Thinking Like a Lawyer?

Okay, this is me... Thinking like a lawyer. I'm trying to be logical about my current circumstances. I keep coming up with the same answer every time. Amy has to stop dating Robert. He is going to be furious when he finds out the person he thinks is "Ashley" is really Amy. And, you can't really blame him if he loses it and gets us all in trouble for the twin switch. As far as me working for Professor Tarkington, which is Amy's major concern, I really need him to get me out of the 19 hours a week in Law Clinic. I am absolutely desperate. Why can't I just play this out to where Tarkington gets my hours with Rogerson in Law Clinic cut back to four or five hours per week. Then, after a few days of me working with Tarkington, I'll figure out a way to tell him it isn't going to work with me being his Research Assistant. If I can play my cards right, I can get the hours cut back in Law Clinic and get out of working for Tarkington, too.

Hey, it's the lawyerly thing to do.

On top of this problem with Rogerson, Tarkington, and Amy with Robert, I am still having a difficult time understanding the dynamics of the wrongful-home-tearing-down-case. I read page after page of the Torts Hornbook, and even though it is written in English, it is still hard to follow. I'm literally having to take what I find in the Torts Hornbook, and then look that up in the Black's Law Dictionary, and then, half the time, I'm having to take the Black's Law Dictionary definition and look up those terms in the Webster's Dictionary.

Based on my vast legal experience (watching Judging Amy and The Practice), I am guessing that what happened when Jesse bulldozed the wrong house was negligence. So, then I read about negligence in the Hornbook. Turns out there are elements that have to be met. Boring elements. Elements that seem to have a world of their own that has to be explored before you can even consider if they match up with Jesse and his bulldozer. Here are the elements that are required for you to have negligence:

Duty
Breach of that duty
Causation - including "proximate cause" and "cause in fact"
Damages

And then there's "comparative neligence" and "contributory negligence"... What do you say we just skip those pages and act like we never saw them, shall we?

I don't know who had a duty to whom. Does "duty" mean like the everyday stuff we have with people? Like, do I have a duty not to run you over with my car? And, if I accidently run you over, does that mean I breached that duty? Or does there have to be a relationsihp or contract for there to be a duty? You know, I bet Booger can probably show you what duty is...

I just keep thinking that now would be a good time to call a lawyer. I am not getting all this stuff, much less how to apply it. I've decided to heck with the Torts Hornbook and the Black's Law Dictionary. I am going back to my old resources. According to my long-time legal counsel named Jeeves, negligence is "failure to act with the prudence that a reasonable person would exercise under the same circumstances." Okay, great. Very helpful. Now I understand the negligence elements perfectly. Not.

I am giving up. I have to get out of those Law Clinic hours pronto because, I'm guessing, Rogerson will not appreciate it if I turn in research for Jesse's case that cites Ask Jeeves as my primary source.

I have other homework to do besides researching Jesse's case. I started preparing for Intellectual Property and Business Associations earlier today, but I became distracted when I saw the cement truck pull up next door. Now, you've got to remember that even the roads leading up to these beach houses are not paved. I don't even have cement under this beach house on which to park the jeep. So, seeing a cement truck drive up to Charlie's house meant something serious was going to happen that outweighed the importance of preparing for any law class.

Charlie and Ricky installed a basketball court today on the far side of their house, away from the beach. It's not a great big court, but one thing is for sure; it is big enough to where the basketball will end up in the canal that runs by it. Ricky said they will use the fishing net poles to fish the balls out of the canal, if that happens. With a dozen kids at Charlie's and in the neighborhood, I can guarantee the ball is going to spend a great deal of time in that canal. Of course, I'll probably contribute, too.

Charle told us at dinner tonight that he's going to have to work longer hours from now on because their fishing boats are having to go farther out. I guess the pollution from the hurricanes has made it hard to find good fish around here. Charlie asked all of us (neighbors) if we would kind of keep an eye on things. Rose, Charlie's daughter, is supposed to be around, and Ricky will help out as well. I told Charlie that anytime the jeep is here, I'm here if they need me. Famous last words.

I haven't seen Rose around in awhile, so I asked Charlie tonight where she has been hiding lately. Dianne (who everyone is supposed to call Dee Dee, yet everyone still calls Dianne) told me that Rose is out with "Number Five" today. Number five? When I asked, Charlie explained that Rose was out with her fifth husband, who is also the father of the youngest of the kids, the four-year-old darling running around who I call "Munchkin." I have no idea what her real name is. Of course, I had to ask, "So, Rose has been married five times?" Dianne became quite animated, and the other neighbors laughed. It was one of those moments where everyone at once says, "Oh, you've GOT to hear this story..."

No, Rose has not been married five times. She has been married SEVEN times. But, as Charlie pointed out, she was married twice to the same guy, so that doesn't really count. Does it? If they were legally married, then legally divorced, then legally married again, I think that counts. Married seven times, and she's only in her early forties. Dianne was quick to add that Rose has dated and married every single man over the age of 21 in this entire area. Quite impressive, I must say. The funny thing is, you'd never know it from meeting Rose that she was the type to even date that much. She's a lovely lady, but... seven husbands? I really can't see her married once, much less that many times. Lou jumped in to explain that Rose is a very good cook. Yeah, that must be it.

Charlie and his family never cease to amaze me. I don't know where I would be without their comic relief.