Blindfolds

Now I know the real reason why the Lady of Justice is wearing a blindfold. You know who the Lady of Justice is… She's like the official Barbie of the legal world: the statue of the robed woman who is holding up scales in one hand and has a sword in the other, and she’s wearing a blindfold. Anyway, I know what the blindfold is supposed to mean. It’s a metaphor. It represents all the lost law students and lawyers everywhere. Researching the law is like fumbling around in the dark or wearing a blindfold. You will only find what you are looking for if you are lucky enough to stumble across it or bump into it.
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And, another thing, have you ever noticed how much the Lady of Justice looks like Susan Sarandon? Humm...What do you think that means?

You have no idea how happy I am that this long day is over. I added a new activity today to the list stuff I have to do, and it wasn’t intentional. I went by to meet with Tarkington before Intellectual Property class. What a weird feeling to see him in his office. His door was open, and I just kind of stuck my head in. He was reading the comics in today’s paper but looked up when he saw me. He asked me to have a seat. The furniture in his office is early-swapmeet. Certainly not what you would expect from Mr. Perfectionist Tarkington. Then again, I never would have imagined him reading the comics either.

I swore I would not let his attractiveness get to me... Not even notice... Picture him being just any old guy. Only problem was, the light from the window made his green eyes even more vivid. And his blond hair was kind of messed up, like he had bed-head or something. These are the thoughts that went through my mind as I sat there waiting to hear why he wanted to meet with me. My only real concern was that when I start thinking along these lines is when professionalism flies right out the window, and I’m likely to say something silly.

He started off by saying, “Amy, thanks for meeting me…” I thought, oh no, he used my first name again (or, rather, Amy’s first name). My mind immediately shifted to how much I was going to miss his green eyes if I was busted for not being Amy. That is how powerful those eyes are. If only he could use them for good, instead of evil…

Professor Tarkington told me he was impressed with how my performance in his Criminal Procedure class has improved. I wanted to laugh. Um, how, exactly, has it improved? He hasn’t even called on me since the last time I crashed and burned on a case. He said he heard I’d made the highest grade in Criminal Law last year--a point that I actually made to him earlier in the semester--and he wanted to know if I had an interest in practicing criminal law after graduation. I told him I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do yet. Little did he know that surviving the meeting was really the only goal I had at the moment.

Finally getting to the punch line, Tarkington asked me if I would be interested in working with him on a law review article as his Research Assistant. My first reaction was to think it was a trick…like he’s suspicious that I’m not really Amy so he wants to see how I’ll do on a written assignment. But then he continued. He told me I came “highly recommended” by his previous RA, who, of course, we know as Becca Rutherford. She really did put in a good word for me; what do you know? But there was no way I could be Tarktington’s RA, for several reasons.

First, there’s the fact I’m not really Amy.

Second, there’s the fact I don’t know anything about law reviews, legal research, legal writing, or legal citations. And given that I couldn’t learn Spanish overnight, I’m guessing I can’t learn all that legal writing stuff overnight either.

Third, there’s the Brad Pitt-Brain problem, where I really cannot perform at my best for someone like Tarkington. In any other environment, he's the type of guy where when you’re around him your clothes seem to fall off for some reason. Definitely not the type of person to have a “professional” relationship with on a one-to-one basis. Then again, I wonder if the RA position comes with the same fringe benefits that the last RA received? (cough cough)

I thanked Professor Tarkington for considering me, and I told him I couldn’t work for him, unfortunately, because I have to work 19 hours per week in the [damn] law clinic. He seemed surprised that I was working so many hours in law clinic, and he asked me if that was my choice or someone else’s. I explained that Professor Rogerson said I have to work those many hours in order to get the credit for the semester. For some reason, Tarkington found that amusing. He asked me some more questions about Law Clinic, like if I liked the work, and do I really want to be there. I was honest with him—without being TOO honest with him, if you know what I mean.

I noticed that Tarkington is more laid back outside of class. He still has that stodgy, professional edge to him, but not as much as inside the classroom. He asked me if I would like to work only four or five hours in Law Clinic and then work about five to ten hours a week for him. I was like, dude, to get me out of Law Clinic I would do just about anything… But then there’s the whole I-don’t-know-squat-about-legal-writing issue. In the few seconds I had to think about it, I decided to see what Tarkington could accomplish with Rogerson. I have been so desperate to get out of those hours in Law Clinic. My final answer was to say I liked his suggestion, but I wasn’t sure if Rogerson would go for it. Tarkington then freaked me out with his next statement. He said:

“I’ll take care of Professor Rogerson. In the meantime, you just need to STAY OFF THE RADAR.”

I think my heart completely stopped. “Stay off the radar”? As in... the many times I have said, “Stay off the radar” in this blog? Coincidence? Or am I really busted because he knows I am writing this? Okay… maybe he’s reading this blog, but he doesn’t realize I am the one writing it. No, that’s not possible, considering I am listing today’s events. Is there any chance in the world that “Stay off the radar” is the catch phrase for the new millennium, and everyone is saying it? I thanked Tarkington again, and he said he would let me know. I don’t know how I made it out of his office since I couldn’t feel my legs, but somehow I ended up in the Intellectual Property classroom.

As if that whole situation wasn’t bizarre enough, later this afternoon, Rogerson spoke to me about the wrongful-bulldozing case. I barely walked into the Law Clinic when he called me into one of the interview rooms. At first, I thought he was going to talk to me about Tarkington’s idea. But, then he started in about Jesse, our new client who tore down the wrong house. He started asking me questions about where the other documents were, where the insurance information was, and where was the caselaw to support our position. I basically replied: “I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

About that time, Kevin came in, and the receptionist actually showed up to answer phones. It was just in time to witness Rogerson rip me to shreds. He said the usual “You will never make it as a lawyer, blah blah blah” along with some new insults I had not heard before. How was I to know I was supposed to get the paperwork that had been signed between Jesse and Mr. Van Voorhis? How was I to know I needed to get the directions that Van Vorrhis gave Martin… And the names of the different insurance companies for the house that was bulldozed and for Jesse’s company? It made perfect sense when Rogerson brought it up, but it never dawned on me yesterday. And, hey, why didn’t he yell at Kevin, too?

I finally had enough of his humiliating me. There was no reason to yell since we both were in that small interview room. I hate that I felt like I was going to cry right then and there. The only other option besides crying was to rip Rogerson’s head off, and I wasn’t sure how well that would work out for Amy. I ended up mumbling, unintentionally out loud, “Fire me, then.”

Okay, I know it was breaking one of Amy’s cardinal rules about not talking back when a professor is yelling at you. It was dumb, but I did it anyway. Rogerson was pretty shocked, too, which was funny. He said, “What?” And made the word “What” a three syllable word. I repeated that he should fire me, since I’m such a screw up. He told me to shut the door to the interview room. Yikes. That kind of scared the crap out of me. I did what he said, since there was a desk between us, but I didn’t like it.

Rogerson started in again with: “That kind of attitude is going to get you in big trouble down the road.” Okay, yeah, sure, whatever you say. It felt like all the sudden I was back in the principal’s office in eighth grade, and I was getting yelled at for toilet-papering the school with Amy and some other girls. The same type of generic lecture. I calmly made the comment that since he fired Richard for a lot less, why didn’t he fire me for this. The wacky-weirdo Rogerson replied, “You know why.” I told him no, I didn’t know. He laughed in my face in that laugh of his that has a tone that says, “You’re an idiot and have no reason to live.” When he finally stopped laughing he looked me dead in the eye and said, “Look in the mirror.”

Look in the mirror?

Like, what the hell? Is that a twin reference? Some twins are called “mirror-twins” because they are alike except one is right-handed and one is left-handed. Is that what he meant? Feeling totally creeped out and worried I was busted, I shook my head and opened the door to the interview room again. I asked Rogerson if he wanted Kevin and me to contact the clients for the information and then research more info in the law library. He was laughing again as he told me yes, and I walked out of the room to the lobby where I spoke to Kevin.

I’m confused and angry about this whole thing. I’m having one of those days where I think it might be time for Amy and me to switch back. If Tarkington is reading this blog, Amy and I are both in trouble.