, and really it's been about a month since she left and the whole twin switch started. We've made it much longer than we ever thought we would. I think that is worth celebrating. Yet, she and I are both stressed out about tomorrow and worried how this is going to end. Amy didn't bring all of her stuff with her, and she has a return flight back on Sunday. So, for the time being, we are still hoping the twin switch won't have to end tomorrow.

One of the first things Amy wanted to do was go over to Charlie's house next door to hug all the kids and meet the new dogs. Even though Charlie knows about the switch, all of his relatives think I have been Amy this whole time. As a result, if she wants to go over there, we agreed that she has to pretend to be "Ashley." Talk about confusing. We could easily slip (especially me in my congested haze) and call each other by the wrong name. Then the twin switch would be over anyway, because how do you explain why you call someone else your own name? We've decided to wait until tomorrow night or Saturday to go over to Charlie's. Right now we need to focus on what our options are for law school tomorrow.

Amy's hair has grown a little longer, but it is still not as long as mine is. The highlights and low lights in both of our hair is the same (same roots --haha). Basically, there are two major problems facing us for tomorrow: 1) our hair length and 2) the fact I am sick.

As for #1, the hair issue, we came up with an idea that might work. No, we can't go get my hair chopped real fast (although, I wouldn't mind going to Little Annie's Snip 'n Curl to let Little Annie know what I think of her pharmacy policies regarding cold medicine). Getting my hair cut would be cheating, because we would be doing it just to fool people instead of something we would normally do in our every day lives. (Plus, I don't want to cut my hair!) The solution lies in what Amy was wearing when she got here. Because of the high humidity and sporadic rainfall (that will never end ever ever ever), Amy was wearing a ballcap to cover up her bad hair-day. When I pointed it out to her, she told me everyone does the same thing because the humidity down here is horrible. It made me realize that I have, indeed, seen numerous people at school wearing ballcaps, especially the guys. The girls who have hair long enough usually put their hair up in a pony-tail. Or, they do both: put it up in a pony-tail and wear the hat, with the hair flopping out the little hole in the back.

Tomorrow it is supposed to be 90-something degrees with 90-something humidity. It will rain somewhere around here, so you can be sure about the humidity. Thus, Amy should wear a hat, because you know her hair will look like crap otherwise (ha ha, that's mean). When Amy sees Rogerson tomorrow afternoon to sign up for the Property Law Clinic, she'll just wear her hat and make it look like all her hair is tucked up in it. She'll be having a really bad hair day.

Regarding problem #2, the fact I am still sick--this issue is a bit harder. Rogerson will know for sure if Amy shows up feeling fine, and it really wouldn't be "right" for her to fake being sick when she isn't. We talked about me staying home, but it would still be strange for me to skip Rogerson's class and then have Amy show up to do the paperwork. So, guess what we're going to do...

Amy has decided she wants to go to the law classes tomorrow as herself.

Now, granted, she is officially a law student, however, she hasn't been to any law school classes since last May. Not only is it risky for her to show up in a class she hasn't been in, but also there's the fact she doesn't know the material. I did tell her about Highlighter Guy and how I have the tapes from the classes since I've been taping for him just in case his recorder doesn't work. She was thrilled about that. Even still, it wouldn't be something she would normally have access to. (Wouldn't you love to see Amy try to listen to and UNDERSTAND two dozen or more tapes all in one night?). By the way, just to keep things in line with the experiment, I wouldn't let Amy tell me Highlighter Guy's real name, as much as I am dying to know it. She thinks it is hilarious that I call him "Highlighter Guy."

I did tell Amy what page we are on in Intellectual Property, and I warned her about Professor Matthew's love for the overhead projector. Rogerson's class is a little harder to tell her what page we are on, since he jumps around in the reading, and anything is fair game for him to ask a question about. She's reading over the "Safeharbor" stuff for Limited Partners as we speak. I think since Rogerson called on me a week ago that I am safe from being called on again... Of course, I have said that before (about Tarkington's class), and I could not have been more wrong.

No, I haven't told Amy about Professor Tarkington's class and how I got called on twice, how I was unprepared twice, and how she lost points off her final grade twice. I think that might compromise the experiment, and she and I have already agreed that we would not tell the other about things that are going on that might influence the experiment in any way. That, and I'm not really in any big hurry to tell her she's not doing well in her best area of law.

Let's see... what all haven't I told her?

1. Being unprepared for Tarkington's class. Twice.
2. Showing up for Tarkington's class under the influence of Nyquil.
3. The fact she no longer cooks (since I told people this at the CLS meeting when I brought pizza).
4. That she now drinks (since I usually drink alcohol over at Charlie's -- yes, even beer, which I would not normally do).
5. That she uses STUDY AIDS! They are in my bag, thankfully.
6. That she got kicked out of Michele's study group (this one scares me because what if she brings it up to Michele tomorrow?). If I tell her, I am afraid she will ask why, and that will lead to an explanation about me being unprepared. Twice.

I really can't tell her anything that will have a strong impact on her because I don't want her to do anything to alter what is going on with the twin-switch. She and I talked about how important it is that we not know how things are playing out, and I am sure there are things she is doing in my life that would really freak me out. I am not looking forward to hearing her list, either.

I think Amy is really brave. It may be she doesn't have a clear idea of what she is walking into, although she did have Rogerson for Civil Procedure last year. She knows what a jerk he can be, and she can't believe he's now going to be over us--I mean, me--her--Amy, in Law Clinic. She says she will just go by his office after class and get-in-and-get-out as soon as possible. We're planning on signing up for only 4 or 5 hours per week for Law Clinic. Amy says she only has to take something like 60 hours total for the whole semester.

I've been making Amy crack up by doing Professor Matthews impressions. Just wait until Amy actually hears Matthews talk. She'll know I am not far off.

Better her than me. We are not looking forward to tomorrow.

Killer Tomatoes

2005-09-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

I still 'ave a code. That is cold-speak for I still have a cold and feel like crap. I stayed home from school this morning... I really couldn't see myself putting the law school students and faculty through another Nyquil Moment. Amy is flying in this afternoon, and her flight gets here at 4:22. If I am not feeling better, I will probably have Ricky go pick her up when he gets home from school. Either that, or she may have to rent a car. I wonder if she'll end up stuck with a minivan? Then maybe she can go offroading at the nude beach like I did.

I'm trying to figure out what details I need to fill Amy in on and which details would possibly compromise the twin-switch. I am also worried about her going to see Professor Rogerson to sign the paperwork for Property Law Clinic. If I (being Amy) am sick in his class tomorrow, won't he think it is odd if Amy then visits his office and she's fine? Maybe he'll think my illness made my hair shorter. Part of the reason I don't feel so bad about missing class today is because I know this whole ordeal will likely be over tomorrow. It's Amy I feel bad about... This could really get ugly for her up at that law school.

You know how when you are sick, you get these weird ideas and theories going through your head? Well, today I was wondering if I could sue the grocery store for not allowing me to buy cold medicine. (Like for Intentional Infliction of Congestive Distress?) Better yet, sue the government for making the stupid law in the first place. For a second, I thought about asking about that in class. But, then it hit me through my fuzzy-headed haze that the law students probably have already been taught about this kind of thing, and I would be really busted for asking something when I should already know the obvious answer.

It reminds me of that old movie, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, when the killer tomatoes are gathered around the camp fire and are eating. There is a guy pretending to be a tomato so the tomatoes won't kill him. At one point, unfortunately, the guy says something like "Can someone please pass the ketchup?" BUSTED. No tomato would ever eat ketchup.

You know you're sick when you start identifying with tomato movies. I think maybe I'll go lie down for awhile. :) I'll let you know when Amy gets here.

99 Bottles of Nyquil on the Wall...

2005-09-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

I stayed up most of the night coughing, thanks to our local cold-medicine-crime prevention laws, and I finally went to the gas station this (early) morning to see if they had any sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so I can go to law school medicine. All they had was Nyquil, and since I fit the description on the bottle, I bought it. I took some early, thinking it wouldn't affect my driving when it came time to leave for class. (Driving through spitting rain in an old jeep while under the influence of Nyquil probably is not a good thing.) Of course, the side effects of Nyquil involving sleepiness were compounded by the fact I didn't get much sleep at all last night to start with. I actually took the bottle with me, in case of an emergency coughing or sneezing spell. When I pulled in the student lot, my eyes were watering again, my headache was back, and I was having a hard time breathing. So, I took another full swig of Nyquil from their little plastic shot glass that comes with the bottle. Bleh. Tastes horrible.

So, by the time I walked into Tarkington's class, I was sleep-deprived and had ingested at least two shots of Nyquil in the previous two hours, including one within the previous 5 minutes. I am sure I am not the first person to show up for law school under the influence. In fact, I know this to be true because I have seen several of my esteemed classmates head to The Dive Bar down the street from the law school for liquid-lunches before Rogerson's class. If they can pull it off, I figured, so could I. Of course, I would likely need a nap before my drive home, but first I had to survive Tarkington's class.

All I had to do was sit still and act like I was paying attention (that, and pray Tarkington would not call on me.) Walking up to my seat between Michele and Highlighter Guy, I remember feeling dizzy and like my head was too heavy for the rest of my body. This struck me as extremely funny. I sat down in my seat and said "hi" to the people around me, followed by an (overly-loud) announcement that I had a bad cold and/or allergies. Michele gave me a look like "I can't believe you have the NERVE to come to class with a cold." She has a lot of NERVE staring like that at me, when she was, at the time, shopping on her laptop at the Outlet on Barriepace.com just as class was about to start. Sure, I can understand shopping during Intellectual Property, but never for Tarkington's class. He puts 100% effort into teaching and, dammit, he deserves some respect! At least, that is how I felt as I sat there in class this morning. For some reason, it didn't dawn on me to take my book, legal pad, and a writing instrument out of my bag... Thankfully, Highlighter Guy finally asked me if I had remembered to bring the tape recorder to tape the class for him in the event his recorder didn't work. I unpacked the recorder and the rest of my stuff just as Professor Tarkington walked into the room, at 9:30 on the dot, of course.

Amazing how much clarity Nyquil provides. I never noticed how really cute Professor Tarkington is until this morning. He does resemble a surfer-dude, with his sun bleached-blond hair and dark tan. I was trying to imagine him in shorts and...just shorts. He always looks so uncomfortable in a suit, and I am guessing he is more of a t-shirt and jeans guy. He also has noticeably green eyes. Unfortunately, I was sitting almost eye-level with him on the third row, and he caught me staring at him. For a moment I thought he was going to call on me again.

#1 Rule in Law School: Don't look up at the professor when he is deciding which student to call on.

If I take nothing else away from this experiment, I will always remember that rule. What a close call. Luckily, Professor Tarkington takes his calling on people very seriously--probably stays up nights studying the seating chart to pick his next target--so he didn't call on me. I thought I was off the hook. All I had to do was sit still and act like I was paying attention.

But, no, I couldn't do it. I wanted to participate. Granted, I had not really prepared for class since I felt like crap the night before and had to go on a wild-goose chase in search for cold medicine, but I still felt I like I wanted to contribute. I don't know if it was that I wanted Tarkington's attention, or if I was just bored, but there was no stopping me. I broke another Law School Rule.

#2 Rule in Law School: Do not make personal comments or share experiences, even if it relates directly to the subject matter.

Amy warned me about this over and over. In law school, the professor sets the topic, and you can only speak when directed to and that is to answer a question or to do a case--or to ask a really good question. Period. It doesn't matter if you have been in the exact situation. It doesn't matter that you are a professional in the real world and know the topic better than anyone else in the room. Students don't want your opinion. Professors don't want you interrupting their routine. And no, it doesn't matter that in other graduate programs you are encouraged to share your professional experience and opinion. It doesn't matter that your grad school profs actually assign chapters to the students that they (the students) teach to the class. Just don't do it. No sharing.

I shared. Only, it wasn't a personal or professional experience; I just made a comment about something Tarkington had asked a guy in the upper rows to explain. I can't even remember what it was now. I do remember that everyone laughed. Except for Tarkington. I tried to be cute and funny to see if he would let it slide. When he looked at me, I swear he had "Get out of my class" written in his eyes. I was so lucky when he just ignored me and moved on.

If you think law school is mind-numbing usually, try attending class with a bad cold, when you are sleep-deprived, and when you are somewhat tipsy on Nyquil. You can't sit still, and you can't participate. The minutes pass by even more slowly.

Somehow I made it home, and I believe I have learned my lesson.

#3 Rule of Law School: Nyquil + Law School do not mix.

Ahh Choo (part 2)

2005-09-13T19:52:00.000-07:00

Just got back from my road trip to find cold medicine. I went to the only "real" grocery store we have around here that actually has cold medicine, or so I thought. I went in to the store, which was packed with people, and headed to the stubby little isle that had "Cough and Cold Medicine" written above it. I needed something like Sudafed that has guaifenesen in it to help me breathe with all the humidity. Only they didn't have anything. No cold or cough medicines.

I finally found a guy who worked there AND who knew what was going on to see if he could tell me where I could find some cold medicine. He told me I had to get it from the pharmacy. I explained that I didn't have a prescription... that I just needed an over-the-counter brand. Meanwhile, my eyes and nose are running, and my head is throbbing, so you know I ran out of patience for dealing with Mr. Helpful. He told me again that I had to go to the pharmacy in order to get over-the-counter cold medicines.

So, I go to the pharmacy. And I wait. Waiting. Sneezing, coughing, eyes watering...

Finally, I track down Mr. Helpful once again and ask him where the pharmacist is. He tells me that the pharmacy isn't open past noon on Thursdays, but that I can come back in the morning before 10:00 if I need something. I pointed out today is Tuesday, not Thursday, hoping it would mean the pharmacist would magically appear. He had to think for a moment; then he let me know that the pharmacy isn't open past noon on Tuesdays, but that I can come back in the morning before 10:00 if I need something. What the heck? For a split-second, I wondered if I was having a nightmare. By that time, an older lady wearing a big happy nametag came over to us to ask if there was a problem. I told her I needed some cold medicine, to which she said, "Do you have a cold?"

Like, duh! No, my eyes and nose always water like this. She looked at me funny and told me it is an actual law here that they can no longer sell over-the-counter cold medicines, including Sudafed, without going through the pharmacy and showing identification. When I asked her why there was such a completely stupid law, she paused and said it was to deter drug dealers. How? By making the drug dealers suffer with their colds and allergies? Or by making drug dealers not be able to sell cold medicine? I've heard of high school kids passing diet pills around, but come on. It turns out that the cold medicine is used as part of the drugs that are made, so they have to regulate the cold medicines now. And then she looks at me like my desperation to have the medicine is for some illegal purpose. As calmly as I could, I tried to confirm when the pharmacist would be back. She told me that the pharmacist also owns "Little Annie's Snip 'n Curl" so she only works in the pharmacy half days.

You don't know how tempted I was to have them call Little Annie and have her little ass come over to the little store to sell me my damn cold medicine, or as an alternative, for me to go to the "salon" and find Little Annie myself. However, since I was drawing enough attention to myself already, I simply thanked the helpful store clerks and left.

I can't believe I am in a town that locks up their cold medicine. What happens if someone gets a cold? They aren't punishing the drug dealers... They are punishing the cold sufferers.

Ahh Choo (part 1)

2005-09-13T17:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up today with a "cold". I don't know what else to call it. It's been raining and humid, and I guess I'm not used to so much on-going water in the air. I also didn't get much sleep last night because I was busy studying for Criminal Procedure. When Professor Tarkington didn't call on me today, I was almost mad. As I was walking out of the room, he looked over at me, and I said, "I was prepared today, and you didn't call on me." He sort of half-laughed and said something like "when you least expect it, expect it."

You can't win in law school. Just when you are ready for "battle," the enemy won't engage you.

I turned on the news tonight and couldn't believe Bush actually is taking the blame for the delay in help getting to Katrina victims. Come to think of it, I thought I saw pigs flying by this afternoon... I also saw where some law professor somewhere actually wrote a law review article about John Roberts's resume. Wow, now THAT is scholarly, don't you think? Students were talking this morning about the John Roberts hearings for the new spot on the Supreme Court. Interesting that there was a question about him just being the right person for the Court at all, but now Bush is making him top doggie by giving him the Chief Justice spot. No one seems to think that is weird besides me. In fact, several students said it is a good thing, because otherwise Scalia might be the new Chief Justice. I don't know anything about Scalia. All I know is the law students make him sound like the Dan Quayle of the Supreme Court. I do know one quote Scalia said, that I read in a case somewhere... Or maybe he wrote the main opinion, and this quote was written in the dissent to his opinion? Well, this quote is somehow related to a case where Scalia wrote an opinion: something something something "killing a mouse with a missile." That is the extent of my knowledge of Justice Scalia. I am sure you are impressed. Now, go find that quote!

Amy is coming in on a flight Thursday, and it can't come soon enough for me. When we agreed on the twin-swtich, I had no idea it would mean so much work on my part. Since I am working on my dissertation in grad school, there are no classes Amy is required to go to. She is attending a seminar taught by Dr. Lyle, but that is so Dr. Lyle can see how the other students respond to Amy pretending to be me. When you compare a PhD program, or any school for that matter, to law school, it boggles the mind that people actually choose to go to law school and put up with such crap. Some people actually say they "like" it! When this is all over, maybe I'll write a book about law school and how only crazy people choose to go there. Hey, maybe I should write a law review article about that?

I've got to run to the grocery store near the Ferry (30 miles away) so I can get some cold medicine.

Ahhchooo.

Just Another Manic Monday

2005-09-12T18:05:00.000-07:00

First thing, when I got to school this morning, I ran into Michele outside the Student Services offices. A group of people were waiting to get their checks from Financial Aid, and I guess Michele had just picked up her check. As if making a formal announcement, Michele yelled, "Amy, we've decided we don't want you in our study group after all. Good luck." Gee, do you think maybe they were not impressed by my performance when I was called on last week? Her behavior was overly rude, but I guess it did have its entertainment value for the other students in the hall. Amy won't be so thrilled to hear she's out of Michele's study group. For some reason, she really seemed excited to be asked to join it. Me, I'm actually fine with it. I can't imagine having to study with Michele anyway.

In Intellectual Property, we are still on Trademarks, of course, and Professor Matthews is still glued to her Power Point presentations. One of the guys finally asked her today why she is using an old-fashioned overhead projector and transparencies when she could be using a computer-projector with her laptop. Waaay too technical for Professor Matthews. She would rather create the document in Power Point, print it off, then go copy it onto a transparency. She's never used a computer-projector or similar equipment before, and, as a way of thanking the student for calling it to everyone's attention, she called on the guy to go over what was printed on her transparencies.

Professor Matthews calls on the same six people in every class. She has the overhead projector cart set up in the center of the room, right in front of me, on the floor between the second and third rows. She always stands behind and to the left side of the cart so she can point on the transparentcies with her little sticky pencil, which means she really can't see me without turning around. Because she is facing toward the right side of the room, she calls on the first person she sees to answer her questions. Those poor six people get it every time. Obviously, the class is more about her than it is about us learning, because the rest of the class might as well not even be there.

I can't stand overhead projectors. I can't stand trying to take notes in the dark. I can't stand boring lets-go-over-point-by-point presentations. I can't stand those sticky pencils and blurry transparencies. It's like a bad flashback to high school. I feel like I am back in Mrs. Coomer's Algebra 1 class, only this time, I don't have the benefit of a tv-radio with an earplug running up my jacket sleeve so I can hear General Hospital... (Hummm, I wonder what is currently on at 9:30 am on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?)

In Rogerson's Business Associations class, at least he didn't call on me. Michele asked me where I had found the information regarding Limited Partnerships and how they can have a corporation as a general partner in order to give all partners limited liability. She told me she searched throughout the text, and it's not mentioned in there. I couldn't really tell her I was just winging it and making stuff up as I went along, so I said something about finding it in the library when I was researching materials for this class. I research so much, you know, I can't recall which book it was in. She bought it. She'll be sorry she kicked me out of that study group, you wait and see (haha).

After class was over, I was making my way to the door with the other students. I thought I heard someone call my name, but it didn't really register. Then, a girl behind me said, "Amy, Rogerson is calling you." I turned around and, sure enough, Professor Rogerson was staring right at me, surrounded by several other students. He said, "Time for you to turn up your hearing aid, Ms. Morrighan." All the students laughed of course, and the ones nearing the door actually stopped to watch whatever was about to happen. Being the natural smart-ass that I am, and the fact I really am not interested in putting up with insults from people who abuse their authority positions, I replied with, "I'm sorry, I was still so entranced by the safeharbor for limited partners that I didn't hear you." But, then I realized as soon as I said it that I was breaking one of Amy's rules: Thou shall not talk back when a professor is criticizing or yelling at you.

Thankfully, Rogerson let the comment go without further conflict. He told me he needs me to stop by his office and fill out the paperwork for my hours in Property Clinic. When I pointed out I thought Professor Christiansen was in charge of Property Clinic, he informed me that Christiansen is swamped with clients in his law practice who were effected by Hurricane Katrina. It is doubtful he will be back this semester. So guess who is taking over for Christiansen... Professor Rogerson. (He probably knows as much about Property Law as I do.) I explained to Rogerson that I was not sure what my schedule is, and he decided I will get back with him by the end of the week.

If Amy has to go fill out the paperwork and do the oath for Rogerson, things are even more risky than if she had to deal with someone who doesn't see me every day. It is going to be obvious to Rogerson that I am not Amy when the real Amy shows up in his office.

When Rogerson catches us, I think we should just pop up and go: "APRIL FOOL!"

I wonder what the consequences will be for Amy once we are busted. She said she didn't care about getting kicked out of law school because she hates this school (and her gpa basically sucked last semester). Still, when the time comes, I think it will be difficult.

Gotta go prepare for Tarkington's class tomorrow. Any bets out there on whether he will call on me or not?

9-11

2005-09-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

God Bless the victims of 9-11.

Akita Akiba Ariba Ariba

2005-09-10T23:28:00.000-07:00

I went out to dinner with Beth and Vickie, so I missed the fish frenzy over at Charlie's house. I did speak with Charlie briefly this afternoon, while he was outside setting up for the crabs. He told me about his trip to the vet when he took the two dogs, that he is fostering for evacuees, to make sure they are doing okay. The vet informed him that Hillary (the Akita) is spayed after all, so there is no fear of Baby Boogers if she continues hanging out with Booger. Charlie said he and several of the kids couldn't remember what kind of breed I had said Hillary is. The kids told the vet she is an "Akiba," and Charlie said he told the vet she is an "Ariba." It is interesting that the vet didn't correct them. Surely, even down here at the ends of the earth, a vet would recognize the breed?

Hillary and Hurley (the black lab mix) both are being treated for parasites (eeeew!), and Hurley has ear mites. Since Hurley doesn't have a rabies tag like Hillary does, the poor thing had to get her shots. You really can't take the risk here, with all the wild animals running around. Hillary has a sore spot on her leg that has gotten infected. The vet said she has been licking her leg because she's been anxious from the hurricane and aftermath. (I wonder if the ocean is triggering PSTD for her?) He put a bandage on her leg with a tube-sock duct-taped over it. If Hillary tries to get it off, Charlie has one of those big cones to put on her head. The funnel-cone is huge, and I think Hillary will have a hard time maneuvering with that around her neck. Besides, the other dogs will laugh at her.

Beth and Vickie told me they heard all the way in the other section about how I was unprepared for Tarkington's class twice in a row. Good news travels fast, I guess. Apparently, it is fairly common for professors to talk to each other about the unprepared students and for another professor to call on the particular student who had been unprepared for the other class. So, maybe Rogerson calling on me yesterday was not as big of a deal as I thought.

Because Beth and Vickie still think I am Amy, I had to give them some kind of explanation for my actions this week. I told them I've been so upset about current political events, like how Bush handled (or, rather, didn't handle) the hurricane situation, that I haven't been able to concentrate. They were very understanding about my frustration and said they feel exactly the same way. Only after I got home did I fully realize what I had done: I turned Amy into a Democrat, when she's a die-hard Bush fan! Beth and Vickie seemed really happy about my position and didn't seem to think twice about it. I wonder how Amy will feel when she finds out she's not a Bush-supporter anymore?

Tomorrow I am hitting the books doubly hard to make sure I'm prepared in the event I get called on again. If Tarkington calls on me on Tuesday for a third time in a row, I swear I'll scream. No, wait. I already did that...

Busted?

2005-09-09T20:03:00.000-07:00

I think we are busted.

The day started out okay, with Professor Matthews sharing with us her new-found love of Power Point presentations. (We are never going to finish with Trademarks, are we?) After Intellectual Property, I had about an hour before the CLS meeting. You know, the meeting where I (being Amy) was supposed to cook something for the group to eat for lunch. But since I am actually Ashley, the culinary-impaired who can only make toast, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I tried to find a grocery chain like Kroger, or some other store I actually have heard of, to see if I could order a deli platter or something similar. The nearest one is 45 minutes away and requires 24 hours notice, but yet I have to pay in advance at the actual store. So, the deli platter idea was out.

I finally decided I had no choice but to resort to the pizza thing. I arranged to meet the Domino's guy at the front doors of the law school, and I took three large pepperoni pizzas to Room 305 where our CLS meeting was being held. I had no idea how many members the Christian Legal Society has or how much food I should bring, and since I am supposed to be Amy who does know, then I couldn't even ask anyone. When I arrived in 305, there were two people there. Two people, plus me, and three large pizzas. I told them I have decided to give up cooking, which is why I brought the pizzas. However, I couldn't explain why I brought three of them.

Thankfully, pizza is like a magnet for law students, and within a few minutes, CLS miraculously had about a dozen new members.

I didn't really get a chance to review my notes for Business Associations, since preparing for and attending the CLS meeting took up most of my time between classes. I, thankfully, had notes from the Legalines Study Aid, and I felt pretty confident when I showed up in class. Nevertheless, I was still really surprised when Professor Rogerson called on me first thing. Isn't it a bit odd that two of my professors would call on me during the same week? What is the probability of that happening when there are around 70 students in each class?

I have the tape I recorded from the class, and I thought I would share with you exactly what happened. The recorded parts are in blue.

Rogerson: "Mss-zzzz..." (long pause while everyone squirms) "Morrighan...

At least I didn't immediately respond with "Sh**!" As is custom in many law classes, I had to stand up to answer his questions because the professors are supposed to be the equivalent of judges.

Rogerson: "You are prepared today, Ms. Morrighan?"

It was the way he said "today" that caused me to question if he had spoken with Tarkington. Why else would he say it like that?

Rogerson: "The client wants the same limited liability protection a corporation has, but he insists on a limited partnership with limited liability protection for ALL of the partners. Counselor, how do you advise him?"

On the tape, you can hear the students around the room whispering possible answers or things like "she's so screwed."

Me: (I hate the way I sound on tape:) "I would say it's possible for a limited partnership to have the same... liability protection as a corporation-"

As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back. It is impossible for all the partners to have liability protection in a Limited Partnership. It has to have at least one "general partner" who handles the day-to-day matters, and he doesn't get protection. So, I was basically winging it and making stuff up as I went along.

Male student's voice: "No way."

Rogerson: "How can a limited partnership have liability protection for all of the partners when at least one of the partners must be a General Partner?"

Rogerson and the other professors love to give you rope to hang yourself and look stupid. All I could come up with in my head was how a corporation has liability protection. And, according to Legalines, the general partner in the Limited Partnership can be either an individual person or a corporation. Then why wouldn't that work? Make the General Partner a corporation, which would give protection. Then it would be legally considered a Limited Partnership but all the partners would have protection?

Me: "He could have the General Partner be a corporation. Then everyone in the Limited Partnership would have protection."

[inaudible noise]

Rogerson: "All right, Counselor, is the limited partnership--is it the entity you would recommend to the client?"

Me: "If he's wanting a limited partnership, then I would... help him understand the pros or cons of-"

Rogerson: "No, he has come to YOU for advice about the best entity. What do you tell him--that he should form a limited partnership?"

Me: "No. I would probably suggest even a corporation before a Limited Partnership. Or an LLC."

I know practically nothing about LLCs, except they are supposed to be the latest greatest thing and everyone should go form one.

Rogerson: "Which one would you recommend? An LLC or a corporation?"

Wouldn't I need more details about the client's business before I could even begin to answer? I was damn sure not going to say that.

Me: "Well... I guess I would then recommend an LLC before I'd recommend the corporation."

Rogerson: "What are the tax consequences involved in your decision?

Tax consequences? How the hell should I know? He might as well have asked me to explain nuclear physics. I just stood there, staring down at my notes on my desk.

Me: "I'm... not sure."

Rogerson: "Sit DOWN, Ms. Morrighan!"

I was thrilled to get to sit down. He moved on to another student. I still don't know if the answer I gave him was right about the Limited Partnership. Does everyone really end up with liability protection if a corporation is the General Partner?

My main concern as I sat there, recovering from the ordeal, was why Rogerson called on me today. It is too much of a coincidence. He had to have spoken to Tarkington. Now that I have had time to think about it and to evaluate this week, I think I know what has happened. Tarkington followed up when I said I (meaning Amy) made the highest grade in Criminal Law last year. He probably can't figure out why a person would excel in the topic last year but totally bomb it now. If Amy told Tarkington she is an identical twin when he was her advisor last year, or if she told anyone where it could get back to Tarkington, then Tarkington probably has figured out I am not Amy. Everyone always asks if twins switch places, like it is something every set of twins will do. Yet, Tarkington can't be sure, so he has spoken to my other professors to see how I am doing in their classes. Now, all the professors are watching me closely.

Either I am busted, or I am completely paranoid.

I heard from Amy again. She emailed me to let me know she bought a ticket last night to come home next Thursday. She'd better hurry.

Crash and Burn

2005-09-08T16:16:00.000-07:00

You know, I get the feeling I am not doing so well in Criminal Procedure...

In class this morning, I was actually following along with the analyses of cases, thanks to my new best friend, Gilbert Law Summaries. I still would not have picked out the right information if left to my own devices, but when it is presented for you by study aids, at least you can see how far off track you really are. Last night, I opened my text to today's cases and opened several study aids, including the Gilbert's Law Summaries for Criminal Procedure. What I would do is read the summary of the Facts in the study aids and then read the Issue. I would then find that exact sentence in the casebook so I could get an idea of what we were supposed to be looking for. I did the same thing for the Rule and Analysis. I jotted down notes and wrote in my book (putting arrows to the Issue, Rule, etc) instead of making a formal brief. Study aids seem like the perfect solution because they provide a roadmap through hell.

Proud of myself for being able to follow along in the class, I was completely caught off guard by what happened. Professor Tarkington called on me AGAIN! He just called on me last class, and I thought once he called on a student, that student was off the hook until he called on everyone else and came back around to them. Right?? Well, then what the hell? Is this an attempt at behavior modification? I was actually quite ticked off. In fact, the most embarrassing thing that happened, which you can hear clearly on the tape I was recording for Highlighter Guy, was my reflex utterance when I realized Tarkington had just called on me again... On the tape, you hear Professor Tarkington say, "Ms. Morrighan, please tell us what happened in the Carney case," followed by me saying, "Sh**!" Then, you hear students laughing and Professor Tarkington say, "Beg your pardon?" Ugh. Worst still, California v. Carney is a sex case.

I felt the same nausea again, but I could not fathom having to tell Amy I was unprepared TWICE for this class...Especially when she made the highest grade for Criminal Law for the whole first year class last year. I had my notes I had taken from the study aids as well as the notes I jotted in the textbook. I basically just took a leap and started reading what I had for the fact summary. Turns out I gave too much "superfluous detail" about the sex issue, which really wasn't important to the case at all. The case itself reminded me of something you would expect to hear Jay Leno talk about when he makes fun of stupid criminals. There was a motor home staked out by the cops, and a youth went in it for an hour and a half. When he came out, the police asked him what he was doing, and the youth nonchalantly said, "Oh, I was just doing sexual favors in exchange for pot," like it was no big deal. The youth even turned around and walked back to the motor home with the police.

When they knocked on the door of the motor home and Carney stepped out, one of the cops walked inside the motor home without a warrant, and saw pot on the table. They arrested Carney. The Issue boiled down to if the motor home was like a car, which had exceptions to requiring a search warrant, or if it was like a house because you could live in it, which requires much more in order to do a search.

The funniest part was when Tarkington asked me for the Rule. Instead of saying something simple and easy to understand, all I had in my notes was what the study guides said:

Rule: The pervasive schemes of regulation, which necessarily lead to reduced expectations of privacy, and the exigencies attendant to ready mobility justify searches of motor homes without a warrant so long as the overriding standard of probable cause is met.

At the time I was being called on this morning, I wasn't sure what the heck the Rule was talking about. And Tarkington is no dummy. He asked me to explain the Rule in my own words, reminding me that we need to be able to explain these things to our clients. Was I able to explain it? No. Unfortunately not. I re-read the Rule several times, but I had no clear understanding of it. It sounded like a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo to me. I ultimately had to eat crow once again and say I was not as prepared as I should have been. People laughed. Tarkington was pissed. It wasn't pretty.

For a moment, I thought he was going to kick me out of class. Thankfully, he didn't. He jotted something down on the paper lying on the podium (likely another subtraction of two points from Amy's grade...), and then he called on another student. It turns out the Rule meant the motor home is like a car rather than a house and can be searched without a warrant if it meets one of the exceptions a car would have. The fact cars can take off before a cop has a chance to get a warrant is the key.

Tarkington asked the next student, a guy two rows up from me, to explain the Rule, to explain what case the court relied on to arrive at their decision (the student said it was Carroll v. United States), and then to discuss the Concurrence and Dissent. Basically, I was doomed from the start and quite lucky I bailed when I did.

Crash and burn. That's what happened. Crash and burn.

But, wait; it wasn't over then. Oh, no. There was plenty of humiliation to follow. When class was over, I checked with Highlighter Guy to see if his recorder worked, he said it did, and I could keep the tape from today. Wonderful. I packed up my things and rushed to leave the room. Two steps from the door, Professor Tarkington yelled, "Ms. Morrighan..." I walked up to the podium where he and other students were standing, and he told me it was too early in the school year for me to be unprepared once, much less twice. I tried to say I was sorry, it won't happen again, blah blah blah. He continued by performing a soliloquy on how when we go to court, one of the most important things we must do for a client is be on time and be prepared. He said if I expect to make a decent grade in law school, then I'm going to have to be prepared for class.

His last comment kind of ticked me off because I (meaning Amy), after all, did make the highest grade in Criminal Law last year. I mentioned this fact to Tarkington, and he said something like, "well, you won't be making the highest grade in my class." It was nice of him to say that when several other students were gathered around, listening to every word he said with great interest. When I turned to go, he said, "I don't want to hear you say you are unprepared again." Without thinking, I replied, "Well, then stop calling on me." I quickly smiled, and the students laughed, so I hope he thought I was joking.

How do I tell Amy she's already been unprepared twice for her best class? I got an email from her this morning, presenting options for handling the Property Law Clinic paperwork and oath. She said the oath is no big deal; they routinely require oaths to make law students feel "lawyerly." She considered the option of me doing it in her place, but then she (thankfully) decided we can't really do that. And, she can't drop the Law Clinic or any of her classes because it is too late to switch into something else. If she just drops it without adding another course, then she will fall below the limit for full-time students, which, apparently, would be be the end of the world as we know it. (It would mess up her graduation schedule, and she'd have to get one or more deans' approval--which she says would never happen.) She is looking for a cheap airfare with at least a seven-day advance purchase. She had better hurry, because I know it looks kind of funny that Amy hasn't completed the paperwork and oath by now.

Amy and I both figured we'd be busted by this point. We never anticipated being able to pull off the twin-switch this long. I guess when Amy comes home to take care of the Law Clinic requirements, I'll try to break the news to her about Tarkington's class. Her appearance in the law school may expose our twin-switch anyway, and it will be time for her to hear everything that has happened. After the events that took place this morning, I think I am ready for her to come back to law school and let me go back to my nice, normal, rational, logical, understandable PhD program.

Later Wednesday

2005-09-07T17:33:00.000-07:00

Guess what I just bought...

Study Aids!

My life just got soooo much easier. The Study Aids for Intellectual Property, Criminal Procedure, and Business Associations are beautiful. I feel like giving every one of the Study Aid authors a big fat kiss.... Mmmmm-waaaah!

I know what you are thinking. We are not supposed to use Study Aids because they are evil. Fear not, for I am willing to take the risk.
Bad Ashley. Bad.

I would be doing the snoopy-dance and celebrating even more if not for several notices I have been receiving from Professor Christiansen, the guy in charge of the Property Law Clinic. Today, I found a notice (the third) in my mailbox at school that says Amy needs to come by and sign paperwork, take her "oath" of confidentiality, and set her schedule she can work.

So why don't I go by and just do the oath thing and set a schedule? It's the whole oath and signature thing that bothers me. I have been really careful not to sign Amy's name on stuff, especially law type stuff that could get me in forgery trouble. Thankfully, up until now, I haven't been actually confronted with any situation where I had to sign her name.

I sent an email to Amy to ask her what she wants to do. The Law Clinic people are going to start wondering why Amy hasn't stopped by. I wonder if she can drop the Law Clinic all together? If she wants to participate in Law Clinic, I am afraid she'll have to fly down here and go sign the paperwork and do the oath herself. It could be tricky since her hair is shorter than mine is. It is not like really different, since I did get my hair cut a little when Amy and I went to her hairdresser, but it is noticeably different. Not a problem if you haven't just seen one of us, but if she goes up to the law school on an afternoon when I have just been at the law school, it might look kind of odd that Amy's hair is shorter... especially if it is back to it's longer length the following day.

If she comes down here, we'll also have to figure out a way to make sure we don't reveal information to each other on how the other is doing with the twin switch. To maintain the integrity of the experiement, we can't know anything that would alter our behaviors. It would be nice to have Amy come home though.

I've got to play with my Study Aids some more. Although I know Professor Tarkington won't call on me again for awhile, I still might give the Study Aids a test run on some of the cases for tomorrow. Highlighter Guy did warn me that, although the cases are briefed, some of the Study Aids don't have all the information we need to answer the analysis questions that professors come up with. Nevertheless, it will get me in the ballpark.

Hey, how does Highlighter Guy know the Study Aids don't have all the necessary information unless he's been using them himself? Bad Highlighter Guy. Bad.

Study Aids

2005-09-07T11:08:00.000-07:00

I know it is risky to write in this blog while I am at school, but I wanted to tell you something funny that just happened on my way in here. I’m in the computer lab in the library, sitting in one of the study carrels along the back wall (in case you are looking for me). On my way over to this lovely spot, I walked through several bookshelves where students were perusing the selection of law books. At one point, I stopped because I thought I heard singing. Upon closer inspection, I noticed there was a fellow law student on the opposite side of the bookshelf from me.

“L, M, N, O, Peeeeee…”

Yes, the budding future Attorney-at-Law was actually singing the Alphabet Song to help him find the book title he was looking for! Big Bird would be so proud of him.

I also had a very interesting conversation with Highlighter Guy today after Intellectual Property class. Inspired by my less-than-grand performance yesterday in Criminal Procedure, we were talking about how difficult briefing cases still is, even though we are in our second year. (Well, some people are in their second year… Me, I’m still in my first weeks.) I can spend hours reading and briefing cases, and I am still not picking out the right information. Highlighter Guy is having the same problem, and we agreed that most of the students are in the same boat. He then made a curious statement: “It’s a shame we are not allowed to use Study Aids.”

Study Aids?

I asked him what he meant, and he seemed proud of me for not ever using them or even knowing what they are. Apparently, Study Aids are like Cliffs Notes, only better! They are commercial products put out for law school students that have the cases from our books outlined and explained for us! WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS BEFORE?

Some Study Aids are general and cover the course topic, but they are not geared specifically for one particular book. Other Study Aids actually are tailored to go along with the textbook. Sometimes the author for the textbook also writes the Study Aid. They have the Issue, Rule, Analysis, Conclusion, and even the Concurrence and Dissent (which I still have not figured out the purpose for). I almost cried when Highlighter Guy told me about these marvelous books.

There is one drawback… Highlighter Guy says the professors made it clear last year that we are not to use Study Aids. We need to learn how to brief cases ourselves. It is wrong to have it laid out for you, and you will never learn to read cases if someone else does it for you.

Ahhh, bite me.

Whoever said such crap doesn’t know anything about how people learn. While it is possible to learn in linear fashion by starting at the beginning of something and plowing through it, many people learn in circular fashion. They may start at the beginning, but most often, they will jump in somewhere in the middle or at the end, and then learn the material from different directions. Just because you have a Study Aid, doesn’t mean you won’t learn how to find elements of a case or how to read the case. It will just help provide the information up front so you can see how to find it. Highlighter Guy gave me one last warning: it is rumored that professors keep track of who buys the Study Aids in our law school bookstore.

THEY SELL STUDY AIDS IN OUR BOOKSTORE??!

How could I miss that? I know, I am not being a very good law student if I want to break the rules… It would mean big trouble if the professors found out about it. And, you never ever ever want to get caught with one in class. I could just picture the look on the faces of other students.

Even if I don’t buy the Study Aids, it is still nice to know they are there. Don't worry, I know it is important to follow the rules.

No Study Aids.

Brad Pitt Brain

2005-09-06T13:21:00.000-07:00

Criminal Procedure was torture this morning. I guess it started off okay, with Professor Tarkington conducting a discussion about Justice Rehnquist, who died over the weekend. I am amazed at how the national legal community is like a family. Even law students mourn the loss of this man and are concerned about what it will mean for them personally when Pres. Bush fills the vacancy on the Supreme Court. I was a bit out of the loop because I know nothing about (and usually don't pay attention to) courts and justices, although I do recall seeing Rehnquist's name in the law texts. The professors seem exceptionally concerned about what is happening. This translated into Tarkington taking up class time with the Supreme Court discussion and, we all hoped, would leave little time left to call on students. Shame on us...We are so much like kids in high school who deliberately try to keep the teacher talking so there won't be time to do an assignment. Unfortunately, Tarkington was not about to let us take over the class.

Professor Tarkington ended up calling on ME. I should have seen it coming. I sensed a pattern he has been following where he will call on a student at the beginning of the alphabet, then one at end of the alphabet, and then one in the middle. Since my last name is Morrighan, it was only a matter of days before he got to me. What bugs me so much about it is that I prepared for this class off and on all weekend! I thought I knew the case inside, outside, and upside down. I am soo not cut out for this because I still have no clue what I am doing. I am finding the wrong stuff in the cases, and I can't seem to connect point A to point B to get the answer the professor wants. Law school students and professors are a completely different level of life-form than the rest of us. We normal people don't speak the language or have the same brain waves.

Basically what happened in a nutshell... I was just sitting in the third row, minding my own business, with Highlighter Guy coloring away with his highlighters on my left and Michele typing frantically on my right. Professor Tarkington called on another girl before me, and she seemed to answer his questions well enough when she started in on the Chimel case. I remember I had just glanced up at Professor Tarkington (which I know you shouldn't do) and noticed he was wearing his navy blue, uncomfortable-looking suit again, when I heard...

"Ms. Morrighan, would you tell us about the case the California courts relied on to uphold the search of Chimel's house, and why Justice Stewart felt the reliance on that case was misplaced?"

For a moment it struck me as funny that Tarkington actually thought I could answer him. But I'm supposed to be Amy, and I'm supposed to be able to answer the professor's questions. Since (I thought) I had prepared the case so well over the weekend, I knew somewhere inside of me I could recall the case he was talking about, as if determination alone would help produce a right answer. I managed to say, "Sure," and pulled my brief for Chimel out from under the textbook so I could see it better.

Thank goodness Tarkington doesn't require us to stand up to answer questions, because I would have wobbled and probably fallen over. My heart stopped, I couldn't breathe, and I actually thought I was going to throw up. The room fell completely silent. I prayed for a fire drill... When you get called on in class, it is like the difference between being on a game show and watching it at home. Even though I had prepared the case, and I should have known the answer, something happened when I looked up at Professor Tarkington's face... My mind went blank. I completely forgot what I was going to say. For a moment, I think I even forgot what "uphold" meant. Everyone was waiting for me to give an answer, and I didn't have anything. Call it Brad Pitt Brain. It's like you meet Brad Pitt and all the sudden you forget your own name.

I finally choked out something like, "I mean, no." Several people laughed. Highlighter Guy, bless his little heart, quickly pushed his notes in front of me so I could use them. Tarkington seemed slightly amused and asked me which it was, yes or no. I finally told him the rehearsed default-excuse: "I'm sorry, I am not prepared." Professor Tarkington didn't say anything back to me. He just looked down at his podium and wrote something on a piece of paper. Just like that, Amy lost two points off of her final grade.

Tarkington moved on to another student, and class could not end fast enough. And, gee, thanks to Highlighter Guy, I have the whole thing on tape so I can listen to it all over again. (I hate the way my voice sounds on tape.) At least it is over with. I have paid my dues. It cost me two points for Amy, but in a way, it was worth it (in my opinion) if it means I can go weeks--maybe months--without having to be called on again. I am not up for this. Let me show you what I am dealing with. I read the Chimel case and briefed it, just like I thought all good little law students do. But I never dreamed I needed to know the cases a court relied on or why a judge thinks one way or another. Where do you come up with that? Below is what my IRAC brief looks like for the Chimel case. I, up until this morning, thought it was okay.

Chimel v. State of California

FACTS: Three cops got a warrant authorizing them to arrest Chimel for the burglary of a coin shop. The cops knocked on the door to his house, id’ed themselves to Mrs. C., and asked to come inside. She invited the cops inside, and they waited 10-15 minutes for Chimel to come home from work. When C entered the house, he was handed the arrest warrant, and the cops asked permission to “look around.” C said no, but the cops said they would search anyway b/c it was “on the basis of a lawful arrest.” No search warrant had been made. (Arrest warrant yes, search warrant no.) The cops searched the entire 3 BR house, including the master BR, sewing room, attic, garage, and a small workshop. The almost hour-long search ended with the cops taking coins, medals, and tokens.

ISSUE: Is it okay for cops to search an entire house without a search warrant if it is incident to a lawful arrest done in the house based on a charge of burglary?

RULE: No. When an arrest is made in a person’s home, a cop w/o a search warrant can only search the area w/in the bad guy’s immediate control in order to remove weapons that may endanger the cop or prevent the destruction of evidence.

ANALYSIS::
California trial court: C was tried and found guilty on two counts of burglary. The stuff the cops seized at his house was allowed to be used against C.

California Court of Ap: Agreed with Cal.Trial Court.

California Supreme Court: It was a bad affidavit for the arrest warrant but still okay to arrest him. Search okay if part of a lawful arrest.

United St.Supreme C.: Disagreed. See the Rule above.

CONCLUSION: Cops can’t search the entire house without a warrant. They can only search the area in the bad guy’s "immediate control" to protect safety of cops.

You are my witness. I did prepare the case for class. I just don't have the right brain to go along with it. And, Amy's and my telepathic powers obviously failed because she certainly didn't transmit the correct answer to me during class. ;) So, it is her fault.

I am sure Amy is going to kill me for getting two points chopped from her final grade.

Labor Day

2005-09-05T12:23:00.000-07:00

Some people wake up to the sounds of birds singing. I wake up to the sounds of children shrieking. About 8:30, a flock of Charlie's youngest kids, and their friends, were yelling, "Amy! Amy! Amy!" They were knocking on the sliding glass door out to the deck because they wanted me to take them for a ride on the beach in the jeep before it started raining again. So, I got up and took groups of kids riding up and down the beach. It was pretty fun, and being around the kids cheered me up. It is always humorous being around little kids on the beach because they get so excited every time they stumble onto something new that washes up on the beach after the tide goes out. We poked sticks at a beached jellyfish and chased the little birds that landed nearby to scope out food.

As we were walking towards the steps back to the beach house, we could hear a banging noise coming from Charlie's house. The kids ran excitedly across the lawn and under Charlie's house to where people were gathered around the picnic tables. Obviously, people were hitting something, but I could not quite make out what it was. You never know what you might find at Charlie's... My curiosity got the better of me as I walked over to the group. Charlie's daughter, Rose, was the first to greet me, and she handed me a stick. It looked like a piece of a mop handle. Given that I am supposed to be Amy, and that Charlie is the only one who knows I'm Ashley, I played along like I knew what was going on.

Butcher block paper had been laid out on the picnic tables, and there were piles of something fishy people were grabbing with their hands and then hitting with their sticks. Crabs. Boiled crabs. Crabs fresh from the canal that runs between the houses. Charlie and Ricky were boiling them right out of the crab traps, and the kids and neighbors were hitting them with sticks and eating them as fast as Charlie could dump them on the table. When they finished with one pile, Charlie would lift up the paper and go scrape the scraps into the canal. The same canel from where the crabs came in the first place.

It was all a little too "Survivor" for me. Several people invited me to sit down and made room on the picnic benches. Their hands were greasy and covered with crab...pieces. I think the kids just liked being able to bang on the table, but the adults used the sticks to break open the boiled crab and pick out (with their fingers) teeny-tiny pieces of crab meat to eat. What a lot of work for such a little piece of meat. Ricky poured a "special" pile of crabs on the table in front of me. I think he actually barbequed them? It became obvious that Amy routinely participates in the crab-fest, and at the risk of being discovered as an imposter, I was tempted to sit down and join them. However, given the slimy-ness factor, I decided to pass. I told everyone I needed to run change my shoes, which is how I ended up here. Fish I will eat. Brisket I will eat. Shrimp I will eat. I will even eat the fried poppers (peppers and cheese). But boiled crab, and the evident circle of life Charlie's gang is orchestrating, no thanks. I think I will pass. I am sure it is a major faux pas in the culture down here not to eat whatever Charlie puts in front of you, but everyone has a line they won't cross. Mine is crabs.

While I was under the house watching the festivities, I noticed the new dogs were playing with Booger. One of the dogs looks like a labrador mix, and the kids told me her name is "Hurley." (Her owners must be LOST fans?) The other dog is named "Hillary," and she is especially friendly with Booger. At first, I thought she was a mix as well. Upon closer inspection, however, I recognized the type of breed she is because my ex-boyfriend has the same dog and paid $1700 for her. It's an Akita. A pure-bred Akita. Running around getting sand all over her, eating crab scraps, and being a little "too friendly" (cough, cough) with Booger. I cringed at the thought of this beautiful, likely AKC-Registered, dog running around on the beach and in the ocean with Booger. Not to mention what would happen if the Akita is not spayed. She will end up having Booger's puppies... Baby Boogers!

I mentioned the breed of dog to the group, and no one had ever heard of an Akita before. Several of the kids ran around calling her an "Akiba." Charlie said he would take her to a vet-friend to make sure she is spayed. Her value will decrease significantly if she hasn't been spayed and Charlie has the vet do it now. I am not sure how her owners would feel about it, but with the alternative being Baby Boogers, spaying is probably a better alternative.

You can still hear Charlie, his friends, and family banging on the picnic tables. I had hoped to stall and spend time up here in order to miss the crabs. But it looks like there may be an endless supply. I really do like hanging out with Charlie and everyone. They are like family to Amy down here, and I feel at home with them. There's just one or two little things that I must take exception to. It will be interesting to see if anyone suggests perhaps I'm not Amy since I don't love crabs like she does. Thankfully, Ricky set up the volleyball nets, and once that gets going, I think my identity will be secure. Amy and I both are good at volleyball.

All Dogs Go To Charlie's

2005-09-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

It's later on Sunday. I made a great scientific discovery: there is no way to go stick your toe in the ocean without getting sand all over you and ending up wading in at least knee deep. Especially if you have kids and dogs with you. I just came in quickly to change clothes and get the sand off of me.

Charlie and the parade of SUVs have returned from Louisiana. I don’t think they slept the whole time they were gone. This is the third draft of this blog I have written because the first two sounded way to harsh against the government and had to be rewritten. The people in New Orleans were, in essence, left to die. Unspeakable conditions. Worst still is the military tried to turn volunteers like Charlie and his friends away. Ha. They don’t know Charlie very well. Charlie and the gang drove around until they found a way to get into down town New Orleans. The people are so tired and dehydrated that they aren’t trying to get the help they need now that “help” is finally showing up. The National Guard stood around in small groups, talking among themselves, and ignoring the people. Charlie had to go up and request that some of the Guard give basic medical care to people who were obviously sick. As the buses finally came and took people out of the area, only then did port-a-potties arrive.

Charlie and the other neighbors helped the people they could and dropped off supplies. When they pulled in a little while ago, it was clear they did not come back empty handed. Six or seven dogs piled out of the SUVs. Charlie said they ran into several families who couldn’t take their dogs with them, so Charlie volunteered to take care of them until the families are on their feet again. He gave them his contact information and said the doggies can stay as long as they need to. (Funny, I think Booger and Charlie’s other dogs originally arrived here under similar circumstances.) The neighbors took the smaller dogs, which seem traumatized and won't leave the arms of the people who found them. Two of the big dogs are now staying with Charlie. I haven’t officially been introduced to the dogs, but from a distance they look like they will fit in just fine. I am sure Booger will make them feel welcome.

Ricky and Charlie are already setting up to cook the brisket all night for the Labor Day bar-be-que tomorrow. (Fifty bucks says fish will somehow make its way into part of the meal, too. :o))

Legal Mysteries

2005-09-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

I am trying to make a dent in the massive reading for Amy's law school classes. For some reason (like the fact they are second year classes and I didn't attend first year), there are some things I can't figure out. I'm still not pulling the right information out of the cases for IRAC. The cases in the textbooks are edited versions of the longer cases, with emphasis on the issues the appellate court or Supreme Court is looking at specifically. However, sometimes the editors don't do a very good job at editing, and they leave in issues, or references to issues, or obscure comments that relate to issues which have been edited out completely. So, what you think is the issue of the case we are supposed to prepare for class is really a random reference to a point of law that has been edited. It's like having a street sign but no street. I keep heading down rabbit trails when there is no rabbit. In class, when the professor asks for the issue, I think I have it all right in front of me, and then the student who gets called on will say something completely different--the right issue. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there going "what the heck?"

According to Amy, you can pull the full case off of Westlaw or Lexis (like online law libraries) or go to the actual law library and somehow track down the actual case in there. I am guessing that having the entire case would prevent the problem of the phantom issue. Only problem then is that you have like 80 pages to translate from legalese into English and match the issues up with the right facts, rules, analysis, conclusions, you get the picture. Why does anyone choose to enter this profession? I wonder how many students stay completely lost the entire time they are in law school. They just basically fake it and pray they somehow squeeze by. Then, when they become licensed and have clients who actually pay them, no wonder the legal system is so filled with liars and sharks. Maybe everyone is still just winging it. And maybe the law professors have to use the Socratic Method because they don't understand it either, so they just ask questions. When you take it to this extreme, the study of law seems like a nightmare, doesn't it?

Here are a few legal matters that have come up during class or in the cases that make no sense to me. Maybe someone out there can provide an explanation. (No laughing if these are dumb questions):

1. What is "standard of review"? How is it determined?
2. When you are reading a case and it talks about the trial court, and when it refers to what "the court" did (like finding one way or another on an issue), does it mean the judge only? The jury? Both?
3. Concurrence and dissent - why do professors sometimes ask about these? We have the overall verdict, so how much weight do we need to put on the other judges' feelings about it? How exactly do you use this to predict what the judges will do in future cases?
4. What is "Shepardizing"? (I am guessing it is not an evangelical tool.)
5. And, what exactly is the big deal about Law Review? So you get to write for a journal. Big whoopy-doo-da.

These are just some of the mysteries of law school that are plaguing me. There are probably many more mysteries out there that I am missing because I don't even know what I am looking at. I'm beginning to really appreciate what Amy has had to go through.

Twin Stuff

2005-09-03T19:09:00.000-07:00

This is me. Babysitting. For Charlie's kids. Amy loves kids. Me? Not so much. Most of the younger kids are watching videos right now. So, you, dear readers, are my only adult company. Save me from Sponge Bob Square Pants! I'm eating an apple as I type this. One of the kids, seven year-old Daniel (not Danny, not Dan, but Daniel -- pronounced like "Danal") approached me with an apple a little while ago and said, "Get rid of the seeds." It struck me kind of funny because at the time I was sitting out on the front deck, watching Booger and his doggie-friends run around on the beach. So, I took the apple from Daniel, waved my hand over it, and said "Poof! The seeds are gone." He didn't believe me. When we went inside, we were joined by other kids who watched me get a knife and cut it for him. When I sliced the apple, it turns out I "cut it wrong." Daniel wouldn't eat it. None of the other kids would eat it either. This is pretty much how my evening has gone so far.

While I have some time on my hands, I thought I would go over some twin stuff. My dissertation for grad school will include twin myths, public perceptions of twins, and how the myths and public perceptions affect the twins themselves. Here is a list of questions the general public always asks twins (and some of my usual answers in blue):

1. (Stare at both of us and then say) Are you twins? Yes.
2. Are you identical? Yes.
3. Do you ever switch places? Yes, including right now.
4. Which one is older? Amy was born two minutes before I was, but technically we were conceived at the same time and are the same age.
5. Is it weird being a twin? How the heck should I know when I've never been a single?
6. Can your parents tell you apart? Yes. Unless we're on the phone, and then sometimes our dad can't tell us apart.
7. Which twin is the dominant one? (My mom usually gets this question more than we do.) Neither one is more dominant than the other.
8. If you and your sister stand in front of a mirror, can you tell who is who? Yes.
9. If I hit you, will your sister feel it? (This was particularly popular when we were kids). Only if I hit her too.
10. Can you read each other's minds? Maybe.
11. Can your boyfriend tell you apart? Yes.
12. Do you ever forget which one you are? No.
13. If you were switched at birth, how do you know you're not the other one? I have a birthmark that Amy doesn't have.
14. Are you going to have twins when you have kids? I don't know.
15. Are there other twins in your family? (Like it's contagious.) No. Identical twins do not usually run in families.
16. Did your mom and dad get confused when you were kids and give the same twin medicine twice? I don't know, you'll have to ask them.
17. Are you two exactly alike in every way, thoughts, opinions, likes, dislikes? No.
18. I thought identical twins had to be exactly alike? You thought wrong. :)
19. Do you two dress alike? When we were young, our parents dressed us alike, but we are 27 now, so no. Not unless we're trying to be funny or trying to confuse relatives or something.
20. Do you fight over guys? Sometimes we did. But then we just came up with a rule where the first to call him, got dibs on him.
21. Do animals get you confused? Animals usually like both of us, so I don't know.
22. Do you and your sister get along all the time? Yes, of course. We never fight.*

*Here is the biggest myth about twins: They always get along and never fight.

WRONG. If twins ever tell you they never fight, they are lying. And as soon as they walk away from you, they will be laughing.

I just thought of something that relates to the apple incident earlier. The kids were told "Amy" would be taking care of them. Yet, I wonder if the things I have done wrong, like me not knowing how they like their apples cut, have given away the fact that I am Ashley instead of Amy? They all have met both Amy and me. If a bunch of kids under twelve call my bluff and catch me for not being Amy, does that count? Would the Twinkie Experiment be over with? Luckily, these kids just think I am nuts for not cutting their apple right. Kids are used to grown-ups being weird sometimes. I still think it would be funny, though, if they all the sudden said, "You're not Amy! You're Ashley!"

Well, it looks like Sponge Bob is over. Time to run.

Goldfish v. Goldfish

2005-09-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

Things are cruising right along at a snail's pace in Intellectual Property. We covered a whole two pages today--not even actual pages, but the front and back of one page. Today we started talking about dilution and goldfish. I wish I could tell you more, but I dropped into a boredom-coma and quit paying attention. It's hard to believe a grown woman can talk for an hour about Peppridge Farm Goldfish crackers. The dilution aspect involves something to do with trademarks and how the mark can become "weakened." Apparently the naughty naughty people at Nabisco tried to put out their own goldfish-shaped cracker, had the audacity to make it orange, and Peppridge Farm said no way. Their little gold fishie is famous and distinctive. Bring in Anti-Dilution Statutes and the Lanham Act and, presto, Nabisco can't make orange goldfish crackers because it will dilute the value of the Pepperidge Farm trademarked fishie. Nabisco had to recall all their little fishies. I wonder what they did with them all. For some reason, I was really hungry after that class.

In between classes, I read over my notes for Rogerson's Business Associations and then went to the student lounge. People came over and sat with me, and we talked about what is going on in New Orleans. I can't tell you the names of the two girls and two guys who hung out with me, but they obviously know Amy, and so I had to pretend to know them. It was so funny to sit there, as if I was just waiting for one of them to pop up and go "YOU are not Amy!" at any second. Look at the hair, people. Notice I have no clue about anything. Figure out I don't know who the heck any of you are. But no. No one noticed I wasn't really Amy sitting before them.

One of the guys is in "CLS" and reminded me they are having the first meeting of the semester next week. Good to know. Of course, at the time, I had no idea what "CLS" was. I looked it up on the law school's website, and it stands for "Christian Legal Society." We're meeting to discuss ways we can help the victims of the hurricane. Since the meeting will be during lunch hour, the guy asked me if I would help bring food. No problem at all whatsoever. Except for the fact I can't cook... Amy can cook. I can play tennis. Twins are different. End of story. Only now I have to come up with some type of food because I'm supposed to be Amy.

Rogerson's class was a nightmare, as always. He has no sympathy at all for students who have loved ones displaced by the hurricane and told us he wishes we'd "stop whining." Needless to say, tempers were short, and no one found his comments very amusing. Rogerson is also jumping around in the reading, so people are even more lost than usual. I just remain forever thankful that he did not call on me this time. My time is coming though.

This weekend, I will be helping Charlie by watching all of the kids for him. Charlie and his buddies are so fed up with the government not helping the people in New Orleans, that they are going to pack up their SUV's and head to Louisiana. They'll pass out water and whatever they have, and then drive as many people as they can where ever they can find the nearest shelter. It would actually be closer to bring them back here than it would to drive them some place like the Astrodome in Houston, Texas. Believe me, they actually considered bringing refugees back here. But, ultimately, they decided they needed to get them to shelters where the emergency assistance would be, and people can track down other relatives.

Here it is, Friday night, and people are still stranded at the Superdome in New Orleans. I am so disappointed in our government. I feel so helpless and wish I could join Charlie and his friends, but they insisted I stay here. So, I get to babysit Charlie's kiddos while he's gone. One reason Charlie is taking the matter in New Orleans so personally is because he knows that could have been us. There are areas all around us along the coast with people just like the people in New Orleans. Many live paycheck-to-paycheck, and their beach house is all they have in the world. If the hurricane made a direct hit here and wiped out their houses, they would have nothing. Many would not have the money to leave in the first place, and, if they were lucky enough to survive the hurricane, would be stuck. I hope the US is watching how the government handled this hurricane because we have a long way to go in order to be prepared for a national disaster.

Lifeboat Law

2005-09-01T17:28:00.000-07:00

Today in Criminal Procedure, even minute-obsessed Professor Tarkington took time out of the class to talk about what's happening in the aftermath of Katrina. He started a discussion about the "law of necessity" and "lifeboat law." I've never really heard of either one. With necessity, in emergency situations you can supposedly break the law and it's okay. However, it depends on where you live as far as if there is a law of necessity that would apply to you --(so don't go breaking the law because you read it in a blog, for pete's sake. I'm probably not even remembering the details right). Not that "looting" is okay, but if you are starving and your baby is starving and you haven't eaten or had water in three days, then maybe breaking into Walmart and stealing the food and water you need would fall under the law of necessity. It wouldn't cover that big-screen tv you and your buddy carried out, but perhaps the court would go easy on you if it was food in an emergency. Good to know.

As far as "lifeboat law," that is the law that governs when there's an emergency at sea and you're stuck in a lifeboat. If you have to sacrifice one person for the good of the group, you pick the weakest one. Like "necessity," you may be able to convince the court the sacrificing of your boatmate was necessary in the emergency and then not go to jail. I'm still not advocating anything. I just think it is very interesting that the law really does take emergencies into consideration.

I am getting the impression that the law is more gray than it is black and white.

If your plane is going to crash, and you can't help but crash land on a farmer's field where you kill three of his cows, then it might be acceptable as necessity, and you might not be arrested for criminal traspassing. You'd likely still have to pay for the cows, though. Again, I'm not saying you should try this at home. I am not a lawyer or even a law student. I probably know less about the law than you do. I am simply an imposter, who is easily impressed by the material covered as I pretend to be my twin sister in Criminal Procedure class.

I like it any time the professor does most of the talking, so we don't have to fear being called on. :) Law school really doesn't seem so bad when all you have to do is show up. Just sit there, be quiet, and try to not to call attention to yourself. As long as you don't get called on to answer a question or do a case, it's not too bad at all. (Except in Rogerson's class, of course.) Then, there's the exam at the end of the semester, but I'm not even going to worry about that. That will be Amy's problem. I am trying to take good notes for her, and I have the tapes from Highlighter Guy, which I know will be very helpful. Any bets on how long I can go without getting called on? That will be the true test.

I survived another day as "Amy." Things are going pretty well, except I can't help but feel so much grief for the people in New Orleans. Where is our government? Why isn't anyone doing anything? Drop some bottled water out of the helicopters, for goodness sake. People are dying, and family members are having to drag the dead bodies around with them. Some people haven't had food or water since Sunday. Did they just drop 35 thousand people off at the Superdome and then leave them there without food or water? Didn't they anticipate that they would lose electricity? Those little babies in the neonatal ICU I think were finally metavaced today. And they did send in some busses to pick people up. Yet, the news says there is still over 15,000 people left at the Superdome. They are still waiting. What needs to happen before help can get to them? Do we need to make an SOS to other countries? God bless those people.

Back to Class

2005-08-31T22:08:00.000-07:00

Guess what!

I finally got Booger into a bathtub! He really does have a face after all! If he's going to be spending time living with me, he's going to have to work on his attraction for dirt and sand. Unfortunately, I needed a bath after giving him one. I didn't have much time because I wanted to get up to the school to see what the latest news is about what's happening with the hurricane victims.

The mood at school is very somber. Everyone knows someone who lives in south Louisiana or Mississippi. We all feel so helpless. Well, except for maybe Professor Rogerson, who was ruthless as ever today. He was actually ticked that so many of us skipped on Monday. He announced that we "owe him time" now. Of course, no one really prepared for classes, and it made Rogerson even more mad when people couldn't answer his questions the way he wanted.

In contrast, the Intellectual Property class was almost completely focused on the hurricane and what we can do to help. Professor Matthews got teary-eyed several times as people talked about loved ones they haven't heard from yet. There was a long discussion about the government's "duty" and how you can't sue a state without that state's permission. Several students wanted to get a convoy to go pick up refugees in New Orleans and take them to shelters in other states. Supposedly, busses will be sent in to pick all those people up, but none have shown up so far.

Meanwhile, the Twinkie Experiment continues. In my "official" research documentation for the project, so far I've got a lot of data about how twins can pull off switching places as long as people are distracted by a national disaster. At this rate, I'll be taking Amy's exams at the end of the semester. Geez, that's a horrible thought.

I guess I'd better go prepare cases for Tarkington's Criminal Procedure class tomorrow. There was supposed to be two hours of LOST on tonight, but the second hour was taken off so they could show a special about Katrina. I think I am watching too much of the coverage because I am feeling really sad. The people who live in the coastal communities are like one big family. I can't help but feel a sense of abandonment with them as they ask over and over why the help hasn't come yet.

Blessings

2005-08-30T22:51:00.000-07:00

Booger and I are thrilled to be home. We got back less than an hour ago. I even managed to get the boat back here in one piece, and Charlie returned it to whomever the owner is. The beach has a lot of debris on it, but the houses are fine and still standing right where we left them. You can tell it rained and that there were some high winds from the debris, but other than the houses being hot since we turned the electricity off, everything is back to normal. They used crowbars to pull the wood off the sliding glass doors and windows and then stored it under Charlie's house for "next time." I am so relieved the house is still standing. This house sways when the wind blows. Amy jokes all the time about how the house would tumble over if Charlie's kids leaned on it all at once.

We are sooo lucky the hurricane didn't veer this direction. Now that we've seen what it has done to parts of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama, I know Amy's beach house would be gone. Charlie told me all of the round cement things sticking up in the sand are old ceptic tanks from houses washed away in earlier hurricanes that hit here. In some cases, you can still see the stilts from some of the houses. I wonder if this is what Louisana and Mississippi are going to look like when they get the clean up completed?

Charlie's sister and her husband were so gracious to take all of us in. Their house has a huge screened-in porch off the back, and all the kids camped out on the porch. It was actually nice (once the boys learned to keep the door closed and kept the mosquitoes and other bugs out.) It was like one long fish-fry, only the mood was not as jovial because we were watching the news about Katrina.

Last night, Charlie and Buck (Charlie's wife's husband) loaded up Charlie's Suburban and Ricky's truck with all the jugs of water we had, the small generators, and whatever nonparishables we could find. Then, they headed over hundreds of miles to the New Orleans area to see what they could do to help those people. They got back to Charlie's sister's place a little before six this evening and said they never made it all the way to New Orleans. The people in southern Mississippi are in desperate need of help, too, and apparently you can't even get near to New Orleans. Charlie says nothing is being done to help the people at the Superdome in New Orleans. People are suffering, and the government is no where to be seen. I thought the government knew the hurricane was going to hit and was going to have resources in place? Where is the Red Cross?

Everyone keeps saying we should "take a good look" because this is what would happen in a national emergency--or even a regional emergency. The government will "sit on their asses" and people will die. Nice. I can understand the perspective though, especially when the hurricane could have hit here just as easily as where it did. I really loved the ocean. I have all of my life, but now I feel numb about it. In fact, this whole place feels foreign to me. I wish I could go home to my nice safe condo in the city where winds and waves are a safe distance away.

My new buddy, Booger, doesn't want to go back over to Charlie's house. I tried walking him over, but he ends up back here sitting on my deck, staring at me through the glass doors with that matted, sandy, smelly face and big Muppet eyes. You can't leave animals out at night because of coyotes (they tell me), so I guess Booger will get to sleep over. I'll have to call Charlie and let him know, so he won't go looking for him. Then, I need to read for Intellectual Property and Business Associations tomorrow, although I am not really in the mood to read that stuff. On the law school's website today, they said classes would still be held today and yesterday, but absences would not count against us. I wonder how many people showed up for class. All the sudden law schools seem so unimportant.

Heading Out

2005-08-28T08:03:00.000-07:00

I have to pack up this laptop now and cram it in the jeep with the rest of the stuff. The soft top of the jeep is secure (says Ricky), and he used padlocks to hold it on and for security. I also get the honor of transporting one of Charlie's dogs. He's the brown and black mutt who always seems to have just finished swimming in the ocean and rolling around in the sand. His name is Booger. He's medium-sized and pretty friendly, however, Charlie tells me he will offer protection if I need it. Protection from whom? The jeep is so packed, I can't really see out the back. The main problem with not being able to see is the fact I will be pulling a boat. I thought it was one of Charlie's boats, but it isn't. No one can seem to tell me whose boat it is. The neighbors are helping neighbors, and this is how I get to help. As long as I bring it back, they tell me that is all that matters.

I have barely driven the jeep very much, and I certainly have not driven a jeep with a boat attached to the trailor hook. I sure hope I don't see it pass me on the open road. I was pleased to hear it might offer more room for packing stuff, but when I looked inside the boat, someone else had the same idea. There were jugs of water, generators, and coolers filled with--you guessed it--fresh shrimp and fish. I guess if the hurricane kills all the fish and shirmp, we'll still have some. Did someone pack the 8 Track Player?

I am trying to remain optimistic. Amy has done this a dozen times, so I really can't appear to nervous. I don't think there is room to fit even another can of Dr. Pepper into that jeep. Luckily this laptop is thin. It will go nicely under the seat where Booger will be riding with me. I've got to get a bowl for water for him.

The news says New Orleans may get the worst of the hurricane. If that happens, New Orleans could be completely washed out because they are surrounded by water on 3 sides and are already below sea-level. I pray the hurricane veers off to one direction or the other so New Orleans will be spared. I pray we will be spared, too.

I've got Amy's portable WatchMan on a cord around my neck and plenty of batteries, so I'll know what's going on. Charlie is up here with the boards now for the glass doors and is ready to start hammering. He also turned off the water, and the electricity is next. I guess it's time to go. I sure hope this house is still standing when we get back.

Next stop, Charlie's sister's house. Com'mon Booger...

Sign Of The Gypsy Queen

2005-08-27T19:37:00.000-07:00

It looks like I was wrong about Katrina. We spent last night with the neighbors over at Charlie's, eating fish and shrimp, listening to "hurricane songs" (I didn't know there were hurricane songs), and watching Katrina on the news. Ricky has a tape by an old group called "April Wine" that contains a cool hurricane song called "Sign of the Gypsy Queen."

Sign of the gypsy queen
Pack your things and leave
Word of a woman who knows
Pack all your gold and you go

Running seems like the best offense
Staying just don't make any sense
No one could ever stop it now
Show the cards of the gypsy town

This morning, I was awoken by the sound of hammering. People are nailing plywood boards on all the windows on their houses. (How will they get them off?) Everyone is pitching in to help their neighbors. Charlie and his kids tell me they are doing mine in the morning. There are already two sliding glass doors running side by side for the front door out to the deck, so I'm surprised the wind could break them. But, apparently any type of damage is possible. If Katrina heads this direction, the house itself could be completely gone. I guess they will get so see how well the new "Eco-tube" they just installed will work.

Dummy me asked how we were going to get out of the house if they nail boards up. It turns out we are leaving. Since I am "Amy," of course, I am supposed to be familiar with all of this. But since I am really Ashley, The Clueless, all I can think about is how I didn't sign on for this. Amy has called several times, and she keeps saying "Don't forget to take my DIARY BOX!" I can't believe I am in charge of getting all of her, and my, important belongings out.

I am understanding now why Amy has so much tupperwear. Today, I packed her dishes and glasses and other breakables into big rubber bins with strong lids and then stored them in the closet with a lock on it. I've packed my suitcases and law books (can't forget the law books), Amy's paintings, jewelry, and of course, her Diary Box with all her memorabilia. I am supposed to pack it all in the jeep in the morning. Amy seems to forget the size of her own jeep. I'm afraid I won't be able to get all her important stuff in, PLUS the bottles of water. All the local store has left is the gallon jugs (like milk jugs), which makes the water end up tasting like plastic.

People seem to be taking things in stride, and everyone is being so considerate of each other. Charlie says I am following him and his tribe tomorrow as we drive up to stay with his sister about 100 miles North. I think everyone is going to feel rather silly when Katrina doesn't come anywhere near here. Charlie and Amy both told me they can't take any chances, and we have to go first thing in the morning because if Katrina does shift this direction, the Ferry will close, and it will be gridlock with evacuatees trying to drive inland. For the people who live on the coast, I guess this is all standard operating procedure. Weird to think I could come back and the house wouldn't be here. How do you pack a house into a jeep?

What's Wrong With the DA's Office?

2005-08-26T16:17:00.000-07:00

I had a strange feeling all day that today would be the end of the experiment because someone has figured out I'm not really Amy. I'm not sure how I would feel about the twin switch being over. I guess it would mean I wouldn't have to fight high blood pressure in Rogerson's class anymore. This afternoon, when he yelled at a guy for answering a question wrong, he told him that the most he can hope for is to end up working in the DA's Office. (What's wrong with working in the DA's Office?) The end of the twin switch would also mean no more cool Intellectual Property stuff. I'm likely to miss Professor Matthews's bizarre southern accent. She keeps saying "pants," and it's taken me a week to figure out she is actually saying "patents." It would also mean no more Criminal Procedure class, not that I understood the cases for that class anyway...

Today, while Highlighter Guy and I were waiting for Business Associations class to start, he seemed exceptionally agitated. I asked him if he was okay. He told me he's so stressed out that he's not sure he can finish the semester. He comes from a family of lawyers and has so much riding on his success in law school. However, he quit his job as an engineer, and he, his wife, and family are really struggling. He doesn't know what he'll do if law school doesn't work out, but he pretty much has concluded that to be the case.

I told him the first month of a new semester always sucks, and the first week is always the absolute worst. Everyone is feeling what he is feeling, even me (which is a tremendous understatement). I told him to keep going until something (besides himself) actually stops him. At the least, I suggested that he give it one month, and then we'll talk again and see how he feels. He told me that I (being Amy) am the only person who is nice to him. My first reaction was to disagree with him, but then I looked around the classroom at our peers. No one is really nice to anyone in this law school. I responded to him by saying he was "easy to be nice to" and that "that's what friends are for," etc. The atmosphere up there is toxic. Why, then, do I feel a small sense of sadness when I think it is about to end?

I'm going to have to go in a few minutes because I'm finally getting to take the Minivan back to Hertz. Ricky is going to follow me in the jeep and give me a ride back. Last night, when I went next-door to chat with Charlie, we had a good laugh about my adventures in the Minivan. The first thing Charlie said to me when he first saw me walking towards him was, "So, what did you think of the nude beach?" How did he know? It turns out that he has friends all along the coast, and they help him keep an eye on all of the kids he has living with him. They also keep an eye on Amy, since they know she lives alone. In a small town environment like the one in which we live, everyone knows everything, and they watch out for each other's kids. I guess it really does take a village.

Later this evening, I will be going over to Charlie's for another fish-fry. This one he is calling a "Hurricane Watching Party." Last time I saw the news, Katrina looked like a little tropical storm. I guess since they don't know for sure which way she will go or what she will do, everyone is watching it closely. Between you and me, I think Charlie will use any excuse for a fish-fry. Hey, the polar ice caps are melting... Time for Charlie to have a fish fry...

I guess I've managed to survive another day without anyone saying anything about how something about me isn't like Amy, and then busting us. I know it's probably just paranoia, but I keep thinking "THEY KNOW and are just not saying anything." I wonder how Amy is doing as me.